DH isn't consistent
DH and I both have 3 kids each that live with us full time. Up until now, whichever one of us caught whichever child misbehaving/being rude/disrespectful/etc gave the timeout/punishment. I am ALWAYS consistent, none of the kids can get away with it sometimes and not other times. I back DH 100% EVERY time but DH sometimes tell me to "leave it/chill out" (apparantley I let too much get to me) But what kind of message is this sending the kids? If I pull the skid10 over something, the kid loves to argue back, and I hear from DH is "will you two pack it in!!!" I'm being fair and treating all the kids equally. I'm trying to disengage but I always end up doing things for the skids when I would rather scratch my own eyes out. I started off with the best intentions for the skids (the BM is not in the picture at all) but lately even their voices annoy me and I can barely stand to be in the same room as them. I know its not easy for DH either with my DD11, I know she can be a complete nightmare too, but like I said, I ALWAYS back him 100%. I want this family to work but it feels like the kids don't. What can I do??? I've tried talking to him about this but we always end up back in the same spot. I suggested family counselling and all I got was "if you think you need it"
If I pull the skid10 over
If I pull the skid10 over something, the kid loves to argue back, and I hear from DH is "will you two pack it in!!!"
He's putting you on the same level as the child when he says things like this
Third this
Third this
My bf says something similar
My bf says something similar and I agree he is putting myself a 41 yr old woman on the same level as a disrespectful 6 yr old, I will not repeat what I said, I think you need to put your foot down, if he cannot back you up then maybe you should'nt back him up, you'd just be putting as much effort in as he is, if he dos'nt want this, then he needs to pull his socks up.
I suggested family
I suggested family counselling and all I got was "if you think you need it"
So, he's good then? He doesn't see a problem with this dynamic?
That's the problem and if he doesn't think there is anything wrong with what he is doing, he's not going to do it any differently.
It is not okay for him to treat you like one of the kids or for the kids to treat you like you are one of them (arguing with you), but they are following his example.
As all the kids grow into
As all the kids grow into puberity and strain against parental authority the situation will become intolerable. If its financially possible tell your husband to either come to counseling or you'll have to make other arrangements - as in leaving.
You can disengage but having two sets of rules in the home makes this difficult and they're bad enough as it is.
You could use Supernanny! Or
You could use Supernanny! Or you could watch some old episodes at least..
Either rules are applied across the board, the expectations are clear, and kids
pay attention to them, or they get used to having their way every other time and
then rules are meaningless and do not work at all - not just work 50% of the time,
they will not work 100% of the time. I am sorry for your plight... i would hate having
to be the policeman and then to be told off.. *you* do not need family counseling, your family does!
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your responses!
I chose to ignore his comments that put me on the same level as the kids. I know I shouldn't have and it did really p1$$ me off, but I'm at the stage where I'd rather walk away frrom the situation instead of arguing about the kids again. We don't argue that often (probably due to me keeping my mouth shut) but when we do, it's always about the kids.
Last night he undermined me again in front of the skids and kids so I pulled him to one side and explained every time he does that he is telling the kids that its ok to not listen to me. He was so apologetic and said he was an idiot, I agreed with him. 2 hours later SS8 decided to act out, I dealt with it but DH didn't step in till I made it clear he should.....
While I've been lurking on this forum I came across a really good comment that is the case in my house "the problem with your kids is you" I think DH would rather bury his head in the sand and pretend stuff doesn't happen, instead of dealing with it. It really bothers me as he works in a school (the same as the the skids and DD11 goes to) and he's always saying how all the kids in school listen to him and respect him.
I'm certainly not going to be a doormat anymore and I'm not keeping my mouth shut. I thought the problem was the skids but it isn't all them and all the comments above have helped me realise that. It's definately helping me not dislike the skids as much. He said late last night that they will grow out of it....yeah ok whatever DH....(he's under the illusion that because he was was a terror child and was near on perfect in his teens that the skids will be the same)