Do any of you ever feel like this? Sorry...just venting
I am so not willing to carry on with this relationship anymore! Not until he sorts out his kids (SS16 & SD 21..both living with us and both who have been creating living hell in my life for the past 6 years!!!) Both are dishonest, horrible, uneducated (by their own choice), irritating, untidy and vile human beings. They are using FDH and doesn't see it. I'm done...I can't take it anymore. I am 46 and my mental & physical health is going down the tubes!..I don't want to be a miserable, sad old woman when I hit my golden years!
Please tell me there are others out there who have got to this point ans survived. I have been biting my tongue, trying hard to live with this but I now feel so down, so used and so very tired of all the crap that I deal with from one hour to the next. I feel trapped. We work together (family business) and live together and there's no escape for me.
I love FDH dearly, but I cannot deal with these brats any longer. I really don't want to leave and I really don't want FDH & I to break up, but he does nothing about his kids and no matter how I ask him to give them consequences for their actions, or to sort them out, he doesn't do it and makes me out to be the big b*tch in the situation.
Yes, I know it's a cliche but
Yes, I know it's a cliche but as GOforit says get into counseling ASAP. Two thoughts: how about getting your own little place without breaking up? and what the eff is a 21 yo doing living at home?
we just had my ss18 move out
we just had my ss18 move out for the same reasons you describe about your skids - lying, irratating to the rest of us, untidy and vile behavior. it felt GOOD to get him out and clean house. now we're also moving! it was hard to get him out but worth it. make that your mission - to get sd21 out the door. you SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE THE ONE WHO LEAVES, it is YOUR house not hers. Stand your ground, (excuse my french) and grow some balls, and say ENOUGH. don;t give anyone a choice. tell dh it's non-negotiable, she leaves and YOU DON"T LEAVE.
dont forget to set a date she
dont forget to set a date she must moves out (30 days is generally what landlords give tenants). then have a friend help you on that date to pack up her crap and put it outside on the front lawn and change the locks. You can do it!
Really? You just told me
Really? You just told me yesterday that I shouldn't change the locks and put my SD stuff outside, that this happened to you and it's hurtful. Something seems generally wrong with how two days later, your post is the complete opposite of this advise Sterlingsilver, Hmmmm.
I didn't mention that my son,
I didn't mention that my son, 22y/o, is renting our outhouse, but NEVER see him. Besides that, he has a career and has his own life to live. He plans to move out at the end of the year.
Unfortunately SD21 is unable to care for herself and that is why she lives with us. She's tried it, and was evicted for not paying her rent. We took her in, gave her a job at our business, but everything she does, she stuffs up. It gets embarrassing, especially at work. I can't stand living with her AND working with her!
FDH & I are very happy, as long as there are no kid issues for us to deal with. Him & I differ on morals, especially...DON'T TAKE WHAT IS NOT YOURS!!
She failed because she had a
She failed because she had a safety net. My mom kicked me out right after HS grad, it was sink or swim for me- so I swam. No choice. Give her the boot.
No enabling for the oldest.
No enabling for the oldest. And you ARE enabling by giving that place to live when she CHOOSES to not pay rent and get evicted.
Amen Sky.
Amen Sky.
We have since had a few
We have since had a few arguments about her and the subject of her leaving came up. I suggested we give her 6 months to move out, but he feels that is too harsh. I said I simply cannot live with her anymore & perhaps I should leave. That didn't go down well at all!
So we are in limbo now. He thinks I have alterior motives & that I will leave even if she moves out!
Oh my, i need to rant too
Oh my, i need to rant too sorry!!!!. Basically i dont live with my partner but we are committed adn plan to soon...Anyway not content with all the nasty petty acts towards me his SD25 has now asked him to babysit on one of the 2 nights we spend together a week but doesnt want me to go, and he has agreed!!!!!!!!! WTF, his reasoning is if he does it this way then next time he can say im not to be excluded, but he cant see why i have aproblem with it. Its so obvious she is calling the shots, asking a favour then dictationg the terms, adn he for a peaceful life ie no fallout with the witch, is going along with it. He finds it far easier to fall out with me (btw ive not done anything against her apart from love her dad)than her, and if it comes down to it she will come first. Not sure how much to take, apart from when shes in the picture our r/ship is great. My kids like him, the rest of his family like me, its jsut her. how can i get him to see what she is doing and why it upsets me when he goes along with it...
ok goforit, have posted
ok goforit, have posted separately lol. Sorry
I think you did the right
I think you did the right thing by telling your DH what's what.
Now, as far as some of the other stuff....
1) WORK - since he's insistent he needs to "carry" her thru life and employ her (although she sounds, um, unemployable) HE needs to deal with every.single.error she makes. HE deals with HER, HE deals with the CLIENTS (or whomever), HE does the 'splainin when she's effed up something. Let HIM take the heat. In no other employ would someone be able to maintain a job while performing so poorly (okay, scratch that because I can name a few).
2) HOME - if both SK's are so filthy, it's now officially DH's responsibility to CLEAN UP after them. I had to do this to my DH.... found out he hates cleaning more than he loves playing disney dad. Anyhoo, from now on, HE does all of the stuff they should be doing but aren't.
3) DISENGAGING - I agree totally with this. The more remove your body and your emotions from their laser sites, the less you will feel yourself in turmoil. It may not be 100% fool-proof but will certainly improve YOUR disposition.
Thank you for the response.
Thank you for the response. I have been off the site for a couple of days because DD13 had her tonsils out on Friday & it's not going too well with the pain management!
"HE needs to deal with every.single.error she makes. HE deals with HER, HE deals with the CLIENTS (or whomever), HE does the 'splainin when she's effed up something. Let HIM take the heat. In no other employ would someone be able to maintain a job while performing so poorly (okay, scratch that because I can name a few)." Problem here (and I have mostly been letting him deal with her stuff-ups) is that eventhough he is the director of our company, we have amalgamated my company with his and she has been working for me, as MY assistant. So I mostly HAVE TO wipe up her mess! He has now fired her, even though I suggested less drastic measures like she only fills in for me when I am off and she doesn't do any more of the important stuff like scheduling of students and teachers etc. He has employed her back as a temp worker and she will also work on our website in between her school work. I have learned with FDH that it's best to let him deal with his kid's mess ups, as I am always the evil step-monster when I point it out.
At home, we have decided to employ our domestic worker an extra day and charge it to their rent accounts.
Disengaging..I did this a long time ago, and it's mostly still in place. Problem is, that they are incredibly jealous of the attention that I give my kids and this often causes problems amongst the kids.