Why do i even try?
I am so glad I found this site as I am at wits end with my adult stepchildren....I have a fairly easy go of it with my stepdaughter who is 34 up until recently. It all started with when our grandchild turned 1 we gave them a 400 gift certificate for a portrait sitting and photos. The only thing we asked was that we really just wanted a photo.
Well they finally used it late last year 1 1/2 years after receiving it. So we finally were sick of waiting and asked if we coulld take our grandson for photos. So i bought a new outfit for him right down to new shoes. The pictures turned out amazing. Well my step daughter said i want a copy of the disc and both her father and i told her that she would get it once we have our photo. Well she said get off your high horse and give me the disc. Needless to say we left.
Well at xmas they gave us 4 photcopied 8 x 10s (might i add poor quality and off center which would not sit in a frame properly.
Well she has decided to avoid me in all possible ways, avoids texts phone calls picks up and hangs up and says its just her phone.
I finally texted her and asked her what did i do to tick her off. She wrote me a 4buyi page letter which was nothing but cutting and telling me that I didn't care about her feelings and on and that we should just appreciate anything that they do for me. And again she said "ANYTHING" My husband was horrified!
She does have 5 original 8 x 10s at home all for her. I have read that its best to disengage, so that's what I am trying to do.
I have gone out of my way by cooking prepared meals for them, buying clothes etc., for the grandchild, giving them money when they can't make payments. Have been there always always....
My husband went over today and gave them the original cd. I have the photos on the computer so don't need the cd.
Any suggestions.
If you can find it in your
If you can find it in your heart to disengage, you should. It's very freeing, and a heck of a lot cheaper. Sorry she's being such a jerk.
When you give a gift, you
When you give a gift, you have to let it go. You can't put stipulations on a gift.
Welcome to StepTalk sharon.
Welcome to StepTalk sharon. Your situation is quite common so try not to take it personally.
Without having any background it is difficult to give any suggestions other than those within my own paradigm that might be totally off base in your situation. The only thing I would say at this point is, it sounds too soon to disengage.
Read up all you can on Adult Stepfamilies. Although there are others, here are two titles that I found useful:
1) STEP WARS – Life in an Adult Stepfamily : Overcoming the Perils and Making Peace in Adult Stepfamilies By Grace Gabe, M.D., and Jean Lipman-Blumen, PH.D.
2) STEPMONSTER: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do by Wednesday Martin PhD – has a good section on adult stepchildren.
You can google either of these titles to read more about them online before committing to a purchase. But your local library likely has lots of resources available. Just steer clear of the ones that are full of myths and advise you to be the doormat.
Hope this helps.