It is not wrong, this is natural feelings. But, unfortunately, you are in this situation and have to do what is best with both of these children. She is seven years old, so she is still workable. As my DH puts it, she is not fully cooked yet. I suggest family therapy for all of you.

Your wife has to back you up on this, if she doesn't it will not work....

If your wife has raised her before you came along, then of course she will not acknowledge what the child does because she learned it from her mother. Sad, but true.

With that said, your wife needs to ask herself why she expects someone who is not related by blood to her child to have a closer relationship that the one who is related by blood has. You know, I don't know the reason the guy has disappeared from his daughter's life, but I can tell you that most of the time, it is directly related to the biological mother wanting the guy to move on and for her to start what "she" considers a nuclear family with some other guy, more kids and HER kid...without interference from her ex.

There is absolutely, positively nothing bad or wrong with the way you feel....the VAST MAJORITY of us feel that way...only some of us are more vocal than others

I wouldnt care what anyone says you are entitled to your feelings and to want time to yourself with your wife and newborn that is completely natural and normal...do not feel guilty or bad for feeling this way...you are in the MAJORITY...TRUST ME!!!!

Depends who you are talking to whether this is considered normal and acceptable. Here on st, yes because we all live the hell of being a stepparent. And yet in the real world without the anonymity that ST brings, it is not acceptable. You will hear things like, package deal, treat her like your own, you are the adult (therefore you must lay down and be a doormat). So, just be cautious sharing your true feelings with those Brady bunch families that think a blended family is all roses and rainbows when it really is far from it.
Had someone told me the things I now think 4 years ago I would have thought they were horrible and now I have entered the reality of pas, skids from hell who have no aspirations in life and who I foresee my DH allowing to live in our basement until they are 40.

I will speak from my perspective: I do not expect my bio kids to interact more than cordially with their stepdad (my hubby). That bond takes time to create. Maybe a life time. But, that said, this little girl is in a sad situation, just be her friend. Maybe do something together once a week like throw a ball or take her to McD. Talk to her about her favorite things, colors, movies, friends, etc. She will act negatively at first, but give it a few months and you might be surprised. Teach her how to be tougher and WHY it is good to be tough.

You are not doing this for SD7, you are doing this for your family-of which you are the leader. It's just like a boss taking employees out to lunch, it is for the TEAM.

As for your feelings, it is absolutely normal to feel more detached from everyone once a baby is born-it is an evolutionary mechanism that protects the newborn. In time, she will grow up (and if you don't shape SD7 now, Baby will become like her and eventually start resenting you for being a jerk- remember they are now SISTERS and sisters have strong bonds!)

You can do it! And congrats on your beautiful family

Wow this echoes my situation in many ways!

My SS is 12, I got with his mother when he was 9. I feel separate from them most of the time as they often shut themselves in our bedroom talking whilst i'm downstairs on my own. My wife keeps nagging me to create conversation with him but I just can't bear to be fake or interact with someone whom I resent. I would love to have a relationship with him and believe me I have tried and nearly succeeded but when my wife is in our company he turns into a little disruptive attitude freak!

I constantly find him glaring at me when my wife isn't looking, and this winds me up to the point where I would love to give his arse a good slapping but just end up snapping at him instead.

The arguments we have are only about him and she accuses me of "not trying" with him. I just wish she would help me interact with him rather than just sitting back watching and arguing when it doesn't happen.

We are currently trying for a baby, I know this will push his nose out of place and to be honest I don't really care. I love my wife to bits but I just can't wait for the day when this little brat realises the world doesn't revolve around him.

Nothing wrong with the the feeling but consider this:

My bio daughter was 7 when hubby and I got married. Because of my own guilt, ignorance, and plain fatigue , I didn't work hard enough to set proper boundaries with my daughter and she cllung to me as if she owned mr. She resented the hell out of new husband and then new baby came along. My husband had no experience with kids and was completely disgusted when she acted out. So many changes left er terrified and insecure. I am a grown woman and I can't imagine I wouldn't be the same. But my daughter was 7. She acted out a lot, became clingy, possessive of me. My husband saw her as an a horrible little repugnant spoiled brat and never got over it. He doted and still dotes on our son,now 7. He completely ignored my daughter, except to scrutinize her every move, lest she do something reprehensible like chew too loud or eat too much or leave a light on. Even then he never corrected her--continued to ignore her existence--causing her a great deal of grief and aven fear. There were a few occasions when my husband aknowledged my daughter--tto rant and rave and throw a tantrum at her for some misdeed he just couldn't fathom, such as running the hot water too long when "his" son needed a bath.(he turned off all the water in the house and when she came to me with her hair full shampoo pleading to turn it back on for a minute, he chased her around the house screaming .). But those instances are isolated. For the most part now( she is 15) she does not exist to him and she remains very wary and uncomfortable in his presence. When I am not home and he and my son are, he plays and laughs and talks to our son and she stays hidden in her room. Multiple attempts at counseling. Years of counseling. Promises that he would try harder but nothing
Now that little girl is fairly emotionally disturbed . My son has no idea what a loving and normal family is and tends to pretend his sister doesnt exist as that is what his role model has taught him. I am in failing health from the stress , guilt and shame of all of it and every night Ifor 7 years I have lost sleep wondering. Do I stay and give my boy the happiness he deserves or do I go and give my daughter some redemption. Would it matter now? Is the damage done?
So, no there is nothing wrong with how you feel and at least you have the conscience to wonder. My husband sleeps soundly ( and alone for years now) and doesn't seem to have a clue.
Thoughts tend to become actions. Actions can have irrevocable and devastating effects. You can't control your feelings but be sure you are culpable if your feeling cause you to scar innocent people for life. Your sd is innocent...she didn't ask for this and has no power.
Leave them now and save everyone (including you) the torment. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in my husbands Karmic shoes even if he couldn't help his feelings. Cruelty to a child is just unforgiveable IMO.