Driving for Visitation
DH had his license suspended - long story. Bottom line is that the skids live an hour away and in the past year that we've been married, BM has only driven them to our house a total of 4 times and two of those times were after she was ordered to by the judge. The rest of the time, either me (with my three year old) or DH (before his license was suspended) did the driving. BM uses the time at our house to party and sleep with gross men, so if I am even 30 minutes late because of work she has a fit. She also constantly tries to get me to pick them up for extra weekends so she can go out, but makes it seem like she is doing us a big favor letting us have the kids for extra time and therefore shouldn't be doing any driving. She also says that DH shouldn't expect her or SD17 to drive - single women out on the road alone - but has no problem with me and my DD3 driving around late at night to pick them up - she demands it.
SD17 has a license and DH bought her an older car. It runs just fine, but it is an older Jeep so SD and BM constantly complain about it. I offered to finance any repairs to it that she would like and DH did a ton of work on it. BM refused my offer, but continues to complain about the car constantly.
Anyways, SD17 drove her car to our house late Friday night after a dance. We didn't ask her to drive the other skids because it was dark. However, on Sunday, she was already driving back so we asked her to drive them home with her. She wouldn't do it - she had all kinds of excuses "we'd have to leave early so that we didn't drive at night (ummmm...so leave two hours early, we aren't really doing anything anyway), "the car doesn't do well on hills", "the boys will argue", etc. We kept reminding her that she was ALREADY going to have to drive it back so if it broke down (which it never has), we'd have to come get her anyway. I was exhausted and flat refused to drive so DH had to follow her back (driving illegally) to the house. Two hours of driving for no reason.
I did walk into the kitchen at one point and heard her talking to BM - it was BM behind this whole driving thing. I think she is just purposefully making it difficult for us. I don't want to do the driving anymore - it isn't my responsibility and just irks me everytime I have to pull up to BM's house. At the same time, I am married to DH and want to help him. What would you do?
Repeat after me...Not my kid,
Repeat after me...Not my kid, not my problem. Easy enough. You are being used here.
When my SS was 17 and
When my SS was 17 and travelled 1.5 hours each way in his own vehicle for visitation, DH would give him gas money to cover the trip. Since there are several skids in your scenario, I would add some extra hush money. Maybe $5-10 each so they can grab snacks on the way home?
Honestly if you husband
Honestly if you husband bought the car and is on you insurance I would flat out say or have him say if she doesn’t drive them she doesn’t drive. Driving is not a right it is a privilege when you are not 18 and someone else bought the car/insurance. Is BM helping pay for gas? Insurance? Upkeep? If the answers are no to those questions, tell them both to shove it and deal.
BM doesn't pay for anything.
BM doesn't pay for anything. SD's car is on BM's insurance, but SD pays for it. Any repairs have been paid for by DH or SD. I am just annoyed because I do SD ALOT of favors. This doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.
Is give SD gas money and
Is give SD gas money and refuse to do anymore driving. BM will get over her shit when she realizes that she can't party if she has the kids all weekend.
Or say.... Bm drops off and
Or say.... Bm drops off and you will bring back. That way you aren't on the hook for any driving until she has done her part, and she wants to get rid of the kids anyways.
BM does her part, now that
BM does her part, now that the judge ordered her to. We pick up - she drops off. We had to change it up the past weekend because we were stuck in traffic three hours away and BM had a FIT that she had to drive them to the house even though she was already going that way.
My point is that none of this is my responsibility. It's DH's and BM has a complete fit anytime we are late, makes deals with DH, tries to get us to do additional driving, etc, knowing full well that it is ME driving. He doesn't have a license and she won't let the skids go with him (for obvious reasons). Then I hear her telling SD17 that she doesn't need to be driving the skids home. She's doing it to be obnoxious. After all the nice things I have done for SD17 (I had literally just gotten done driving her around to meet a friend and buying supplies to fix up her room), its ridiculous for her to be acting this way too.
I would not repair the car
I would not repair the car anymore nor would I drive.
Driving is a privelege and
Driving is a privelege and not a right. If you pay for SD car, gas, insurance, etc, you should be able to dictate how that car is sometimes being used. My oldest just got her license and I am more than happy to give her gas money if she runs errands for me or picks up her little sister. If SD refuses to drive skids for own reasons or because of BM, than the cash cow needs to stop. While it is noble to do everything you can get to help out, and I know we all do, you can't get walked on either. Not your responsibility - not your problem. I used to help out my DH all the time in picking up SD because a lot of times it made more sense; timing, my location, etc. But after too many issues with BM, I had to stop. You can only be nice for so long; at some point the abuse must come to an end.
I wouldn't do any more
I wouldn't do any more driving.