Do your SKids say they love you?
Forums:
Recently (in the past 2-3 weeks or so) SS2 has started coming up, jumping on my lap, giving me a BIG hug and telling me he loves me. I have always told him I love him back, because I do care about him. I'm sure I must love him. In a 'different' way though. I definitely love my BF more that's for sure, lol. And hell, if I really think about it, I actually love my dog more too... but I think I love her more than BF on top of it all LOL.
Anyway, do your SKids say they love you? Do you say it back? When did they start saying it? And of course, do you love them back or do you say it to appease them?
Yeah, I guess I phrased that
Yeah, I guess I phrased that kind of wrong. As far as safety/well being obviously SS2 is a priority... but as far as motherly, caregiving love I definitely feel more towards my dog. But it's been just me and her for 5 years and I've only know SS2 for 1 year.
I started that at first, "Oh
I started that at first, "Oh that's so sweet" or "You're such a nice boy SS2" but once he kept doing it and doing it, I kind of think he was just expecting/hoping I would say it back and... well, he's only 2. I can't explain I care about you vs I love you to a toddler. So I want him to know he's special and I care and I'll always take care of him, so I say it back. Even when I'm mad and don't feel it, lol.
It's funny I just had a
It's funny I just had a conversation about "not loving" my SDs with a good friend the other day. SD12 & SD13 have never said they love me. They show affection towards me - hug me or kiss me goodnight or hug me when they leave to go back to BM's. But we have never said "I love you" to one another. I told my friend I don't love them but I do care for them. It's been over 3 1/2 years and I would have thought I would have grown to love them but I just don't. I have tried. I care in the sense that I don't want harm coming to them, I want them to learn from me, etc. My friend, who is divorced and doesn't like (but doesn't hate) her kids' SM, was very reassuring and let me know it's ok to feel that way. I know whata bothers me though, I see her bf posting on facebook that he loves the girls or BM posting she loves his kids (and they've been together WAY LESS than SO & me) and it hurts that if at any point I had ever posted something like that (she'd log on to the girls' facebook to see what I post) then all hell would break loose for sure. I don't know if that subconsciously plays in my mind or knowing that she speaks so negatively about me in front of them or to them and I say nothing about her and I worry they are swayed by what she says.... but then again, right now they are hounding SO & me to get married and have a baby!!!
I don't know if I will ever love them. It's really hard for me b/c I have a half-brother and half-sister that my mother raised from the ages of 1 & 2 and she is MOM to them and they love her as if she gave birth and she loves them the same. And I see my SO with ex-SS16 and telling him he loves him and considering him one of his own ... and it hurts BAD that I don't know if I will ever have that with SDs....
My ss6 tells me nearly
My ss6 tells me nearly everyday he loves me & I tell it to him back but he's an overall good kid & his mom would rather have sd5 over him. In fact he's been at our house since last night but sd is still at moms. She enjoys doing the "girlie" things with sd without having ADHD son that won't listen to her around.
Occasionally he will call me mom but I think BM corrected him too often bc he doesn't anymore. He accidentally called me mom in front of BM & she said "excuse me" & he was like sorry. DH & I have told kids they can call me anything they like & same goes for my son toward his stepdad. We don't think its a good idea to pursued them either way plus I secretly like the sound of it.
I know that feeling, Im up
I know that feeling, Im up and down all the time, sometimes I look forward to Sd's visit and sometimes I dread it, sometimes I don't want her to go and sometimes I can't wait for her to go, what I do know is that its exhausting. You are right it is what it is, we cannot help how we feel.
My SD 7 always tells me that
My SD 7 always tells me that and I say it back....but I am a bit like many here, it feels a bit funny and not so genuine somehow.Of course I feel warm for her and I suppose I love her in a way, but it is different to what I feel for other people, SO, my kids.
But that doesn't matter- it is still very nice.
Though the other day she did this thing when she said" but I love you more" and I had to say I love her more and back and forwards, that was a bit funny and I felt a bit weird.LOL
I do love my Sd6, but I still
I do love my Sd6, but I still feel that I don't want to be a step parent sometimes, after all I made the decision to not have my own children, so why would I want this? I try to make the best of things, she says that she loves me and that does feel nice. But I can't help thinking how trouble free my relationship would be if it was just the two of us.
Sometimes we all say I love
Sometimes we all say I love you to each other, but its not an everyday, all the time type of thing. Usually just at bedtime or when we will all be apart for a few days. I dont think I love them, but I do care for them
I do love my skids, even
I do love my skids, even though they drive me crazy sometimes. I do tell them that I love them, and I do a lot for them (making lunches, notes in their rooms, cards for special occassions, etc and will put it in writing for them
After two 1/2 years, I have yet to have them say it to me. Part of me wonders if its because of BMs volatile nature and how she's reacting to other things, they are afraid to. She's been very nasty about anything involving me from almost day one.