My 20 yr old stepdaughter is useless.
:? I came home one day and my stepdaughter at age 17 at the time was setting on my porch. Now for the past 7 hrs she would have nothing to do with us, she treated her dad like a dog who raised her until he decided to make a life of his own. Her mother was remarried and had been for 6 yes before I came into the picture. Here is the problem...her dad had been going to college as he was injured and trying to get back on his feet but he kept his daughter and a " stepson" all the time. The neighbors thought he had custody if that tells you anything. Anyway he started dating me and that's when it began. The daughter had not been to my home for two years. So here she is wanting to move in. She moved in and it was graduation and prom time which we were not prepared for as my husband is still having to pay $600 per month child support until they go to court. We spent our pitiful little down savings we had for a new home getting her new clothes because her mother would not let her have her clothes, prom dress, graduation things pics etc. Amounted to about $8,000 when all said and done. So she of course expects only the best, she won't work, won't clean her room, won't help around the house etc. She has no friends, she only dates criminals or weirdos if anybody. She plays video games constantly, stays on the computer, text all these weird people she don't even know from this online game. She is 20 hrs old still the same thing. She did however because she has some money in the bank from a car wreck " loan" us the money for a down payment for a home because where we lived was horrible. She brings up from time to time how much we owe her. I dont feel we owe her anythiing but that is just me. We made an agreement with her to pay her back as she is an adult we pay her car insurance and her cell phone bill, everything else she needs which she feels we owe it to her. My other issue is she clings to me like I'm her girlfriend or something it drives me insane. Her dad works out of town and is only home once per month and I spend all my time in my room because I can't stand the fact that she wants to be in my face all the time. I want her to get a life, be a 20 yr old, also leave me alone! She wants to know where I'm going? Why am I leaving early? What am I wearing today! I can't stand it! She has to initiative at all, no desire to grow up! It is putting a strain on my marriage, financially and my health! I just want her nasty hind end to go! Also her room is a pigsty and smells like rotten vajj! One more thing I have a little dog and she tries to make the dog not like me and like her, what is up with that? Please advice!
Well, the laziness is that
Well, the laziness is that typical SK sounds like to me.
I have one just like that, does not want to work, does not do housework, just watches t.v or hits the streets.
Talks to people to he just met online and all that good stuff and yes his room smells like pure a*s too. Unfortunately the heavy has to be the bio-parent, if it comes from you it could blow up n your face, you need to talk to your husband about whats bothering you and whats really going on, until you confront him on how your feeling it most likely will not change.
Since she thinks you are her
Since she thinks you are her girlfriend she must like you. Like is not the same as respecting you. I have always had a hard time with my SD with the girlfriend line and her respecting me. I feel like it is your right to talk to her wether you are the bio or step. She is an adult. Is your DH one the same page as you with all of this?
Yes my husband tries to help
Yes my husband tries to help but with him not being here it just goes in one ear and out the other with her, he tells me whatever I need to do he is behind me ...but the last time I tried to enforce the rules she threw her cell phone at me and punched the wall and jacked up her hand. I don't know what to do. I justbwant her to do something, hell I would be happy if she would just do anything. I work nights so I sleep during the cay but it's like she stalks me, if I get up at 4 am there she is hovering over me, she likes to help me pick out what I'm wearing to work etc. It drives me crazy. She smothers me to death, I feel like I'm her only friend plus I have the laziness to deal with. I swear it's just to much sometimes! Imam thankful there is no drug or alcohol use but I am not gonna stay here and take care of her the rest of my life!
She does like me but
She does like me but sometimes I worry she likes me to much or she is to dependant on me or something, hell idk. My husband knows how I feel , he tells me he is behind me 100% but like I said in the other reply when I try to enforce she goes crazy. I have told her and him if she throws things at me again or destroys anything I will have the cops remove her. She respects me in some ways but when it comes to privacy, housework, keeping her room clean, no she does not ! I'm not gonna stay forever and put up with it, me or her is gonna go!
Well first of all the $8k was
Well first of all the $8k was for clothes, prom dress, graduation ring, pictures, prom accessories, etc. not just clothes I should have been more clear. You are right we should not have borrowed the money. She still has plenty left though to go and do whatever. There was a contract that the money was a loan and the repayment was as I said and most of the money has been paid back. I would not even have a problem with her being if here if she would just keep her room, her bathroom clean and let me breath. I just want her to get out and enjoy her life, be a 20 yr old before she wakes up and she my age, living here with her daddy! I will not be here I can promise that! Btw we only took the money as we had no other option, where we lived was not livable anymore. We had a long haul from where we were and I am grateful that she helped us but my point was we have spent more on her than we ever borrowed but we still have paid back what we borrowed and will pay it all back
There is truth in the fact
There is truth in the fact she loaned you the money for the house, but you dont have to take abuse bc of that! You wouldnt take it from your husband and he pays bills too right. She will stay there until she is paid back, but you have every right to enforce rules. Did she know you were serious about calling the police? I don't care how much she gave you if she is a violent person have her removed. What in the world did your DH say about the phone being thrown?
Honestly I'm not sure what he
Honestly I'm not sure what he said to her but when he got off the phone she got on her hands and knees crying and begged me to forgive her.
Tough because she loaned you
Tough because she loaned you money. So here's what you do. You guys are all adults, so yes you do need to pay her back for the loan. But also you are to stop paying her car insurance and her cellphone bill. Also things that she needs like bodywash, razors, etc....she needs to start buying all those things.
Sucks, but yeah you do need to pay her back...it's the responsible thing to do.
^^ Excellent post, and I
^^^^^^^^ THIS! Dad needs to
^^^^^^^^
THIS!
Dad needs to be on board and both of you need to be ready for a battle.
She will blow you off and not take you seriously.
She will get ANGRY and make a big horrible scene to punish you for bringing it up and hope that you back down and not bring it up again because it was such an ugly scene.
If none of that works, she will try to make you (or daddy) feel guilty for doing it. "How can you kick your BABY out onto the streets, I am a GIRL, am I supposed to sleep on a bench and get RAPED?!?" "I have no job, I don't know how to live on my own, what am I supposed to DO?"
The bottom line is that it is not YOUR problem anymore, she has had two YEARS of adulthood to start getting her feet under her and she has CHOSEN not to. If she punches a wall and screws up her hand, SHE can drive to the ER and SHE can set up payment options and head down the road of medical bill debt like every other adult.
NONE OF THIS WILL WORK IF DADDY BACKS DOWN! You may need to sit him down and tell him CLEARLY that it is her or you, if he doesn't have the balls to follow through, you may have to move out and show him you are serious. It is hard fro daddy to seriously consider kicking his baby girl out onto the streets but he may HAVE to, if he loves her enough to force her to grow up, he will, otherwise he is looking at allowing his daughter to never develop the skills needed to live as an independent adult in our society.
Or tell her that you are
Or tell her that you are going to start deducting her rent and bills from the principle you still owe her and add cleaning fees like a real landlord would, until she moves out.
Thank you, your advice has
Thank you, your advice has opened my eyes and I think you are right!