WAY OT...Mean girls in dance class
My daughter LOVES dance...or I guess I should say LOVED dance. Long story short, she is one of the new girls with her dance company and there is a group of three "veterans" who have given her a hard time. Two of the girls are fine, when girl #3 isn't around. But girl #3 is always giving her trouble. And if she is with the other two, they are all mean. I sit and watch almost every class and see these things, and I have seen her completely change. She is no longer happy in dance. She is always stressed out, getting headaches, etc. and she said she wants to quit. Today was the final straw for me, as I watched the girl do her mean thing, all with a smile on her face, while the dance teacher was changing the music. I want to let the instructor know what's going on. I have paid a lot of money for this and don't want to throw that away, OR let my daughter just up and quit. But I don't blame her for wanting to quit. Would you let the teacher know what's going on?
Yes! I'm not a biomom but I'm
Yes!
I'm not a biomom but I'm not sure why this is even a question?
I did some reading online and
I did some reading online and I saw suggestions like teaching the girl how to deal with it, blah blah blah. I homeschool my kids and I try to make sure I'm not "that mom" LOL. But while I was thinking about the effect on my daughter that this girl has had, I just started bawling. Imagine how my poor daughter is feeling every class!
Ah, I guess I can see that,
Ah, I guess I can see that, as you can't always be around to defend her.
I feel for her too! And I understand that you don't want to make it worse, nor be the overbearing mom and such. But it seems that if it's obvious to you, the teacher can't be that oblivious.
Edited to add: I assume you're paying for the class, also? Then it's absolutely your right and prerogative to address a situation like that with the teacher, as that kind of treatment should not be tolerated.
Absolutely you should do it.
Absolutely you should do it. Your daughter will come up against this many times in her life, and if you sit in silence then that is what she will learn. No, you must tell her you are going to speak to her teacher about this, and if the teacher does not deal with it, take her out of class. She is not there to be anyone's punching bag. Dance is supposed to build her confidence, not destroy it.
I would suggest encouraging
I would suggest encouraging her to stand up to the girls. I also think she should be the one to inform the teacher about what is going on.
Kids have to know how to fight back.
She has stood up to the
She has stood up to the girls, and that has back fired. The girls are the typical "well liked by adults, smiling while being mean" kinda girls...
I too would speak to the.
I too would speak to the. Instructor (why doesn't she see what's going on in the first place?)
If that didn't work, I'd ask to change classes. If that didn't work, I'd switch dance companies, and let the director know why you are doing it.
My parents made me stand up to bullies, thinking it was a valuable life lesson, but all it did was make me miserable.
I'm wondering the same thing.
I'm wondering the same thing. She has 4 different teachers and to my knowledge, none of them have a clue. She is with these girls in all but one class. That one class is her favorite, and that teacher is her favorite, because she doesn't have to deal with it in there.
I have tried giving her suggestions, but she has just gotten more miserable.
I would suggest talking with
I would suggest talking with your daughter first (you never say how old she is though), about her thought and feelings, and what she thinks should be done. After hearing her, suggest that you both go and talk to the teacher, but let her do the talking. Be there for support and to step in as needed, but let her feel like she is handling it. Depending on how old she is, help her work out what to say and how to phrase thing to get her point across, and just prepare as much as possible so she can feel confident and not scared or flustered when she goes to approach her teacher.
That way, the lasting impression will be that she can come to you with problems like this, that you always have her back and will support her, but that ultimately she needs to stand on her own two feet and deal with it.
^^^^^ love this
^^^^^ love this one^^^^^^^
She learns to explain herself and negoatiate yet she knows you are there for moral support and won't feel so 'alone'.
Also if it is coming from your daughter and you are standing there the teacher may not dismiss it so easily. Maybe you could even video the meanness on your phone to show the teacher? If this doesn't work ask for a meeting with the director (if the teacher and director are not the same person!). This way you can give her/him a chance to remedy the situation or gives the director a reason why you are moving your daughter out. Then spread the word.
LOVE the ideas. My daughter
LOVE the ideas. My daughter just turned 9 in Nov. She is one of the youngest in her dance classes. When she came to me last year (her only year in school) with complaints about the group she had to sit with in school, I told her that I would NOT go to the teacher. One girl in particular kept getting the group in trouble or keeping them from earning points as a group because she was a hot mess. I suggested that if she didn't feel like she could talk to the teacher, that maybe a note explaining how she felt might work. 20 mins later she came back with a full page note, asking her teacher to move her to another group, and she listed the reasons why she wanted to move. I was blown away with how she stated her case so eloquently. She gave the teacher the note the next day, and the teacher moved her. I was SO proud of her. This is how I generally handle these things.
There is a HUGE difference in this situation, and I know she would NEVER feel confident enough to go to the teacher(s). In one of her classes with these girls, the teacher is young and shows favoritism toward the mean girls. They have danced longer, are all up her butt, etc. This is a fact, I have seen it with my own eyes. So when they are mean to her and the teacher is "alllll about them" she sees it as the teacher being on their side. So she feels powerless and defeated. Three other girls, all veterans from 2-3 years prior, have quit this year, and I'm pretty sure it's because of this one teacher. I think she is 24, it's not like she's a teenager, but she has no kids and is clueless as to what she's doing by buddying up with some of the girls.