Call the cops or no? URGENT
I found pot in my 15 year old SD's room this weekend. I have a legal obligation to report this crime (I am an attorney). My SO is not supportive as he loves his daughter and has just realized she needs help. Our problem here really boils down to, mom won't send SD home to face her punishment (grounding including her participation in a club sport that Mom and Dad both paid for) or to enter drug treatment. this is the fourth substance abuse issue we have had in the past six months, and before that we have reports from other kids that there were many parties, drinking, etc with various friends. Mom was to return kid to dad tonight but now kid is "afraid" to be here so MOm is keeping her and conveniently allowing kid to go to her practice, hang out with friends, essentially have little or no punishment.
Mom is a drunk, sobriety unknown.
SD has lied, variously, regarding about the drugs, about previous drinking that was witnessed, and about her attack on my child (from behind, violent enough to leave bruising, witnessed by her dad and two others). She is out of control, and even before this incident, we had the county mental health assessing her as seriously behaviorally disturbed and in need of drug/alcohol an dmental health services. Mom refuses to allow these, since the child is ALSO involved with SRS/DFS (numerous hotlines on mom, dad, child, etc, because of mom's drunkenness and the child being beyond parental control). She thinks that is enough - a social worker therapist - and we should leave it be. So she has determined that she will just keep the child to avoid all the consequences.
I need help - do I call the cops and have SD face the music re her substance issues? or do I ride it out? I don't want her in my home honestly, she is a danger to the kids here and to herself. But I also think eventually she will wind back up here when mom goes on a bender or SD and mom fight (happened two weeks ago, she ran away/mom kicked her out, cops had to come then too). And by then things will be worse with her.
Advice, please.
If it were me I'd never risk
If it were me I'd never risk my own career (if you are obligated to report) for a skid. I'd be willing to face the music with SO to do what was right for myself. I'd find a way not to allow her back either.
Report her. she needs to face
Report her. she needs to face the consequences of her actions or she will never learn. Shes going down the same path as her mother and it will get worse. You have a legal obligation and a moral one. SO is enabling her. I would rather face SO with a decision i feel is right. If he wants whats best for her, he will get her help, not enable her. Good luck. If it were my SD, I would report her and get her the help she needs.
How does an attorney have a
How does an attorney have a legal obligation to report this? Hmm, that's one I hadn't heard before.
Personally, I'd report her. BUT I suggest you weigh what's important to you. You "could" lose your BF over this.
Please provide a link.
Please provide a link. NOWHERE have I read that an attorney is a mandated reporter if they find weed somewhere.
I prefer to have people as my best friends.
HAHAHAHAHAH attourneys aren't
HAHAHAHAHAH attourneys aren't mandated reporters of their family! LOLOLOLOL. Wow.
Ignorant much? I am a
Ignorant much? I am a mandated reporter for ALL suspected abuse. Family designation doesn't relieve me of legal duty. Wow. This is how people justify NOT reporting molestors and drug abuses - its "family" so no matter how damaging the behavior is, keep it in the family. I see this daily - I am a child abuse and neglect Attorney FYI. I feel pretty sure I understand mandated reporter laws a bit better than the average person because I spend much time working with the resultant cases.
Even I wasn't a mandated reporter this is my home and there are four other children and an unborn baby to protect. It was reported. I will deal with any fallout to me but this child MUST be helped. She has been physically violent to another child in the home as well as openly saying she hates me and the baby and wants us dead. There are more issues here than you realize but having drugs in my home is not something I will live with or attempt to work through in therapy. The law is clear - on the consequences for choosing this as well as the potential consequence to me if I don't report it. I know about aiding and abetting and conspiracy to destroy evidence. I'm guessing you don't other than what you saw once on tv. This is not a case of me needing any excuse - it was me needing a reminder that there is NO acceptable excuse for allowing this behavior in my home.
Okay, so back to the subject.
Okay, so back to the subject.
If you report her, you will probably destroy your marriage.
If you don't you will not only violate the law (?) but you will be going against what YOU feel is good and right and potentially effective.
I turned in my son five years ago. To this day, I question myself. He is still on probation for that offense. Sometimes I think I saved his life, other times I am painfully guilty. NO ONE CAN ANSWER THIS FOR YOU. But know this...your husband will probably hate you for it.
I'm glad you followed
I'm glad you followed through. i agree this was very important. No matter the consequences for your marriage, DH should not be putting up with this from his child either. I don't understand the thought process that one should worry that you will offend dad if you report illegal activity of his child. He should be appalled at his child and handling it. If he handled it right, you wouldn't have to.
I dont need an excuse mayo.
I dont need an excuse mayo. And FYI attorney client privilege doesn't exist here. SD is not my client. I am mandated to report abuse (or child in danger of harm to self or others). You have Kansas law very very wrong ... Call the bar and ask them.
CHILD ABUSE. I found
CHILD ABUSE.
I found abuse/neglect mandatory reporters everywhere.
Mandatory reporters for teens doing weed???? Yeah, still haven't found that.
I never said it wasn't possible; I just said I'd never heard that.
And I still haven't...believe me, I tried to find ANYTHING that said that ATTORNEYS are mandatory drug use reporters.
PS: It's spelled REALIZE and IT'S (contraction for IT IS)
If you're gonna be so nasty, at least spell your nastiness correctly!
I'm typing on an iPhone.
I'm typing on an iPhone. They reclassify things lots.
I don't really care if you believe I'm a mandated reporter. I am. Call the bar. Ask Kansas whether an attorney had the duty to report suspected child abuse or neglect. I dare you.
Ps drug use is considered abuse and neglect. Pps abuse and neglect also comes into service when you have a child beyond parental control, ie using drugs, or a child at risk of harm to self and others. You should thoroughly explore this subject to make educated responses especially to a professional in the area.
Report it. Regardless of
Report it. Regardless of mandated reporter or not, it came from someone who is likely providing it to other "children". She will have to face the consequences and so will her parents. If she's already had drug problems it'll only get worse. Sometimes when you care you have to be the bad guy.
please report her. but bear
please report her. but bear in mind that they may not take her in, depending upon the situation may just give her a warning or something....
Do any of you consider the
Do any of you consider the relationship with SO? Aren't we all here because we are in love and having trouble with the additional circumstances of being with the one we love? I want to know what Dad wants. Its his kid. Thats the frustration we all have. Its not our kid. BM might be worthless, but I assume the father is not or you would have been gone long ago.
Is your relationship more
Is your relationship more important than your career? Some mandated reporters can face jail time if it is discovered that they didn't make a report.
If I don't report something I SUSPECT and it is discovered that I suspected something, I can lose my job,my license my pension and go to jail.
I considered it and stated in
I considered it and stated in my earlier post that I'd still report it. This is MY house and if I found drugs there are consequences. I'm supposed to go against that because SO might have a problem with it? Nope.
I am a mandated reporter by
I am a mandated reporter by virtue of being officer of the court and a child abuse and neglect guardian ad litem. You couldn't be more wrong about the effect on my job. Not to mention the risk to my own children. We have been trying to get this child help for more than a year for drugs and alcohol and she's been using since age thirteen.
I called the cops. It's time.
Whether you feel like you
Whether you feel like you need to because of your job or not, that is up to you. Personally I feel like as a part of the family that sees what is happening you need to report her. Her parents are just enabling her, they are not helping her. If she has been caught that many times by the age of 15 she needs help.
Oh I just saw where you said you called the cops, I think you made the right choice. Your SO might not be happy right now about it but lets hope in the long run he sees you did what was best for his daughter.
Maybe the question you should
Maybe the question you should be asking is not should you report her. Maybe you should be questioning the relationship you have with a man who would not want to do whatever necessary to help his kid. What will his response be if you do report her? What does he think is effective, nothing has helped so far? And if you don't report her, what is the future hold for you and your kids?