They all but ask if we are kidnapping him...
Ok, so, know that this is, in a way, a good thing, but it is still hard to be around.
FDH is really starting to put forth effort into parenting SS5. The problem? SS5 is acting worse than ever in public because he isn't getting his way. Twice in the same week he has behaved so badly, screaming, kicking, crying, and fighting that people have actually starting walking up to us and asking if everything was okay and were we actually supposed to have this child. Seriously. This has happened twice this week. Once in a store where no less than three employees came up to FDH to ask him these things and it happened yesterday while we were supposed to be having a special family day.
SS5 is completely unaccustomed to going and doing day trips and such. Before FDH and I got together he had never done more than go to the local playground for an hour or go to the bookstore and play with the little toy table they have while BM read a book. My son and I have always been very active, going on day hiking trips, to museums, the zoo, you name it. But because SS5 has never done these things, and is spoiled rotten, any outing we go on turns into a whining, fit throwing session. Well, FDH is stepping up, and what used to be just some whining fit throwing moments until SS5 got his way have turned into screaming and kicking marathons that can last the entire time we are there. It is sooooooo embarrassing.
I just want to tell these people, "Would you kidnap this child? Really? I would pay his parents to take him back"
Sounds like The Ransom of the
Sounds like The Ransom of the Red Chief, a short story by O'Henry. I used to do behavior therapy with little kids and a behaviorist would say, start reinforcing good behaviors, ignoring the bad ones. So cancel for now long trips to far-away places, take him to a store with a goal in mind - find and buy something of interest to the kid - and reward him for everything he does right. Praise has to be behavior-specific: Johnny, i LOVE how you are holding my hand/pushing the cart/staying close to us. He could be getting points and once they add up to 5/7/10 depending on his attention span, you could whip out some special treat, or take him ride a merry-go-round at the end. Make sure he has a good time. Once he flops on the floor and starts screaming, you remove him from the store and go home. The fun is over. Do not scold him, do not say much - the consequences have to be swift. You can review the rules before you go. It will take time to adjust his behaviors, but it can be done. You have to give him positive attention for every little thing he does right so that he could get the message: screaming is going to bring me nothing, being a big boy and asking for things in a big boy voice will get me everywhere. Good luck!
Your ss is trying to get DH
Your ss is trying to get DH to back down, kids bad behaviour always gets worse before it gets better when parents attempt to address unhealthy issues.
So hang on in there, both of you
P.s does ss have consequences to screaming and hitting/kicking when you get home? I had hyperactivity (ADHD) as a child and would throw tantrums, if it was in the house my mother would leave the room and close the door. She refused to give me attention, even negative. I didnt do that out and about though, but I was naughty she would hunker down to me and tell me coldly and firmly "if you dont stop this instant you will be going to bed when we get home with no treats/playing with toys..." then if I didnt stop she did exactly that, until I got it. No meant no in our house.
Who will blink first... DH or
Who will blink first... DH or SS?
I agree 100% with Bluebelle. SS isn't ready for long day trips. And for his entire life his dad has behaved ABC and now he does a 180 and behaves XYZ. It will take time. Imagine throwing your son into the reverse scenario. He can no longer go on day long interesting trips and has to sit quietly and read a book or an hour at a playground.
That being said, bad unsocial behaviour is not acceptable. His father should remove him and take him out of sight and lay down the lawand then wait until he clams down.
Out into the car he goes
Out into the car he goes until he settles down then right back into the situation. Repeat as necessary. Sitting in the back seat of a car while Daddy ignores you while standing outside or listening to the radio gets boring even to a 5 year old who can quickly see he's wasting his energy. Plus its a instantaneous consequence.
The thing is, these aren't
The thing is, these aren't day long trips he is going on. Using the trip to the store as an example, we were only there about 30 minutes. We had gone to the store to buy the boys soccer balls and water coolers for the upcoming soccer season. This will be SS5's first year playing and my son is moving up in ball size so they both needed new balls this year, FDH wanted to start practicing in at home with them both so we were buying them early. Well, all was going pretty well. SS5 had tried to climb a pile of merchandise and had been made to get down, but other than that all was well until we got to the soccer balls. SS5 started throwing his around the aisle, FDH told him to stop, SS5 began a power struggle, looking FDH in the eye and deliberately throwing the ball after being told to stop. FDH took the ball and put it in the buggy, SS5 snatch the ball out and threw it again. FDH took the ball and carried it. SS5 screamed and cried to get it back. FDH took SS5 to the bathroom to discuss his behavior and let him cool off. SS5 calmed down, but the minute he got back to the part of the store with people in it he started screaming and pitching a fit again. FDH put the soccer ball and water cooler back on the shelf and told SS5 that he wouldn't be able to have them today because of his behavior. SS5 went mental, screaming, throwing himself around on the floor, and then proceded to get up and start stompling on MY feet and slapping whatever part of me he could reach. FDH removed him from the store, I paid for what we had and we went home. This was in 30 minutes.
His behaviour yesterday started almost immediately upon arriving at the destination, and we were only there for 2 hours.
I know that it will just take time, it is just so frustrating right now, and the fact that his aggression is targetted at me makes it more so. The aggression towards me is fairly typical, when he gets worked up he directs it at females, something I attribute to him being angry at his mother for all but abandoning him...