Back Again, BM is making me so *^%$# over it
Now I know I don't have much to complain about compared to some. But tonight I'm so mad I just had to come back on and vent.
My SO has SD5 & SS3 every single weekend, from Friday night to Monday morning. They recently made an arrangement where BM will look after her children one weekend a month in exchange for my SO having them one week every school holidays which by all accounts is more than fair enough.
Now it took a couple of months to implement, she finally had them on the last weekend of school and my SO dutifully had them over the Christmas and New Year period for a week (I will not get started on New Years eve, thats a whole other topic).
Now it is her turn to have them for the weekend. She is predictably kicking up a fuss and flatly refuses to have them. This is particularly irritating this time because I am going away to work and will not see my SO for 6 weeks and was really hoping to have some quality time with just me and him relaxing and enjoying ourselves. ALONE. Which is such a rare thing for us.
I have asked for her number so I can text her myself. My SO will not give it to me, worried that I am going to cause trouble (because of course I'm the one starting all this) instead he would rather me talk to her tomorrow face to face when she drops the skids off (and of course that won't cause any trouble whatsoever - roll eyes here). I am planning on having a good talk to her to find out what is going on.
Any suggestions as to what to bring up? I already have a few ideas but is sometimes good to get input from others. My friend had given me a couple already but would appreciate some from people in the same boat.
I'm so over it. I feel like I've been battling on for 2 years now, I'm tired and don't think I can take much more. I've been hanging in there but everyone has their breaking point and I'm pretty sure I'm only holding on by a few threads which sucks cos I love my SO, just not everything that comes with him.
Yes I have thought about this
Yes I have thought about this and I will put it out there but getting everyone else on board will be the problem, especially MIL.
Don't text or talk to her
Don't text or talk to her about this. Your SO is the problem here not BM. He's allowing her to take advantage of him.
I've stayed out of these
I've stayed out of these situations for 2 years and its getting me nowhere. I'm so mad at BM and SO that I gotta do something before I go nuts. I know she's taking advantage of him and whats worse is he knows too but seems incapable of doing anything about it. Not sure I can handle going out with someone who is still wrapped around his ex's little finger.
You're right, I was hoping to
You're right, I was hoping to magically shame her into having them. I am angry at her but I'm probably more angry at my SO for giving into her.
Why doesn't bm want her own
Why doesn't bm want her own kids? I get why you don't want them over, but why wouldn't a biological mother want her own small children for a few extra days? Esp when she was without them for a full week over Xmas break? Are the really ill behaved? Or is this just a power move?
I know if I had to give my bio kids up every weekend and only got to see them after work/school during the week, is be extatic to get a weekend extra with them.
He needs to handle this. Not
He needs to handle this. Not you. You should have no communication with her. He needs to follow the CO completely. When you vary from it, it is a slippery slope and things seems to get worse and you end up back in court. Stay out of this mess. He has to be the one to handle everything.
Your talking to her is not the way to go...
Agreed. All your talking to
Agreed. All your talking to her would accomplish is giving her the satisfaction of knowing she can get under your skin.
OK well you've all convinced
OK well you've all convinced me not to say anything, I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she can get to me and I can see its not going to make any difference anyway. I don't know why she won't have the kids, they are a handful though. My guess is she's made plans that she doesn't want to change.
Yep...don't be home. Have HIM
Yep...don't be home. Have HIM tell her you will be out of town, whatever, anything, so she knows that your house is not an option this weekend. If she leaves them somewhere else, that's THEIR problem, not yours. What a sorry excuse for a mother, though. Dang.
Well, I agree with your SO -
Well, I agree with your SO - Face to face is so much better than texting. Through text there's a greatly likelihood that she'll be rude with you and start drama. I would just explain to her what the deal is. "Hey, I'm going to be gone for six weeks. I would really, honestly, appreciate it if you could hold up your end of the bargain and take the kids. I want to spend some quality time with my SO before I leave. You understand my position, right?"
I'm sure it'll be really difficult to be civil and not snarky with her... But.. it's worth a try...