3 year old HELP!!!!!
My boyfriend and I recently moved in together. He has a 3 year old daughter who is just precious, or at least she used to be. Prior to us living together she would always love when I came over, played with her, did anything with her really. Lately, all she does is scream and cry anytime I try and do anything for her. I cannot put her to bed, make her food, put her in her car seat, even turn the AC in the car toward her. She starts to scream and cry and says "I want daddy to do it." It has really been making me sad lately and I dont know what to do. She even told me she only loves me when i give her popsicles or lollipops, which sadly seems to be true cause thats the only time she will have anything to do with me. My intentions are to bond with her and treat her as if she was my own. She does not make this easy at all. I know she is young and may just need time, but in the month we have lived together, nothing has changed, its probably even gotten worse. What should I do? I need advice.
My generic advise to all
My generic advise to all divorced parents is if the children really do come first then you don't shack up or get married until the kids are out of high school.
The step-parenting concept failures are as old as nursery rhymes and nothing since then has led me to believe its gotten any better. Children just instinctively reject a replacement.
Date, tryst, do what you want when the kid isn't around but don't try to become a step-parent to this kid. It isn't going to work - the kid warned you outright which is more than older kids will do.
Listen there must be millions nae billions of childless men out there. Don't do this to yourself, this kid or her father. Do you really want 50 years of this?
Yes 50+ years as they never truly go completely away.
I know the feeling. It is
I know the feeling. It is normal though. She was used to having her dad all for herself and now she has to share him with you. It will pass.
I don't know that I agree with Orange County Ca on that you should either wait until the kids are out of high school to move in, or go and find yourself a childless man. We can't really help who we fall in love with, right? That's why we're all here. If you asked for my advice, I'd tell you to run, but you're not asking. What you are asking for is for advice on HOW TO DEAL WITH IT, because you're not ready to quit. Correct? What you need to do is be prepared. Step parenting is really difficult and there will be many obstacles to come. If you are committed to this relationship, keep being nice to the kid and doing what you're doing but always remember that she's not your kid and you should not treat her as if she were. She will let you know that you're not her mother more often than you'd wish and you'll be heartbroken.
Good luck though...
As far as Orange County CA, I
As far as Orange County CA, I have to say that I somewhat agree. However, we know that is not what happens...If this is starting now, I would run for the hills. The fact is that this is NOT the child, I don't buy it. There is NO DOUBT that the BM saw you as someone "who wasn't a serious threat" before and now that you have moved in, SHE will ensure that this kid does NOT bond with you. Believe me. This is exactly what happened with my DHs daughter. The other girls he had flings with, his ex actually didn't care much and did not turn his kid against them. As soon as he told his ex and daughter that we were moving in together and that we would become a family, all hell broke loose. Even he commented how quickly she changed. That is just the way it is with these freaking women.
If I were you, I'd start disengaging NOW. If you think it's hard now, imagine spending years upon years trying to do for this little girl and her constantly rejecting you...
She is really quite young.
She is really quite young. Where is BM in this? It has only been a month and as aniQ mentioned about it will take time, she is used to it being just her and Daddy. Give it time and do not press the issue. If you keep trying to have a relationship with her right now it will just make things worse. In time she will come to you, she will likely be more accepting of you since she is so young it will just take some time.
My Sd6 loved me at first and
My Sd6 loved me at first and then her attitude changed dramatically, I think it was when she realised I was staying, now things have improved thank goodness, Bf used to say to her if she asked for something, ask Sm, so unless she asked me, she did'nt get anything, I hope this helps.
I appreciate all the feedback
I appreciate all the feedback I have been getting so let me elaborate a bit more so you understand the situation. This attitude from her has only been going on for a week or two now. Her BM is pregnant and about to be induced on saturday with another man. Her and her new boyfriend moved about within two weeks of when we moved out. I think my Bfs daughter is just going through a huge change, new places to live for both parents, and both parents living with someone new. She is probably confused and does not know what to do. I think only time will tell what will happen with us all. The BM and I get along well and I have never had any drama or problems with her. I do not know what she says to her daughter behind closed doors but I can only hope it isnt mean. Everyone has noticed how cranky she has been lately so apparently her aggression is not only towards me. My bfs mom has noticed it too and she has been throwing lots of fits lately. Hopefully she will just need time. Send well wishes my way, I love my bf to death so I dont want to give up on us, i will need them immensely.