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BM boundaries with DH continued

christiedd's picture

I posted yesterday about relationship between DH and his ex-wife and her inviting him to their kids b-day party even though she hasn't done so in the three years since they separated. Turns out that BM actually invited DH to her sister's kids birthday party. I told him I was not ok or comfortable with this. I guess the ex-nieces still think of them as Uncle *** so he sees no problem with this invite since his kids would be there. I told him that his kids have seen their aunt for three years without him going. DH says he would never have gone if I didn't go but as a BM and ex-wife myself I would never ever think about inviting my ex-husband to a family function that involves MY family. WTF, who does that??? BM seems to be over stepping her boundaries as DH's ex-wife. As I told him him and her are no longer family so it's very, very inappropriate for them to go to a b-day party together that isn't for their own kids. Right??

christiedd's picture

Thank you. My thoughts exactly but DH sees it as just his ex-nieces wanting to see him. DH's ex told him that her sister's kids still call him uncle which is uncomfortable enough but DH should have no ties to his ex's family. I so badly want to tell her that asking him to go is very wrong but I suppose I can't.

just tired's picture

If your DH thinks his ex-nieces want to see him AND IF he wants to see them, then he should go pick them up & take them for ice cream. In no way does he need to participate in some family function.

christiedd's picture

Exactly!!! Even after there divorce when DH and I were still just dating BM wanted her, the kids, my soon to be DH to go to Disneyland together on a trip!!! Ummmm...NO!!! Then she said me and my son could go along. Ummm gee thanks?!?! That wouldn't be weird at all!! So after my folks found this idea out they took us to D-land without the ex-wife. Who in the hell likes to hang-out with their ex-spouse and go on vacation together??? Crazy witch!! She knows how I feel also. When we were still dating their kid transfers would sometimes take 3 hours...when I put my foot down ex-wife was like "oh, is she jealous?" Grrrr!!!

christiedd's picture

Wow, the gall of some women. Why would an ex invite much less pay for an ex to go on vacation. Thank goodness he said no!!

christiedd's picture

From what I understand their relationship has always been like this. They divorced not so much because of fighting but because their marriage felt like a roommate and not a marriage. We've been together a 1 1/2 years so hopefully as time passes & she realizes I'm here to stay she will cut out her crap. My DH has been very good about letting me go with him to pick-up or drop-off kids but I hate feeling like a supervisor. Even when I'm there she takes forever getting kids ready because she doesn't make the kids listen so they're running around while she's trying to get them ready. Even her boyfriend says they talk too much/take too long when ex-changing the kids.

christiedd's picture

When she kept going through the kids dresser at our house I finally had to tell her this is my/DH house, if you need anything let me know and I will find it. Made me & her very uncomfortable to confront her like that but who goes through dressers at ex's houses??? After that she wasn't comfortable around me. She would ask my DH can you open the door when I get there. I would make sure I greeted her at the door }:)

phoenixgem89's picture

nice!!!! }:)

Sootica's picture

You are 100% correct-what she is doing is definately not ok, sounds like she has tried every trick in the book and besides using her own kids as a pawn she has now resorted to using other peoples kids (the nieces) as a pawn!It's beyond vomity :sick: !

christiedd's picture

Well DH and I don't have any kiddos together but that may eventually change and I bet that will make ex-wife jealous to the moon and back. She already got jealous when she found out we bought a place together even though when they were married they couldn't do it. I'm just trying to be patient as DH slowly starts seeing the light and setting boundaries with her. In the mind time I would LOVE to give her a piece of my mind about what's appropriate with my husband!!

christiedd's picture

Talked to DH and he even admitted is very weird that she invited him to a b-day party but since he has to work at that time he didn't talk with her about inviting me since he's not going anyways. He said he wouldn't have felt comfortable going without me especially if his ex had brought her boyfriend and such. I don't know but it's all weird that she would start inviting him now.

Dee015's picture

oOH MY gOD,Why must BMs always behave so foolishly???? Itis sickening....

Gosh I just love this site,don't mind me,I'm just here to observe!

Dee015's picture

oOH MY gOD,Why must BMs always behave so foolishly???? Itis sickening....

Gosh I just love this site,don't mind me,I'm just here to observe!

Dee015's picture

oOH MY gOD,Why must BMs always behave so foolishly???? Itis sickening....

Gosh I just love this site,don't mind me,I'm just here to observe!

Dee015's picture

oOH MY gOD,Why must BMs always behave so foolishly???? Itis sickening....

Gosh I just love this site,don't mind me,I'm just here to observe!

Maneater's picture

Yeah she is way over stepping. BM tried that with us. I started dating DH before BM even knew she was pregnant. A month into our relationship, she called with the I'm pregnant news. She tried talking DH into giving their relationship another try for the sake of the baby. He declined cause he was already in love with me. So he made it very clear that if she chose to continue the pregnancy that he was not coming back because he had already moved on. But that didn't stop her. BM seem to think that just because they are the mommies of the children, they also have some sort of intitlement or devine right over the fathers of their children. They also feel that common boundaries that would normally apply to any other women, don't apply to them because they are "special". BM asked DH to be in her maternity photo shoot. LMFAO!!!!!! Bitch you wish, why portray to be a united happy family when it really isn't? Way after SS was born, she would literally try to hold normal friendly convos with DH about jersey shore, no she would send him a friendly reminder that jersey shore was coming on that evening. When I confronted her about it, her response was: "we used to watch it together, something you know nothing about" LOL so I guess I'm supposed to feel less special or below her. LOL yeah your right, same as you, knowing nothing about being married to him, or better yet I get to experience something that you never will & that is seeing your son interact with his daddy:-) Oh don't you just wish you could be me, cause I'd hate to be you:-)

I feel like you should guard your man from such craziness, because no ex in their right mind would invite like that. I would confront her if I were you, let her know you've got boundaries so she better watch were she steps.