Husband picks apart my biodaughter and thinks his daughter is perfect
When my husband and I met 3 years ago, we each had a daughter that we brought to the relationship. They were (and still are) very young at the time of us meeting. My bio daughter is now 3 1/2 years old, and my SD is almost 6. We also recently had a baby girl together who is three months old.
The problem is that I feel like my husband only sees the flaws in my bio daughter, and thinks that his bio daughter can do no wrong. For instance, his daughter has always been the older one and is terrible at sharing. Everything is "mine, mine, mine." I tried to address it with her from the getgo and he always would defend her saying, "Well it is hers, she needs to feel like she has her own stuff." Ok, fine. Well now fast forward to two years later and my daughter is doing the same thing now because she has grown up seeing that behavior and all of a sudden husband says "This not sharing behavior needs to be addressed, and he harps on my BD everytime she says 'mine.'" Completely frustrating. This is just one example in a series of many.
Today we had a huge blow up because he found fingerprints on the new flat-screen tv and "knew" it had to have been from my BD. He said "I'm going to have a stern talk with her when I see her next." How did he know it wasn't his perfect angel, I asked. And his response was that she doesn't do stuff like that. Oh really? A 5 year old is soooooo mature that they would never ever do such a thing.
I am so damn frustrated with this whole thing. He thinks his daughter can do no wrong and is constantly picking apart my little one. He always says its because my BD is "younger" and gets into more stuff, BUT his daughter was the same age mine is when we first met and he NEVER picked on her so much.
Sometimes it makes me want to run for the damn hills 
Oh honey, I can totally
Oh honey, I can totally relate to you. I have the same issue with my husband. His BD is 8 and mine is 4. I also have another bD that is 9 and a SS10. It is funny, because he thinks the 8 year old should have the same priveliges as the older ones, but no the responsibility. When it comes to responsibility, he expects more out of my 4 year old!!
All I can suggest is this..document every instance where you think this is happening, document it in detail. Over a week, put it in front of him. That was a huge eye opener for my husband when I did this. I had dates, times and instances and he realized just how unfair he was being when he saw it all written on paper. Hope this helps!
Oooh I really like that idea,
Oooh I really like that idea, although I'm already pressed for time, but if it might make a difference I'm willing to try.
I can relate too. My SO has
I can relate too. My SO has 2 kids-who are 8 & 11. We have 2 kids together who are 2 & 4...he ALWAYS is a lot harder on the younger two, and expects more out of them (which makes NO sense, IMO it should be the other way around, seeing that they are much older). I like the idea above-keep a list of all the things he does and maybe that will open his eyes. My SO has gotten a little bit better about it lately, but not much. Drives me crazy!
Hand raised here for another
Hand raised here for another poster who can relate.
Here's the age of my/his kids: DS21, SD18, SS17. [SD18 has a baby who is about 18 months old now.]
Just a few months ago, my DH tried to equate the lousy parenting PB did of SD (she was an unwed mother at the grand old age of 16 - just like her skanky BM) to ME being a bad parent of MY DS21!!
Why? You might ask this. Is my son a young unwed father? No. Did he flunk out of school. No, he never got anything worse than a C, mostly As and Bs. Did he get in trouble with the police? Never, besides a few too many speeding tickets! Partying? Drugs? Not at all. I've heard a friend of his complain that they didn't know what they would do for his 21st bday because he didn't drink!
What else could make my hubby compare my parenting to PB's?? Because I allowed my son to go to high school with his hair dyed blue when he was going through his punk rock phase. :O
Oh yeah, GG said that this
Oh yeah, GG said that this felonious out-of-control raised by a nutsy BM that he knows 15 year old who was suspended for doing drugs, stealing and beating up other kids at school was THE SAME as my oldest daughter, 29 who was a homemaker!!!!! Because she is "working the system" by staying at home when her husband goes out to work. That is the same as being a criminal teenager in GG's eyes!!
Wow, talk about a huge stretch and giant leap!!
But he knows that HIS daughter is going to have a police record so he's starting to defend that behaviour in advance.
He also called my son a "weenie" and "dork" b/c he was into track and field and chess in school and their was no football team in our school district!!!!!
He actually proud that his oldest 15 yr old son got suspended for fighting!!!
Hand up! Although my
Hand up! Although my children are OLDER (grown) than his 15, 13 and stb 9 who are all PASed out.
He always tries to FIND some ulterior motive with what my GROWN children who cause him NO issues at all. My oldest daughter never calls the house; she chats with me over FB (which GG, biodad I live with, resents)
My kids made all wonderful grades in school whereas his are dismal failures, failing, I kid you not, 45 points below the failing grade (his middle and the biggest problem child SD 13)
He thinks he has three ANGELS. They were horrifically behaved at my house and he thought it was funny that they showed me zero respect.
If i said one thing about his kids poor grades, he'd snap back with "well your kids aren't out curing cancer" or "you're not a perfect parent"
The excuses were endless
You need to step on your
You need to step on your husband. My DH says that I turn into a werewolf when my kids are threatened, complete w/ fangs and hand hair! lol You need to find YOUR inner werewolf. He "harps" on her? He's going to give a 3 yo a "stern talking to"? If I were you I'd be on his ass like a cheap suit. What also concerns me is this-does he have any paternal feeling toward your DD? He's been in her life since she was 6mo, correct? This is going to damage her, you need to fix this, Mom.
Well thank you everyone for
Well thank you everyone for your responses. Want to hear something funny? Two days after our little argument about him saying "My 5 year old wouldn't touch the tv" GUESS FREAKING WHAT? He caught her touching the thing THREE TIMES! Hahaha. You know I had to rub that in his face. He is so ridiculous that he thinks she can do no wrong. Even when I pointed it out that she could very well have been the one to leave the "mystery prints" he still defended her saying he didn't think it was her. Annoying.
But it sucks that it has come to this. I don't want to sit there pointing out his daughter's flaws just so he recognize's that she has some, and its not just my daughter who "gets into stuff." They're both curious, fun-loving preschoolers for pete's sakes. Neither of them is a grown adult, and IMO neither of them is better than the other. It is so entirely frustrating. I hope that this is not the rest of our life...