Dreading SD coming back today
Forums:
I just need to vent because SD4 comes back to my house tonight (fiancé and I have her every other week for the full week & Thursday is the switch day). It’s soooo frustrating because when she is gone, I am totally happy with my relationship and we have a great time together, but as soon as she comes back it’s like I’m pushed to the side & it’s all about her! Anyone else have this problem and if so, what do you do about it?
I'd talk to your SO... I used
I'd talk to your SO...
I used to feel this way, and talked to DH. He didn't see it the way I did, and we did fight about it, but over time, he "got it"...He started seeing that everything we did revolved around "fun stuff" for SD, and when she wasn't there, we'd be cramming in our lives in order to catch up. It was like the world stopped when she came to visit.
One thing that I think helped me along with constantly talking to DH, was that I also disengaged and started doing stuff on my own away from them. DH started really missing me, so that helped him "get it". When I'd talk to DH, I'd do or say stuff that made it obvious that he was casting me to the side. I'd say, "I'm planning to cook x,y,z for dinner", and he'd say, "Oh I was taking SD to Chuck E. Cheese for a treat"...and I'd say...Oh...okay...you did that LAST time...But that's cool...I'm still cooking...So enjoy yourselves..." He'd say something like, "You don't want to go too?" Me: "Umm...NO...Not interesting in the least...I can deal with it once every blue moon, but not ever time she comes over...IMO, she needs to know and experience normal life over here..."
Exactly what I say to my
Exactly what I say to my fiancé! When SD comes over, it should not be like a vacation, especially being that she is there 50% of the time; that’s a lot! She should have a normal life at our house, not have the world stop when she walks through the door. Makes me sick! My fiancé and I actually went to our first counseling session last week and are going again next week because of the guilty daddy issues. Of course he thinks I’m the one with the issues but I’m sure you know how that is!
Geez I know what you mean
Geez I know what you mean SD12 comes home on Monday's
SO has gotten better about making it all about her when she is home but it is a long way from good.
The best way I've found to
The best way I've found to handle it is to calmly state your case along the way, sort of like what shielded is saying. And do things on your own. What doesn't work is blowing up or getting angry. It sucks when dads do this, but it's very common.