Will I ever be able to be myself again?
I was always a funny, bubbly person... and thats one of the things I know my husband fell in love with. He always said when we were dating "you bring out the kid in me, and I love that." But since I have become an instant stepmom, I feel like I have lost myself! Him and I had a discussion about it last night, and he says hes noticed and knows its because I am so stressed out and having such a hard time with this transition. I know he wonders what he can do, and I need to know what I can do, because I am almost to the point where I feel depressed and that is NOT me!!! Since I've gotten married and become a step mom, life revolves around it. I used to go to the gym 6 days a week, now I hardly ever can. Nothing in my life is the same. I have moved into their house, and although he tries his hardest to make it mine, it just doesnt feel that way. Thats just an example. it goes so much deeper than that. We just got married and because of the kids I feel like we've been married 10 years. We love eachother but have no time to enjoy starting a marriage!
Has anyone else felt this way, but turned it around??
One thing that will help is
One thing that will help is get a new house ASAP. You should live in a home that's yours, not theirs. It's amazing what a difference that will make.
Amm0812- I can relate to just
Amm0812- I can relate to just about everything you said 100%
I am married one year. Living with DH and his 2 kids SD16 and SS13. I too moved into THEIR house and I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! I knew it wasn't a good idea and I said we should get our own house and start fresh, like neutral territory. Circumstances had buying a new house impossible and so I moved in.
2 years later, it does not feel anything close to my "home". I am mostly uncomfortable. I live in my bedroom. The kids live with us FULL TIME and they basically ran the show before I came around. Everything in the house looks the same as when I first moved in, for the most part. Anytime, I tried to rearrange things or god forbid buy new furniture, the kids threw a F-ing fit and DH really didn't do anything about it. The couches in my living room are repulsive and I will not sit on them for the most part (smells like dog they had 7 yrs ago and are filthy). Only in the last month has DH been somewhat supportive in making the house feel more like my home. At least yours tries.
I too became an instant step mom and lost myself. I can honestly tell you that I got to the point where I was so unhappy that I was physically not feeling well. It didn't "get easier". Also, like you, my DH and I have NO time to actually have a marriage. I also have been feeling "depressed" which is NOTHING LIKE ME.
I am trying to regain myself and some balance.
This site helps tremendously and I'm currently reading the book "Stepmonsters" and I highly recommend it. Order the online magazine www.stepmommag.com. It has really great stuff. I am also in therapy which is definitely making a difference. The best supportive advice I can give you is TAKE CARE OF YOU. You almost have to make this your number 1 priority. And no, you are NOT selfish or a terribly perosn if you do that. In my experince, it's the only way for you to keep your sanity and feel like a human being again.
I wish I had better news. I don't. Good luck and feel free to Personal message me if you need the support.
EarthLove
How long have you been
How long have you been married? How old are the kids? Does your dh know how you feel? Do you have your own kids?
"It's his house, their house,
"It's his house, their house, and I just live in it."
This pretty much sums it up!
Good to know I'm not alone.
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Get a small house or
Get a small house or apartment and move out. Not kidding. Google living apart together. I can't imagine living with my bf or marrying before the kids are gone. So far it has saved our relationship, and my happiness.
When DH first moved in
When DH first moved in together, I moved into "their" place. DH's furniture was hideous and there were no decorations. I didn't give DH the opportunity to tell me no - I just moved all of his stuff to the gross basement and moved all of mine in its place. He was crabby at first but then saw how much nicer it was. It made me feel more like "our" home but not really.
We finally bought a house together and now we have "our" home. It really does make a difference.
I can relate to you all
I can relate to you all except the house thing. He wasn't living in the house that him and BM lived in but after a year we moved anyway. I have SD15 (lives with us, we have full custody) DD10 and BD3. I quit my job when I married him 5 years ago. I am now a stay at home mom because we have BD3 together. I absolutely do not feel like myself and it actually is getting worse every year. I also feel very depressed, I feel like I am getting fat but have no desire to go back to the gym. Its terrible! I feel like my life just revolves around the kids. I am not the happy, bubbly, fun person I used to be
Sometimes I kind of resent the kids because we never got to have "our time" together. I love my kids, SD not so much as she is the devil.