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Detaching is hard...but I'm really doing it this time!

time2live's picture

Submitted by time2live on Tue, 12/20/2011 - 6:45pm

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Blended Family Issues

I am officially giving up, releasing my skids to their own destinies and while I want the best for them, me wanting it is not enough...someone else has to want it besides me. They will likely have the cards stacked against them, and I tried to give them a fair shot at the world, but I am not taking this on anymore. They can be wild, deceptive, inconsiderate, overly dependent, academically challenged, emotionally immature for their age, disobedient, lazy, hyperactive, irresponsible and severely underexposed to everything they need to be well-rounded, responsible, productive, intelligent adults. And I have to live with that. I have to watch that happen. I have to let that happen. And I have to be ok. I will be ok. I will be ok. I will be ok.

dalhia's picture

Submitted by dalhia on Tue, 12/20/2011 - 7:13pm

darling, dont lie to yourself :)...you know it will be a nightmare. i said the same wise words to myself 4 months ago, and although they ARE wise, and i m doing the same you are doing for the same reasons it will take daily work, lots of ups and downs and a reasonable amount of wine Smile
im also telling myself that it will be OK but the reality tells me otherwise..funny...that word other"wise".
hugs to you and sorry to give you a down comment on your great resolutions but im not in a good "detaching" day today. read my last post..right before this one and you'll see.
hugs to you, my friend!

time2live's picture

Submitted by time2live on Tue, 12/20/2011 - 7:25pm

you are hilarious. yes, it's going to be a nightmare! what am i doing here? what have i gotten my little ole self into. boy oh boy. i mean i honestly can't figure out which is harder? rolling up my sleeves trying to make things work, or this whole letting go and pretending not to care. i guess it's not that you don't care, but that you aren't responsible so you don't have to do anything. i feel so responsible even though i'm not. so how do i stop feeling responsible?
blaaachgh...

dalhia's picture

Submitted by dalhia on Wed, 12/21/2011 - 1:36pm

how many times did you bite your tongue yesterday? how many times you felt you wanted to answer back to the skids? how many times did you have to remove yourself from the room in order to not shout at them...or pick up after them?
how is it going? i can tell you my disengaging stories, if you tell me yours? Smile
big hugs
Dalhia

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Wed, 12/21/2011 - 4:20pm

I actually made up my mind yesterday that I was going to disengage so when I got home from work, I didn't say 1 word to SD. I made dinner, and the first thing out of her mouth (she is 4) was "why do you guys always have nasty stuff for dinner?"

This is going to be a loooong road..

Best of luck to you!

Dannee's picture

Submitted by Dannee on Fri, 12/23/2011 - 9:57am

There is one thing to detach yourself when you don't have any control..

I have detached myself with my skids education (not that I wanted to..I tried for 4 1/2 years)
but when Dad and "mom" don't try to improve a situation and you are the only one
that really gives a shit...You ...I....had to let go and focus on my own child.

Now to disengage when the skids are disrespectful..

I would NEVER do...I am worth more than that...

It would be very helpful if Dad was on your side as well..

Like Christenen above me...I would never allow a 4 year old nor a 14 year old speak to me
in a manner that is not exceptable in my home..

Allowing that type of disrespect opens the door for future disrespect and besides..
You would not allow your own to treat you that way..

There are things that we need to remain strong in...and for me RESPECT is #1..