buying a house with fiance...
Hi everyone and thank you for reading... I have a question... My fiancé and I are buying a home together and being that he has a child and that child’s mother is unpredictable I've been curious if I should seek legal counsel because closing on a home or am I being irrational. The last thing I want to go into a buying a home blindly. I brought this up to fdh and he seemed like he got upset that I had even thought of this. He told me I was being overly dramatic and I shouldn't be thinking negatively. ( I told him I was thinking of this because in the event that something happens to him I don’t want to have sell my home because we were careless in titles and what not... his argument was that we should be married by the time one of us dies, at which point I advised him I could get hit by a car at lunch... we just never know)
So my ultimate question is am I just being a worry-wart or am I legitimate in my concern...
Thanks for reading, I appreciate it! 
It couldn't hurt to get legal
It couldn't hurt to get legal counsel to be on the safe side, in case she does try to pull some legal stunts, like getting more child support because her ex is buying a house. Do all you can to make sure she never sees one penny of your hard-earned money. In most states, they will not factor your income into child support orders. However, it's always good to be on the safe side.
I vote for getting legal counsel for another reason as well. If she does try to pull any legal stunts, you can be equipped, have knowledge and have good help. Knowledge is power.
Even if you are not married
Even if you are not married the title to the house can go in both of your names with rights of survivorship.. which means if one of you dies, the other gets the house free and clear. You do not have to be married to get this type of title.
DO NOT BUY a house with FDH
DO NOT BUY a house with FDH if he refuses to go to a lawyer! Red flag is right. In my state (CA) there are crazy laws that protect bioparents to the point of stupidity. For example, if your FDH dies and there is no "tenancy after death" decree in your deed (or something like that, can't remember exactly...and the FDH puts SS as benificiary, if SS is minor, BM will get half your house. You will be forced to rent to BM or sell and pay BM half. My DH did not believe this until I paid for and visited a lawyer myself and handed him the paper work. Go to a real estate lawyer if you can afford it.
Thank you guys so much for
Thank you guys so much for the responses!!!
It is NOT negative or cold to
It is NOT negative or cold to seek legal advice before making such a HUGE financial commitment. Its prudent and something everyone should do to protect themselves and any family they may have!
I also would be worried if my partner tried to prevent me from doing this or trying to disuade me from being sensible and protecting myself and our future!
I have heard stories where some SM's have been screwed financially when things have unexpectantly turned for the worse.
So ignore your OH and do what is right for you.
BTW is your OH in agreement that this property will be left in your name should he die before you and you are unmarried (hopefully that doesnt happen but you need to plan for just in case)? If you can add a clause to ensure this is cast iron VS just taking his word (which he could break once you have bought the house) then do so, if he agrees with leaving it all to you then this shouldnt be a problem should it? If it is, warning bells would be ringing and I probably wouldnt go ahead!
The title on the house we
The title on the house we bought last year says, "Titled to ThatGirl, an unmarried woman." And that's the way it's going to stay. There's no way in hell I want his children thinking they'll ever have any claim on our home. Heck, one of them even asked for all of his camping gear when he dies (which is mostly mine from before we met).
No, you're being smart to
No, you're being smart to protect your investments from his kid and kid's BM. Why should they benefit from your hard work? Also, if he's paying support, I would advise waiting on the marriage thing. When DH and I pass away, his kids ain't gettin' crap.
Another thing I wanted to
Another thing I wanted to add, which I didn't think of until now... He asked me a while back if I would be bothered that if after we're married he doesn't add me to his life insurance etc... he said he wanted to leave everything in his son's name... When I was talking to him about all of this today he stated again ooooh well if I die we'll just sign something that everything will be frozen until my son is 18 and then at that point it will ALL go to him and not his mother. I have no qualms with him leaving stuff for his kid but does that mean if I die he gets all my assets yet if he dies I get nothing?? Should I be bothered by this or am I am being overly sensitive. I mean what kind of marriage would that be??
okay this thread has totally
okay this thread has totally freaked me out! My husband and I didn't know any of this and bought a house 4 years ago! I have no idea if we are protected against this at all! Now that I have read this forum I can't believe I didn't 'think of it before, that if my husband passes away, if he hasn't willed his entire estate to me, that his kids are entitled to it. Including our home!!!!! Off to the lawyers we go! lol Crap!
I think your questions about
I think your questions about insurance definately should be put to your attorney too!
I live in the UK and am unsure what your laws are regarding assets, death and wills in the USA. However, in the UK if you skids are dependant minors then their legal guardians can challenge a will which leaves everything to the stepparent, as this means the child is left with no financial support from the deceased parent's estate.
Many father's overcome this by setting up insurance policies which name their child(ren) as recipients of this policy upon death, to ensure their children are provided for.
My own DH wants to leave me our home. He bought this house before we started a relationship however from the moment I moved in I have paid 50% and sometimes more for things.
We drew up a will and left everything to one another. DH has also taken out a life insurance policy which names his kids as beneficaries. If they are still minors we have left it in trust, ensuring we have names trustees (not me as BM has a history of violence and harassment towards me) who will manage these funds. If they are adults they have the money when they reach a certain age.
Now the skids could still challenge the will even with an insurance policy, however its less likely they will be successful as DH has made reasonable provisions for them.
You need to ensure that you have sorted these types of situations before you move/marry each other, as it can lead to all sorts of problems and resentment issues if you are leaving everything to DH and yet he is leaving most things to his children. Protect yourself and your assets!
You are not being overly
You are not being overly sensitive~not one bit. Take it from someone who has made stupid decisions and lived with my feelings of discomfort for years. Those feelings don't go away, they fester until they burst. My recommendation is to do nothing unless you are sure you are doing the right thing, without reservation. We can never be certain about how anything will work out, but going into a situation with VALID concerns, only to be dismissed by SO, makes me worried for you and I don't even know you.
Wishing you all the best~