My husband has two children, an 11 year old daughter and a 13 year old daughter - we get along wonderfully, for the most part. The 11 year old and I fine for the most part, but the 13 year old is .... well .... horrible most of the time, like 99% of the time. She's *just* like her mother; she lies, she's manipulative, she's rude, she's disrespectful and just not a nice person.

Discipline should solve this problem, right? Yeah ... good luck .... I have talked to my dear husband about a million times; it's all talk - no action, it's just talk. He yells at her, tells her "this is the last time I'm telling you...." yeah; there is no punishment. Just threats. Let me tell you, she really thinks he means business when she knows she can be rude and still get what she wants - not.

I have gotten to the point that when they're here (every-other week, it's joint custody, but he is the main parent - the mother is a joke, she's an evil woman who is no more than an ovary donor and only likes the kids being around so they can clean her house, no joke) I just try to stay away from everything. I understand, I love him and with loving him comes his children - but seriously, I don't feel that I really need to be a part of their lives if I don't want to be. I married him, not them.

How can this be solved? Does anyone have any idea? My hubby and I never fight, ever - we don't raise our voices at each other and we have never had anything serious enough to even get truly agitated about. Even this issue, when it comes down to it - if he doesn't want to ensure his children aren't disrespectful punks, that is his choice and his ex-wifes choice, I have no need to be a part of that because they aren't mine so I just let it be. I have chosen to just separate myself from them as a way to deal with it.

Now, another big issue is that when they go back to their mothers she tells them that they don't have to listen to me because I'm not their mother. The youngest understands that's not the case and she does need to listen because I am an adult - but the 13yo, ohhh she threatens it all the time and says things like 'I wish you would - I'll call my momma!" (which personally, sometimes I wish she would ... and I wish her momma would come over here and take up an issue with it ... well, my inner immature adult does - but I refuse to speak with her because she has the maturity skills of an 8 year old so neither my husband nor myself will communicate with her)

I don't want to go and write a book for my first entry, so I'll stop there and just see where it goes. I think it is just nice to get this out and hopefully not have people thinking I'm some evil you-know-what because I am being driven crazy by kids. This is my first experience around kids, as I don't have any. And I am not some horrible step-mother, I swear - I clean, I cook, I buy them whatever they need, I help with homework, I make cupcakes for school - well, I did ... that is coming to a halt because I am not going to go out of my way to be nice to kids who treat me as though I am there to clean up after them.

Oh lord, since we got on that subject - I may as well keep going; I am also annoyed that they do NO chores - just have to clean their room. My husband is the one who helps me with cleaning and yet he is the one who is home the least and never makes a mess. He keeps saying they're going to have to do chores ... but again .... that never happens.

Should I just be more pro-active? He has my back 100% on everything and he does NOT think his children are perfect (at all, in fact he recently said that he's at the point with the oldest if she says she's never coming back and is staying with her mom he will be just fine with it)but there has to be something that can be done; the whole environment of the house is just different - in a bad way - when she is here. I don't like being around her and you can literally feel the tension as soon as she's home. It's just ridiculous. And I am getting gray hair because of this; I'm not even 30 - this should not be happening.

Sorry this is all just babbling ... I guess once I started getting stuff out, it just wants to all come out at once lol