Step daughter is a over coddled

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So thank you site for being here!
I am with a man who has a baby girl who is 2 1/2 and was concieved durring make up/break up sex. I adore him and lOVE my time with him so much. Obvious problem is this little creepy kid. He is a musician and mother a teacher. They have 50-50 custody. Tbis babys mother has done everything to US. From false accusations of RAPE which were dropped to CPS calls and accusing me of abuse and drug use. Mother is a demon who bleaches her her blo de and wears a false mask of innocence. Its been thousands of dollars and years of hell but seems to be slowing down. NOW this monster they have created is hear to remind them of the mess tgey made. She is in our home monday thru friday from 7am to 4pm everyweek and every other weekend he gets her. So at a minimum 5 days and max 7 per week. She is 2 and a half this june 2012 and wears diapers gets a bottle when eve she cries. Her fav words are I WANT THIS and dad says what!? What!? And rushes to give it to her. This child is no sweet little girl. Doesnt play quietly or sweetly. She destroys our home and has her own room with flat screen tv she NEVER is in there insisting to ruin our couch jumping on everything and throws all my pillows on the ground. She whines and crys for dada all the time and can not be ina room without seeing him. She calls me a bitch. And we are sure mom is teaching her thsi. She has no boundries and has never had a time out. He thinks pre school is bad and will not ever put her in it. She is an aweful child and he and his mom coddle her and act like everything she does is sooo wonderful. Its horrific. Im hanging in for aummer when they will share a 2-2-3 scheduel and i will get some time alone without her in my life. Dad also insists he sleeps with her in her bed so there are some weeks when i sleep alone 5 nights a week. Any real advice is welcome. Obviously there is more good and bad to this story. Im looking for ideas that may help me/us to get more on the same page. Does any one know of websites to teach dads better parenting skills? Thanks in advance!

Run. The man you are with is

Run. The man you are with is allowing this child to behave this way. He has her 5 - 7 days a week. You're life will be hell if you stay. Don't blame the kid, blame the guy you're with. Her mother may suck, but he is equally responsible for this child's behavior. Her mother didn't put a flat screen tv in her room!

Thanks for taking the time to

Thanks for taking the time to respond with really great advice! Thank u!
i have done all of these things. She has her own cooking drawer of cups and spoons in the kitchen I do art with her and coor and paint and paint her nails and glitter and tattoos and bubbles and bathe her. Etc on and on i taught her baby sign language and even the big girl milk cup instead of a bottle. But if dad and mom back step. ( she was alomst completly off bottle) and give n to whines n crys from guilt. Well im done. Its been a few weeks and its worse and worse. He says i do nothing. Sounds crazy but its goin to take a tough dose of reality to have him figure it out and eventhen he wil probably not ever admit to any wrong doing on his part. He is a narssasist. The people who respond with RUN are correct.

Thanks for taking the time to

The blonde comment was caddy

The blonde comment was caddy and i apoogize its just that she is always getting her really dark roots bleached and shopping and very vain. Her daughter is a dark haired tom boy and she is trying force her in to cheetah print dresses and bows in her hair which she always rips out and goes bonkers! Shes a ruff n tough tomboy n mom is a promiscuous shallow woman. Im just plain idiotic for thinking if i loved him enough trust me im stupid.

She's 2. Kids that age do

She's 2. Kids that age do not want to stay alone in a room and watch TV, and I don't blame Dad for not asking her to; That would be bad parenting. 2 1/2 is also OK to still be in diapers.
I generally don't like to be negative on this site because I believe it is a site for support, but kids this young are not "creepy", they are kids.
The parenting comes in with the jumping on the couches and such. It is very possible to teach kids not to jump on couches, although please remember they are kids, they will occasionaly still jump on the couch.

Trust me i get it. But she

Trust me i get it. But she crys and says she always wants to poo in a diaper. Jut this am! And dad laughed. He yells at her and she cries every diaper change. Its messed up. I tried this am to say. You have chices and maybe u want a book or try t sit on the big girl potty? Its just weird. Really really weird how people see thier childern as objects and not as people.

I think at 2.5, it's not

I think at 2.5, it's not unusual to be in diapers. My oldest ssons was still in his diapers(pullups) until he was walmost 4! I have coworker who just started potty training her 2.5 year old daughter. As for the bottle, maybe you can work at weaning her off, maybe put the milk in a sippy cup.

A 2 year old calling you a bitch? I know it sucks but she probably doesn't know what that means, she's just repeating what she heard. Her parents need to step up and teach her good manners.

Have you talked with your SO about your concerns? While your FSD's behavior is horrible, it's your SO's response/behavior that's more important. She's 2.5, you still have time to mold her and help her turn into a decent human being. But you can't do that if her father is not supportive of you. If you want to give your relationship a chance, write down your concerns, have a heart to heart with your SO and see how it goes. If he's opened to your suggestions and willing to set appropriate boundaries with SD,that's great. But if he's defensive and blames you for your concerns, then it's time for you to either accept that this is how it's going to be or run for your life.

Good luck to you.

Thank you for your time.

Thank you for your time. Really it means alot to me. The typos r from my touch screen phone through the tears. Honesty im not as iliterate as it looks. Anyway, its way more about dad being stuck and guilty and narssasist as opposed to the child. Shame is two creepy birth parents way out weigh one step mom who sees the light. I knw what they r doing and how much this wil al affect the grown up woman whe will be. Its sad

Um ... 2 year olds do not

Um ... 2 year olds do not have the mental capacity to understand what they are doing and the reason behind it.

Its parenting skills.

Good websites ... and magazines ... are Parenting.com ... believe it or not.

But all the advice doesn't mean a thing if Dad isn't willing to learn.

Do you have anything OVER this man? For example, when DH and I got married, they moved into MY house. It really helped the first year to say to the kids "While you are under MY roof, you will follow MY rules" which happened to be DH's rules too.

Do you own the car? Can you possibly make him conform using manipulation?
Yeah I really don't care if this is not healthy and what other people say in response to my advice.
You clearly don't want to leave the guy so I suggest you get a little more "assertive" and find a way to take "control" of a potentially rotten child.

Manipulation isnt y style. No

Manipulation isnt y style. No can do. But i totally agree with what u say. This is just a little person in the making. Thanks for ur time!

Here is a good website too

Here is a good website too ...

http://www.kidsdevelopment.co.uk/childsrelationshipwithmother.html

Dad is stuck and prides

Dad is stuck and prides himself and family that they dont read. I am an idiot. I thought i coud change him. He is an idiot for not understanding we a need to learn and grow. Sighs:::: thanks again

I've got some advise for you

I've got some advise for you - spend the rest of your life with a spoiled rotten kid who will hate you and her father who will cater to her every whim.

And I do mean 'rest of your life' because this is going to get worse and worse until you die. Don't even think it'll end when she's 18 or get married or goes to college. Its for evah...

Sheeesh Harsh Thank u Need

Sheeesh
Harsh
Thank u
Need it
Thank u

I hate to say it, but I do

I hate to say it, but I do not see your situation improving, and I say this because I have been there. I got together with my DH when SD was only 1 year old. Now she is 4 and I wish I had left when I had the chance (we are married now). I literally regret it every day. I wake up wondering why I put myself in such a horrible situation. My advice to you is to leave. I know it is hard, but you do not need to put up with this crap. My DH is just like your boyfriend- coddles the kid beyond belief, won't allow her any independence, is up her butt 24/7 when we have her (DH and BM have joint custody so we have SD at least 50% of the time). I just don't see you finding happiness in this relationship. It will get worse, not better.

Omg Omg Omg You are right Im

Omg
Omg
Omg
You are right
Im getting all my ducks in a row as i type this
Thank you
Its never too late

I'm glad you've seen this for

I'm glad you've seen this for what it is. He's needed a baby sitter and sex partner and you will be sorely missed. Please steel yourself and do not fall for any pleas or promises that things will get better.

You've been screwed for months or years already and here's where you're at. Don't think that wasting more time will change anything.

Men don't change.

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Step daughter is a over coddled