Yep, that's how it is with SD in my house too. SS, we are pretty much on the same page... But SD, I don't dare say two words to her without Dh going all papa bear and rushing to defend her. And if she is ever undeniably in the wrong, then its my fault for "allowing her to do it"..... So its my fault if I correct her, and its my fault that I didn't correct her sooner. And he wonders why I don't have this fairytale motherly bond with her.... Maybe because everytime she acts up I'M the one whose in trouble, not her!.

Same here. Mine are all adults, but SS both had to work in High school but SD didn't get a part time job until she was about to graduate with her bachellors and now she is in grad school and still really doesn't have a job. If I even suggest it, I get the dirty/I don't want to talk about it look. Drives me nuts. He won't even tell her at 23 that she needs to start paying for her own stuff. I think they always treat their daughters different.

Ha! Yes. I can speak frankly to ANY of my friend's children directly. They do not mind. I can even correct them. If I do this with SO's kids??? NOPE.

Case in point:
Eating at a restaurant. SD failed driving permit 3 times and she's whining about it.
ME: SD did you study the driving book?
SD: No
Me: Yeah, you probably want to study.

Later, I get shit from SO because "you know why she got upset at dinner? You hurt her feelings telling her to study?
ME: REEEEAlly??? Wait a minute, I can't tell your daughter to do something that is obviously the answer to why she is failing. Something her parents should be telling her to do?
Him: You don't need to be so mean about it.
Me: I talk to your children the same way i would talk to my hypothetical kids and its the way I talk to my friends kids. But I can't talk to your kids this way? God forbid someone tell your daughter the obvious. Ok fine.

DONE.

Same thing when I tell him about her homework and her being lazy, so its all stopped. And when SD can't figure out her homework (when she actually does it) they silently stare at me to help. I just walk away and let them do it on their own. You don't like how I do things, don't ask me for favors later.

I got the same crap for pointing out that SD's D cups were hanging out all the time. I tell him that grown men are staring at her and she needs to dress her age (at 14-15!!) and his response "you are calling my daughter a whore and you are embarrassed to be seen with her"

Wow, whore is not the word I used, its the word YOU used SO. Believe me, they know. They just don't want to say anything. The princesses are all innocent and don't realize their ass and tits are hanging out.

Remember "don't kill the messenger" does not apply in step situations.

Absolutely! I've learned just to keep my mouth shut. We were at a very crowded event and SD9 was spacing out as usual, not paying attention to where she's walking, who she's with... So I say, "SD, pay attention to where you're going, there are too many people here..." She says in her sassy smart ass voice, "I ammmm!" DH says, "She's fine, leave her be", then not 2 minutes later, he's telling her the same thing, "Pay attention to where you're going, SD..." Ugh, it drives me nuts.

I told my SO one time that if he wanted his daughter to be a spoiled brat idiot that has no manners or common sense, I won't mutter a word.
But when someone is doing something stupid around me. I'm going to have my say. Not in a mean way. I'm just going to suggest 20 other ways that might work.

I hate talking and walking on eggshells. It sucks. My SO has not corrected me or told me that was enough or asked me not to say anything. One time he said (after his daughter had stomped off bc she was standing on the gas hose that went to the fryer that he was presently frying chicken in, I told her to get off of it) he said that maybe I was being too negative or bringing up too many things she was doing wrong.
Ok, oh. so I should save the parenting for when it's life threatening??
Wow, that's lame.

Dh, bioson and I were all in the living room about two weeks ago and bs was watching that Nick Jr show Olivia, I'm sure some of you with small kids have seen it. But about half way through Dh turns around from the computer and very emphatically goes "man, that girl Olivia is friggin annoying, how can you sit there with him and watch that"..... I just kinda shrug and say how its for him, not me... Then he goes "man she really acts just like SD".... I just give him this look and just go yep... " But SD gets pass cause she's my kid".... Moment of silence...... Then laughing "haha, they act just the same but its cute when SD does it.......its ok for SD cause she's MY kid, chuckle chuckle.

Soooo, you realize her behavior is ubber annoying, needy, self centered,with unrealistic expectations...... But thats all ok becuase she is yours? It's really funny...... All the qualities that he critizes other people for, are the exact same things he encourages her to do. And he doesn't see that he's literally turning her into the exact kind of person he hates. It's perfect when she does it, but if anyone else does the exact same thing its horrible.

Yep, I bite my tongue constantly around skids. I raised two boys on my own from 11 & 13 to adulthood, so I think I know a teeny bit about parenting. But it's best I just keep my trap shut. Can't risk hurting the skids' fee-fees and have them crying to Dad, or worse, running off to BM's house.