BM asking for Skype during holidays - help!
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BM asked SO if he would have Skype available during our vacation. We're going to my parents' in another state from Wednesday-Sunday for Thanksgiving, and they have never met SD5. I am so pissed off at the concept of us interrupting our holiday so that can butt in on Skype wherever we are on the iPhone. What should I do???
And reading over my reply, I
And reading over my reply, I realize that I should really discuss with SO my expectations for scheduling a time to meet up on Skype, instead of putting everything just on BM...
I guess that what bothers me
I guess that what bothers me so much about it is the unpredictability of when BM will ask for SD's time. If there was a time set aside it's be one thing, but just not knowing when SO will rush out with SD to talk to BM over Skype is unsettling... like, what if we're spending quality time with my family? BM is not a very reasonable woman; she sends SD to our house with BM's dirty shirts so that she can "smell Momma while she sleeps".
You're totally right. He
You're totally right. He lacks any backbone with her, which is the REAL issue, here. Thanks for the insight, everyone!
This child is only 5, she may
This child is only 5, she may actually want to talk to her mother. This should be about the child not about you or the BM. I don't see why your SO cannot just say okay to this request and at a time he deems suitable to all, perhaps just before the child goes to bed take the iphone and skype mum to say goodnight. If my child was going interstate I would be concerned and if skype had been around for me I would have asked if the kids could skype me. How would you feel if this was your 5 year old going off with daddy and his new partner to another state to stay with the SO's partner. Would you not feel better if she skyped you goodnight. Anyway as I said at the end of the day, it should be the childs needs that come first and skyping mum to say goodnight might just make her feel more settled and secure. I don't think it's such a big deal really.
Calling is fine. Skyping is
Calling is fine. Skyping is fine. Not setting up a time and never knowing when we might all have to stop for that is what I take issue with, which I now realize is more a problem with SO than BM.
Whoaaaaa, no, no, NO. She
Whoaaaaa, no, no, NO. She talks to her mom every day on the phone, I have NO PROBLEMS with this. I have a problem with interrupting what everyone's doing for a lengthy SKYPE session, specifically, during our vacation.
A phone call is altogether
A phone call is altogether completely different from Skype, though, and it sounds like everyone here thinks that I'm sour about her talking to her mother at all, which is NOT the case, here.
Yes, THIS is exactly my issue
Yes, THIS is exactly my issue with it. I'm afraid that I misrepresented myself and ended up sounding like a heartless witch!
This does happen at our
This does happen at our house, too. :/
I'm missing something here?
I'm missing something here? How is a phone call much different than skype?
Why is it such a big deal to tell BM that she can contact her dd at such and such a time for 5/10 mins? It doesn't need to impinge on you at all - Dad and dd can just go in another room for a couple of minutes. Not unreasonable.
Phone calls happen daily.
Phone calls happen daily. They can happen any time, anywhere. Maybe we're doing Skype wrong, but it's never a five minute event. It's, let me show you all these things I've colored/bought/made/done in the past x days since I've seen you, now you show me your new glasses and let's watch a TV show together.
So you need to address this
So you need to address this with Dad and make a plan - what time and for how long and a gentle "We're very busy, we have to go now, we'll skype mommy again tomorrow" from Daddy when the time is up.
If Dad won't agree to limits, then it needs to be a phonecall instead of skype.
Thanks, Holly. I think I'll
Thanks, Holly. I think I'll tell him that! I appreciate the help.
Thanks, Holly. I think I'll
Thanks, Holly. I think I'll tell him that! I appreciate the help.
You're totally right. Thanks
You're totally right. Thanks for helping me see that he can be part of the problem as well.
ripley, this is a BRILLIANT
ripley, this is a BRILLIANT suggestion, thank you so much!!! I'm definitely telling SO right now!
I wish my ex would assist my
I wish my ex would assist my 18YO son to skype me....or at least remind him to do that....but he is playing the PAS thing with that new dog he is married to and my son told me that he needs a place to live in Australia while im here so he comply's to their odd ways....
I would be telling you DH to keep the skype thing off until an appropriate time....as riply suggests above....
Cos your little girl is only 5 she wont know how to use it....(see above re my boy of 18 pretending he dont know how to use it)
It is an interruption....especially if you can hear the BM's voice throughout your mom and dads house...or worse still, see the thing!...
So, make sure you remind BM that its your parents house and they are hosting and therefore times have to be somewhat flexible to fit in with your parents...should you have any issues with the 10am you can text....I would be suggesting a skype time just before the little girl goes to bed, so she can talk about her day to her mom from the privacy of her bedroom....
that way the adults are more than likely doing their thing at that time, and the sight of her mom cld help her go to sleep and feel good.
I am very strict re cell phones - they shouldnt be answered or used during meals, or whilst your having face to face discussions....
We had the same here Andimac,
We had the same here Andimac, she would be calling and txting....'turn the tv on channell such n such and watch something that she wanted the skids to watch' regardless of what we may have been watching....it was as if she was in the house with us she called so much.....I felt the woman was only doing it to piss me off, and to push her point of view even when she aint here....
She would even ask the skids to txt her throughout the day, to inform her what we were doing, cooking for them, places we were taking them.....etc...amazing how these BMs can get into these skids brains but wots worse is the way they are being taught bad manners and values....
I think its up to Daysleeper to reinstate decent values and respect to this liitle girl - especially if the BM is anything like the nutter we have....teach the little girl some manners and how to use a cell/communicating technology etc....and thats what this post seems to be about.
you know one time we were all
you know one time we were all out....dh, skids, me and my bio kids....when the fn bm rang the ss13 who then yells out 'dad what time are we leaving cos mom wants to know'?
Dh yells back, 'when we're ready'!
after the ss got off the phone I asked him if all was ok...and is there something he needs to do for his mom.....and he said...'no just dumb arse dad doesnt want to do anything that my mom wants....mom wants me to go home cos she wants to pick me and my brother up and take us bowling' talk about a PAS technique.
oh and we were paying for them skids cell phones....
Well change it yourself to EX
Well change it yourself to EX SLAG....or Whore head....my DH changed his to read 'witch' on his cell....
oh and get the phone out of the bedroom.....our BM decided she had every right to call us anytime of the day and night....she used to get great pleasure in calling us at 7am weekends/weekdays when ever...and if my DH tried to ask her to call back she wouldnt listen...she was crazy and would keep calling calling calling...in the end we would have to disconnect and turn off phone....
You are both so spot on!
You are both so spot on!
AndiMac, BM does this too and
AndiMac, BM does this too and it makes me SO. MAD. We can't take SD to a festival or out to do ANYTHING special on OUR eow without BM getting photos of it, sending photos of something she bought on our eow, etc. It's maddening.
talk to your attorney about
talk to your attorney about it...if its to the extent of what we had, you can sue her for being a nuscense....not that we did...I was wanting to sue her for assult! But he said no...its just a nuscence tort and you will need some evidence to prove it....which is hard to get...
I think that some BM's do not know any better...they havnt been brought up in the right way to start with and really couldnt care less wot they do or who they upset bc wot they were taught in their lives...was this is the way to act and treat people.
Basically at the end of the day....our DH's forgot to wear a condom while having sex with some horror head who was born and brought up on the wrong side of town....his issue; not ours...WE WOULDNT HAVE BEEN SO STUPID!
I definitely will... you and
I definitely will... you and AndiMac are two of my favorite people right now, hahaha! BM has no concept of boundaries and SO is too afraid of losing his kid that he allows any and all inappropriate intrusion from BM.
i said to my DH that the BM
i said to my DH that the BM and skids work together against us - they are one team and we are on the other...and a way in which they win would be to break our team up....and boy are they trying....honestly the skids are recruited like uganda child soldiers in the BM's hate regime against me and my kids....my DH has FINALLY taken my side completly...but it took a while...he now sees his kids as being brainwashed by the witch and that the stuff they say to him has come straight from the ex slags mouth word for word....
She must have told them that they will get more toys/money out of their useless father [her words] if they do as she says....the horrobile mole...
See that is where I would
See that is where I would tell dh that he needs to have them call back later when we get home and NOT at the dinner table! Or even at the families house or what ever 'fun' we are having. He can have the skids call right before bed or something like that. A set time and be done with it.
If dh didn't want to won't I would tell him ok then apparently I don't mean anything to you and will find someone is I do mean that much to if not more and I would deff. be outta there! Been there done that. My dh knows when I say something I do it! That is so wrong on so many levels.
However to the op IO think that your dh can have a set time for the kids to skype with bm perhaps that night when you guys get back and the kids can tell bm all about their day instead of a break in the middle then she won't get everything. Go from that angle to your dh. Say 'dh how about we set the time for the kids to skype bm at the end of the day say right after their bath so they can tell bm everything that happened that day so bm won;t miss anything.'
Thanks Mate....Most of us are
Thanks Mate....Most of us are well aware of reasonable boundaries...but some BIO parents are unreasonable and some Exes are more than happy to step over them boundaries bc they wanna piss their ex and the exes new wife off, or/and they have unsettled grievances or are just plain nutters....
Your man is probably so used to this unreasonable behaviour and suggestions from the BM that he has now seen it as being reasonable and normal...but only you [who is seeing it from outside the box] knows when its not right....it sort of like a child who is yelled at all the time...after a while, they get used to being spoken to at that loud level and if you talk softly to them they dont listen or hear you qat all.
Can I just say, that if its that extreme and inappropriate then I think its up to us to show and explain the right behaviours to our DH/SO and this includes their kids....sometimes I think that I am the skids last chance or teaching them wots normal...and it sounds like you are too; daysleeper