Stepkids with no respect
Hi everyone I am new to the step parent thing and to the forum.
Me and my Finacee moved in together around 5 months ago. before we moved in her kids were great. We did a lot of things together, I tried to do special things for her 15 year old daughter and 18 year old so. before we moved in together I sat down with all of the kids and we talked about the ground rules for the house, including, respect, responsibilities, expectations. So it was all out there from the start. BTW. I have a 8year old daughter from my prior marriage. Fast forward to us moving in together....
Her daughter is so disrespectful to her mother, me and her brother. Does not do anything with the family. Spends all of her time in the room. Refuses to eat anything we buy other than pizza and bagels, then complains to her dad that we don't feed her. She has yelled at me a couple times in front of my daughter. I can not tolerate that in my house so I Yell back that I will not be disrespected and she needs to go to her room until she learns respect. The major issue is that she tells her dad half truths of what is going on in the house and he takes her word for it and feeds her a bunch of B.S. on how she should not listen to me or her mom.
Now her son is 18 and has ambitions of going to college. Well he is failing a couple classes in school. i have tried to help but he shows no interest in learning and only wants things handed to him. He takes no initiative other than to play on facebook and his pokemon games (did I mention he is 18?) He goes days on end without seeing the light of day and will not even eat unless someone makes it for him and serves him.
I have talked to their mom who I love to death and want to live the rest of my life with. She is very soft when it comes to discipline and rarely follows through. I am so frustrated that I don't have a voice in my own house! I am worried my 8 year old daughter will grow up seeing this kind of behavior and think that it's ok.
WELCOME!! You have entered
WELCOME!! You have entered the StepHELL zone where 100% responsibility and 0% authority is the NORM! Thusly, the skids have 0% responsibility and 100% authority; something I call "adult spousal status."
Thanks for the comments and I
Thanks for the comments and I don't feel as alone.
I had a heart to heart with their mom this morning. I told her that she is my voice in the house when it comes to her kids, and I am hers when it comes to my kids. She sees that I am swift and fair when it comes to discipline with my daughter and I want her to be the same. I told her that I have compromised a lot, but I refuse to compromise anymore when I start to feel like I am compromising who I am.
She had some concerns with a few things my daughter was doing. I went and talked to her and we resolved this and I am constantly making sure that my daughter is following through.
I just want to feel like my concerns and rules that I want in place matter.
I told everyone that I am not
I told everyone that I am not a short order cook. If you do't like what I cook then the fridge or freezer is open for them to make what they want. SS18 is not a huge issue since is is kinda picky and will eat almost anything. SD15 is the issue where all she will eat is cheese pizza and bagels.
Told the fiance that they won't starve and when they are really hungry they will eat. She is soft and buckled and bought SD some Red Baron individual pizza's that are expensive as hell. I told her that no more will that food come out of the food budget. If she wants to enable her daughter then it comes out of her money.
Oh Yea SS18 will go through a quart of coffee creamer every other day. I am now making him buy his own. Kids have no idea about the value of a dollar.