Can't beleive SS disengaging is working
I cannot believe my SS can be soooo self -center , I don't know if anybody read my POST earlier when I first started coming to this WEBSITE , but I've been married for 22 years. This year i started to disengaged from my stepkids because they are so disrespectful to me and DH... It all started last for my DH 60 birthday party. me and my husband went back to church just for everything and GOD fulfilled the emptyness I had in my heart from losing my daughter (2000) from a Medical Desiese. and so on. We both did our confirmation together which was so beautiful.. We also invited his MOM to , at the end of the confirmation when it was over, we walk to the back of the church, to my amazement his Mother crying ? I thought because she was happy that we did our confirmation? I went to go hug her and she said I needed to REPENT because I had alot to repent for?? She said the Grand KIds misses thier GF and how dare me take that away. ??? I said are you talking to me she said YES I'M, talking to you!!! I just look at her and walk away from her. I told my DH what was she talking about ??? She believes all the lies from her adult grandkids??? Next day I go have lunch with a friend I called DH just to check up on him and he Told me his Son email him ? this is from his son
(SS)- You had communion n confirmation today and didn't invite me. What the hell is wrong with you? You wife has you confused. You think God is gonna save you from you bull shit you wife is doing. Please you got another thing comeing too you. . You guys both lost your dam mind. I bet you wife is real happy now she dont have any kids and she wants you too be that way too!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I hope your happy now!!!!!! I will let the kids know you forgot about them now.
responed from(DH) You are so wrong that is all I can say,I think of my grand kids every minute, your unwillingness to forgive is what is making the situation worse,telling the kids I forgot about them another error on your part.
Wow is that crazy... is my disengaging finally getting to him ??? or them !!!
please reply
Thank You
I wonder if your DH thinks
I wonder if your DH thinks that when you disengaged, you expected him to, also? I never expected my DH to disengage when I did....his kid, his problem. He (DH) still talks to SS24; I, on the other hand, choose not to. I also let DH know that I don't care to be updated about SS's life. I have kids of my own to worry about. Do you and your DH have a good relationship with you being disengaged?
@ Hippygirl - NO I don't
@ Hippygirl - NO I don't expect my DH to be disengaged with his family, DH just came back from watching his Gkids play baseball, he knows the truth about how rude they can be he just feels Bad it all came to this, knowing how much effort and time I put in the relationship with SS over 22 years. I would not be disrespected by the whole clan again! DH has his own mind He knows I don't want any part of them again and I accepted the fact I may never be close to them again. If everybody can sit down and pay attention and listen to one another then it can lead to a good relationship, But I forsee it... never going to happen. Yes we have a great relationship he is a great man.
It seems you have a lot more
It seems you have a lot more power over your husband than is humanly possible, HE is unable to make a decision on his own to maintain contact with his kids. Because the ONLY reason he doesn't MUST be your fault.
Maybe that is something he may want to discuss with his mother to start with.
@ oneoffour- Wrong no magic
@ oneoffour- Wrong no magic power over him... from the beginning he made his own choice not to communicate with them, he said they were sticking up for their wives he told me he's backing me up. Even as far as he hurts for his grandkids? not my choice its his?? He did go see his Grandkids play ball. I was ok with it . I love those kids too ! but I won't be disrepected by the clan again.
Are you and your husband
Are you and your husband joined at the hip? I'm serious - does he think that when you fail to attend some function for his kids he feels he should not attend also? Perhaps I'm confused.
Have you told your husband you've disengaged? Have you made it clear that you expect him to maintain normal relations with his relatives?
Orange County I don't make up
Orange County I don't make up my DH mind , he can go to any relatives function's on his own,
but would he want to without me ? No i don't think so. he loves and cares about me , I love him back why would I want to throw him to the dogs!! Are they really going to take care of him or use him ?? Really ! He dose show up at baseball games and plans to have a normal relatioship with his Grankids if they let him! I fail to mention his older grandson was his sponcer's at his confirmation , maybe because his mother respect us and loves us ! Thats what clear about it .
Thank You Augusta- you know
Thank You Augusta- you know where I'm coming from ! It gets to be a broken record after awhile, you get tired of all the abuse smirks, and comments. Everything is my fault! I am a good person bent over backwards for these people for what to get kick right in the ass from them! enought is enought! If me DH wants to see them then thats his problem, he's starting to see what they are all about! I just sit back in watch! I will let God handle this and if there is something GOOD that comes out of it then AMEN if NOT then I keep living my life without them ! I don't need negitive anymore !
Thanks
Stepdown - I think you got it
Stepdown - I think you got it all wrong! sorry thats not the problem here. He loves his family but not when they are all against me. when things are better I'm sure he will be making the right decision or if they really need him, he won't turn them down. he's too generous to them.
What absolutely kills me is
What absolutely kills me is that no one, SKs, BMs look at their behavior as the reason we have chosen to disengage from them! It's always the influence of the evil SM who has forced the DH to disengage, or as I was accused to choose me over his BSs or their BM. No folks, it was your toxic behavior that forced us to turn away from you!!!!
Although... I may just
Although... I may just mention this to my DH... }:)
Mom2tomany- You abosutely
Mom2tomany- You abosutely NAIL it ! thanks for being there for me !!
I got blamed too when DH grew
I got blamed too when DH grew a pair and told his family that he was all done with them for a while. Their needless drama was making him sick--his back was out and he was having a nervous breakdown. He didn't mean his kids but SD called me a bitch in response and SIL1 (she and SD are SO alike) flamed out at me saying the usual "blood is thicker than water" and "i'll be here long after you are gone."
Years later (and after we moved FAR away) they all see the truth of things, including BM's poor parenting, and SIL has "accepted" our marriage now that she's happy with a boyfriend finally. (the woman is 57 and long divorced)