I disengaged (unknowingly) i worked ALOT, weekends, evenings, etc.... i hated being home, hated ss visits. Dh typical disney dad, blah blah, we know the story. The build up of hurt, frustration, anger and resentment, made me disengage from dh as well. Even my bio's were "checking out"
I did nothing for ss. I wouldnt interact at all. Not even look at him. I had no reason to. I became pregnant and KNEW when dd was born, something drastic was gonna happen. I knew, cuz i knew i wouldnt bring another child into a unhealthy home.
Dh now visits ss. (Mil is raising ss) i do not see ss at all except for occasional family gatherings. He is out of site and out of mind. Not having to see or hear dh so called "parent" and not having to be around ss has renewed EVERYTHING!
And becuz ss isnt around regularly gives me the strength to ignore everything when i do have to see him.
it sucks being away from dh. I feel bad for dh at times, but i KNOW in my heart this is saving our intact family. It wont be this way forever.

I was a SM for 8 years before divorcing, so now that I'm dating someone who has kids (and I now have my own kids) I feel like I kinda know what I'm doing. Sorta. I have a lot more control of my situation because we do not live together. We do all stay in the same house on some weekends when he has his kids, but I can only handle that very infrequently. Even this weekend when I was at his apartment (which is too small for them) for just a few hours, I was miserable bc he lets them leave trash all over the place and with too many people in too small a space it gets bad quickly. He also has post-divorce drama w/ bm that I have to support him on. So I find myself mentally checking out of that drama, avoiding as much contact with his kids as possible, and just trying to not see the way he parents sometimes so that I can keep my own stress levels in check. So you can say I disengage, while allowing the kids to play together, and keeping his drama at a distance. I am a single mom with very little involvement from bio-dad. I have no family where I live, no support other than my bf when he is able and my awesome neighbors. So I have enough to deal with in my own home; I don't need someone else's issues taking up space in my head. And I'm FAIRLY certain bf doesn't get that. But I'm a grown woman and know what I need. Whether he understands it or not is his problem!

I am SM to (3) Skids (12,9,7) and BM to (14 and 18months). The younger Skids have blended fine but the SD (12) has never spoken to me directly and has no intentions of letting me or her new sister in at all. I have learned to let it go and not do anything that wouldn't be appreciated. Not taking anything personally and disengaging is how I survive EOW.

I have. DH was famous for trying to drop all the responsibility for his kid on me. I refused to accept it and disengaged. Im happy with it but he isnt.

I disengaged while adult SS24 lived with us. Didn't go home until I saw DH's truck in the driveway, locked myself and my whiskey in my room, etc. The only problem with disengaging is, if you have bios, they suffer as well. My kids kept asking why I don't hang out in the living room with them anymore. It was heartbreaking! So, I told SS that HE needed to find some new hobbies outside the home. He would literally camp out in my living room! I hated it. He is gone now, because my DH had a good enough head on his shoulders to see his son was making everyone miserable. Including DH! It's nice to not go through a fifth every two days anymore. That was starting to get expensive! LOL!