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Badly in need of some parenting advice for SD disgusting habit

StressedStepMon's picture

Help! My SD 10 is constantly picking her nose and eating it! I gag whenever I see it. DH and I have admonished her every time we see it. We've had extensive conversations with her on more occasions that I can count about how it is unsanitary, gross, etc., particularly when we catch her doing it in public. I find myself watching her at all times when we're out and the instant her finger goes near her nose, I'm getting her attention to distract her. SS 11 says she does it all the time when they're with BM, but BM has never said anything to her because she never seems to be paying attention to them. I don't know what to do to break her of this horrible habit! We've tried distraction, sending her to get a tissue, putting her in time out, taking away privileges, but nothing seems to fix the problem. I think she is learning that she can't do it around us, but can get away with it when she is with BM because the first few days that they are with DH and I she does it a lot, but by the time they go back to BM, she's no longer doing it, at least where we can see. Does anyone have a suggestion on what we can do to break her of this disgusting habit?

just.his.wife's picture

Mittens.

Not gloves that have individual fingers. Actual Mittens, if they aren't available where you are, use oven mitts. If her fingers aren't available she cant possibly pick. Tell her she gets to wear them until she loses the habit. When she can't use the computer, can't play video games, color, text etc due to the mitts she might see the 'light' so to speak and stop doing it.

My own ds had this gross habit. Oven mitts and having to admit to people why he was wearing them broke the habit.

Good luck though, that disgusting habit is hard to break. I saw my father do it well into his 60's.

StressedStepMon's picture

the mittens are a great idea, but I worry about the backlash it may cause with BM. SD tends to try to pitt DH and BM against one another when it comes to parenting. When she doesn't like something BM does she says she wants to live with her dad and vice versa. We go for a custody hearing in August and I can just see her saying its some form of child abuse to have the girl wearing mittens.

ctnmom's picture

Oh I was going to suggest cayenne pepper on the fingertips, but with the issue of custody coming up, better not. }:)

just.his.wife's picture

If mittens are child abuse: 100% of the parents that live in states who get snow in the winter would have been arrested.

It is a physical reminder/preventative to keep her digits out of her nostrils. It does not hurt her, cause lasting marks etc.

Though, you could go with the gross out factor. My sister did it to break her son of biting his nails. Look online and you can find the information re: the human hands are filthy. Literally more sanitary to lick someones anus than to bite your nails.

Then point out to your SD "So your hands are already this filthy, THEN you shove them up your nose, pick up more dirt/germs/bacteria, then for good measure, you eat this filth."

The gross factor worked for my nephew. Kid is 16 now and has not bitten his nails since she showed him the information, sprayed his hands with a form of luminol and put them under a black light.

stepmisery's picture

I googled this for you, because it's not been an issue in my family but it would gross me out too.

So. What I read is not particularly encouraging. Reasons for doing it range from being a habit to OCD to an early sign of schizophrenia. Who would have thought.

The only suggestions I found to do deal with were to address if there was a physical issue, like is it crusty inside her nose all the time? Then use a humidifier. Does she have allergies? See a doctor for meds.

One solution mentioned a few times was a reward. One mom, who son was about 4, started the day with some m&m's in a jar. Every time she caught her son picking his nose, she took away an m&m. After dinner he was allowed to have all the m&m's that were left. Another mom had a similar reward but added punishments if her daughter ate the booger, like no TV for the afternoon.

Most of what I read seemed to be along the lines that kids do it, it's a phase, they'll outgrow it.

In the meantime, ewww yuck.

Lou Salome's picture

Yeah, she'll be ostracized in school for this soon enough -- I think that will have more impact than anything you can do. But ick!

janeyc's picture

When my sd does it, I admonish her, not too much she's only 6, but I do make her wash her hands. Yuck your sd should'nt be doing this in public its disgusting, plus they tend to rub the bogies off on the furniture or carpet. So maybe if she realises that she has to wash her hands everytime she does it, that may stop her.

smartone's picture

It's not going to change until you get the bm on board. Does the bm even know it's an issue? If she doesn't care then it's probably always going to be an issue.

StressedStepMon's picture

BM hasn't noticed and looked at me like I was crazy when I mentioned it to her. So I doubt there will be any help from her to help extinguish this bad habit. Majorly gross. The whole family is disgusted by it, it makes me fearful to take her out in public because I'm afraid she'll do it when I've got my back turned. Thankfully DH is on board with finding it disgusting and wanting it to stop asap! She is way too old to be doing this, and I'm shocked that she hasn't been criticized by her peers at school yet (that we know of).

StressedStepMon's picture

LOL the snot of salvation comment made me choke on my tea! Thanks so much for helping me find some humor in this major gross out. Now I will think of that comment the next time she goes a' pickin' and finds something finger lickin good