You sounds way too mature to be dealing with this guy. He's twice your age, but if he doesn't get it now when his kids are 10 and 8, he isn't going to get it later.

There are plenty of young men out there without children. They can be found on college campuses and in college towns.

Finding a young man without kids is easy. The hard part is going to be finding one who wants to be a stepdad.

Start reading about guilty disney dads and disengagement. Its eniugh to drive you crazy.

This wil get you started trying to figure out how to handle it.

A lot of us deal with jealous SDs and guilt dads

If you were my age, my advice would be totally different. But since you are so young, those above have already said it: There are guys out there your age who don't have kids yet. Find one. I know what you are going to say...they are too immature...but this guy isn't mature, is he? If you want to hang on to this guy, date and don't get involved with the children. Ever. Because it only gets worse. I'm almost twice your age and I can tell you it is NEVER easy dealing with someone else's brats.

Wow I feel for you I really do, I had to threaten to leave unless sd's behavior improved she was a whining spoilt nightmare, she spat at me tripped me up and more.

I really disliked her, so I thought I either leave or give things another try, I picked my battles and spent some quality time with sd, thanks to me she now has some manners, bm's family are as we say in Britain rough.

With time and effort she loves me now and my time with her is mostly good, well all kids are a pain sometimes lol.

I hope this helps, remember you have a right to be heard and respected its your home too.

I can relate almost 100% - I have no kids of my own and my bf is only 7 years older than me, but other than that, we are in extremely similar situations. I love my bf to death. I've known him since before he got married to their douche bag BM. The ONLY reason they got married was because the stupid whore got pregnant. At the time, I told him, take the baby and run as fast as you can, because she is going to drown you in misery! And I was totally right, and now, another child, a divorce, and two horrendous brats later, here we are. It has been an extremely long year, but with much patience and love, the skids are coming around. The BM is a brainless, selfish, idiot and made sure she reinforced that in the kids. Thankfully she doesn't see them more than once a week since she dropped them off and didn't even communicate for 3 months, a year ago.

Men are idiots. Bottom line. Mine still bends over backwards to accomodate BM and allows the whining and nonsense, but we both genuinely love one another and he respects my parenting abilities. So if that is the case for you, stick with it, because you will have what so many people are searching for - true love and a family. But if not, do what is best for you and your little one and get out of the situation. You'll be healthier and happier for it!

I really feel for you! My boyfriends 10 year old daughter does the 'stalking bit' and won't let us have 2 mins to ourselves...... she will even get a chair and sit by the kitchen door if we are cooking - just to make sure we aren't kissing or anything..... she is driving me crazy! You aren't alone, belive me.... I feel like walking away every single day lately..... who knows I might have to do it too for the sake of my own sanity! x

I match your situation very well. I am 22, my husband is 41. I never saw myself getting in this situation, but yet, I'm not surprised. I moved out when I was 16 due to step parents problems and graduated high school early, moved on to college, got my real estates license. My dad died when I was in my Senior year and my parents had been divorced since I was in 6th grade. Needless to say, I grew up really fast caring for my two younger siblings to help each parent out. I could cook pretty early on and I was not a complainer. I do feel like I was raised right.
I somewhat knew what I was getting myself into, but was determined to not obe that horrible step parent at the same time. My husband has two kids that live in Utah with their BM and one daughter here that lives week on, week off with us.
She got away with a LOT in the beginning. She was completely helpless and constantly whining and crying for attention. I did my best to get him to come around to helping her be more self sufficient. Now, she showers by herself rather than her dad coming and washing her hair for her while she screams the whole time... She gets her own water. For example, after a while of me living with them, I moved all of her daily items to where she could reach them. I showed her how to make her own peanut butter sandwich and made sure all plates, cups, bread and peanut butter was where she could reach it... When I fold clothes, I set hers aside and ask her to come fold them with me. I always empower her to learn how to do what she is wanting to do. Her learning how to do these things cut down the whining a lot. Problem is, it was just be expecting those things of her after a while. My husband rarely would ask her to do something she should be doing anyways. (I never ask much, just the basics of what she should do, I make sure of that.) Right now, we've been married since November. Our wedding night, she cried all the way through it because she didn't want me to marry her dad. It was hard. And to be honest, it hasn't gotten easier since then. Some days, I wonder what I have gotten myself into. But I love my husband. But I do need him to put on his Dad pants and realize that being a good dad is not doing everything for her but empowering her to grow under his roof. Being a parent is raising your child to be the best that they can be, not doing everything for them just to keep them happy at all times. Him and I are about to have a talk. I am the horrible person around the house because I am the only one expecting highly of her. If he was doing this too, I would not be the bad person around the house and yes, it'd be hard at first, but she would get use to it and know what's expected of her by both adult figures in the household.

It's not easy, you're in for a roller coaster ride.
Just be sure that he is on your side, because if he isn't. You're in for hell and back and are better off going through the heartbreak of losing him and starting over.

My God its a wonder you are still sane, I really feel for you, I worried about being alone, I have no bio kids but have one sd6, now Im thinking spinsterhood is sounding very appealing.

I completely understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend and I "fell in love quickly". I think it was only a couple weeks after we met he decided to bring his daughter around me to see if we could get along. A couple days later he moved in. I thought there would be no problem with me having him live with me and him having his daughter every other weekend. I had had boyfriends before who had children, older than my current boyfriends kid (she's 3), and had never had problems. I actually wanted to spend more time with the kids. My ex and I never lived together and it was rare, or a special treat when I was able to be with both of them. Now that my boyfriend and I live together and we get his daughter every other weekend, I'm starting to resent everything. He gives her everything she wants when she whines or throws a tantrum (EVERYTHING that comes out of her mouth is whining!), or even just because! There is NO discipline in our house and I cannot stand it. I was raised with manners and discipline. At first I stayed out of it because it wasn't my place. Then she started drawing on the walls, and deliberately doing bad things....and there were no consequences....Once I stepped in and started to attempt discipline, or rules of ANY kind, he would just go behind me and say something different! When she is EXHAUSTED at nap time, he doesn't let her nap because he doesn't believe in naps and because he thinks she doesn't need one....it's all very ridiculous and I can't take it anymore! I keep wanting to break up, and I think at this point I have no other option. We have been together only 8 months. I have no children of my own and when people tell me to find men with no children I tell them look for me....they don't seem to exist anymore. The new norm is kids out of wedlock at an early age. My 17 year old cousin just had a baby. I find now that I'm older that there is no point in being with someone if your parenting skills are way different. My bf tells me he is only this way because he doesn't get her often. I would love to have a son, but the way he views girls to boys is to me, unrealistic, and I don't agree....right there alone, that should have me running...but I love him when she isn't there, and we get along really well. But if I'm honest with myself, I don't love him anymore, I love who he was...I loved how our relationship was in the beginning. It's hard to find men with no kids at this point in life, and I would have to agree with you. Being single sounds better and better the older I get....I feel your pain, and I hope it gets better with time, or you hurry up and leave before you're tied to him for 18 years....

I appreciated reading everyone's post as I am in a similar situation dating a guy with an 8 year old son who controls his every move. At first the son loved me and said he wanted me to be his new mommy... but my BF warned me that his son changes his mind. The son kept making comments about us getting married and asking when we are getting together. I asked what he wanted and he replied that he wanted to move in with me. I was shocked and happy as I fell in love with his father, and for a few months, we were all getting alone great. My BF is a widower and I was amazed at how well he and his son were handling their loss. Thing is, he was still living with his wife's family (and still is) when I met him. Against my better judgement, I met "her" family less than a month after dating him. I felt strange that they wanted to meet me so quickly. His inlaws are divorced so he not only had to live in one inlaws household, but spent almost every weekend visiting the other in law also. I was also amazed at how nice and accepting her family was of me.

All seemed well so I offered to have my BF and his son live with me since I have a house and he did not. I wanted him to be autonomous from her family and for us to start a new life. Well, little did we know the son thought he could stay at his private school (40 miles from my house) while they lived with me. The day we showed him schools in my area, he immediately started treating me badly. It was plain as day but my BF did not recognize this, even after I pointed it out repeatedly. What got me was not how the child reacted, as he is just trying to keep the secure world he is used to, but it was my BF's passivity ignoring his behavior and allowing his defiance to continue towards me. I told my BF I cannot be the reason he changes schools and that he needs to move out and get his own place before we could ever live together. His son now made their lives more difficult as my BF makes little money that he allows the GM to pay for the private school. His son picked on everything I said from this point on. It seemed I was the only one who saw why... the inlaws who once liked me now thought I did something to the son also and started saying I am not mommy material. None of them were perfect parents, in fact their children hardly come around to see them. I was so hurt that this child was so manipulating and all I did was extend kindness to offer my home to them both. I have dated other men with children and never had a problem with the family or the children so this was doubly unbelievable.

I shut down becoming afraid to talk in front of the son, but asked my BF to reprimand him for his behavior. He said he saw noting wrong with it but said if his son had treated other people like this, he would reprimand him. What sense did that make? He said he would not compromise his son. He really believed that the son blurting our insults was a good sign, because it showed he was not afraid to say what was on his mind. He would always brag how his teachers said how smart he was, yet he could not spread peanut butter on bread or learn to not put his shoes on couches and chairs. The son always complained, whined, never said yes when we ask if he wants to do something. He had the summer of a lifetime and yet was never satisfied, always looking for the next high to top the last thing he did. He pulled my BF's shirt, sat on the ground tired after walking 2 blocks, constantly repeating Dadeeeee, Dadeee as you stated about your step son. Made me sick also. I saw my BF more of a caretaker than a father whose son did not listen to him ever. he also never carried out his threats. He seems he wants to keep the son dependent on him... and then he let the son sleep with him constantly, so the son saw me as the reason he was kicked out of his father's bed. My BF thought it was okay for me to sleep with his son but I refused. To top this off, my BF's not paying attention or not processing logic information got me to think he has ADD. I felt I was with 2 children. He actually thought he had since childhood but it went undiagnosed it for 40 years? WOW, I asked him why he did not tell me this 5 months ago? ADHD is serious and explained a lot of his behavior and my frustration with the both of them, for if the father has it, the son may also.

I, like all of you am tired and afraid of being alone, and at my age, 50 and childless, I welcomed a man with a child... but this situation seemed unfixable since my BF was/is in denial of existing behavioral problems with his son. He still resorts back to I must have done something him. This has to be his ADHD at work... not processing critical information. I felt the son & the inlaws won. I was the easiest target being the new person on the fringe. What hurts me is that my BF, even though he loved/loves me, let everyone else control him and ruin our relationship. He really thinks there is a woman who is going to be that passive to let the son walk all over him and her and let the his wife's family be a huge part of their lives.

I feel for all of you and know how hard it is to break up when you truly love someone... thing is your partners need to show you they love you too, and not allow their children to abuse you. But even for themselves as you stated, they are not doing their children justice for their future lives.

For the 25 year old, you are too young to have to put up with that mess. At my age, I feel as if I need to settle and yet I couldn't. Stress is a killer. You will find a younger man and a better situation. Don't compromise yourself or you son. None of us should. Good luck to all and thank you for posting.