Well, I have to be honest here with you You have some advantage here but you dont see it. There is SOOOO much I could touch base with you on this subjuct but I am just going to do a rough draft
Ok, first off BF IS a package deal and you been around his son since he was 3 and now he is 7, and BM hates you, and you dont really like the kid and your upset you do not have one of your own with BF, Let me tell you what I wouldn't give to have my step children be 7(lol) irregaurdless of the way BM may be( cause the one I have had to deal with over 6 years has been far from a prize),At 7 years old he VERY impressionable, You being with his father you take on the role of acting as a mother figure. Sure 7 year old kids can be a handful but what you wrote about him sounds like the typical 7 year old kid, If he does not know manners its not his fault..his father should correct him and teach him while he is there..These things are a LEARNED behavior ! As for him being over weight you can help him by bringing in healthy stuff to snack on..that ALSO is a learned habit but like all 7 year old kids they ALL want junk food its typical, but..it can be monitored and controlled WHEN at your home. He is only 7 and you and dad should be the positive enforcers. As him disrespecting you BD needs to back you and tell him his language will not be tolerated and think of a appropriate punishment for a 7 year old. As for BM, she may not like you but if you plan on being with his father you will just have to except that and do the BEST you can to make a life long lasting impression on him, because when he is older he WILL REMEMBER how you treated and handled him( things do come back on us for how we handle situations and people).
As for his speech issue, thats really not his fault..I am guessing he is in speech class or something, you need to be more encourageing with that by having him read a book to you or dad on visits, even a few pages is progress.. My son was in speech classes so I do know how frustrating it is for a young person trying to learn speech, to this day he STILL struggles as a young adult to read...so this is VERY serious and will and can effect his selfesteem. As for you not having a baby....I think if you love your BF you will open your heart to love what is part of him and that is his son...this learning exsperience will teach you and better prepare you for it if that moment should ever happen again. I dont know how old you are..but I can tell you from being a BM of one kid to being with a man of 5 kids it has taught me alot, and it is because I love the man and when I look at his kids I see him more then I see BM...but even that does not bother me, To be honest she may be a nutt but there was a time she was a beautiful women and they both have some beautiful children. I never was able to have children with him...so I embraced what was there..EVEN tho..BM hates my gutts.. I NEVER EVER gave up being the kind of person I needed to be or let that hate and jealousey ruin what is opportunity. Now, his kids dont like me because of BM..BUT...the beautiful thing is they can NEVER say I treated them bad and wasn't there for them irregaurdless of how they feel about me or even what they dont feel. This is my advice...I hope it helps you and I hope you can bond with your SS NOW while he is young, and you learn patience and grace and realize that kids are the closest thing to heaven..even tho they can be a pain lol Good luck

I don't even know what to say..I think you need counseling as I only see this getting worse. You said the most unkind things about that child as if he can do anything about it. If I was the child's mother and knew how you felt I would not let you anywhere near my child. I can't understand the level of jealousy and anger you feel toward a 7 year old. It is obvious you are not a mother or you would already know at that age they are annoying, can be disrespectful and only want junk food. OMG... what a joy you are missing out on being so ANGRY....This child could fill the missing place in your heart until your child one day does come along. Stop being foolish, grow up and be kind as this is what you are supposed to be as a human.

Hey Mindy and Stirred,

Nice job tag-teaming on this lady. You do realize that this is vent site, right?

I agree that she is a little far down the "angst" spectrum, but she is complaining about common issues here: disobedience, eating habits, developmental issues, etc. You know who I would lay those issues on? That's right, bio-dad. It sounds like the classic "head-in-the sand" guilt-daddy. The OP could probably benefit from a better attitude, but the main problem I see here is a bio-dad who won't lay any ground rules, and who does not want to take an active role in parenting his own child. How many times have we heard that one on here?

Paul_in_utah OOOhh so many lmao ! Its true...very true..and I keep in mind its a venting site but..I try to be honest and fair as I would hope the other users on here would be for me( and they have been). I know little kds can be a handful..but Ill take a little kid any day over some of the adult SK. Sounds like also the boy may be bored too. I think a good way for her to bond and over come losen her pregnencie is to set up activitys with him...like the park,,go to the zoo..chucky cheese...the roller rink, he needs to burn energy..all little kids do ware him out in fun is what I say, and if they planed activities and he knows about it they can use that also as a goal to have better behavior, earn those little outtings and trips, he needs some goals..something to look forward to I wish my son and SK were 7

Christechurch, I was not trying to say your a bad parent..never once did I say that, and I am sorry if thats the impression you felt I gave you. My advice was ONLY to help you. I know BM has alot of impact,and I am sure he hears things..but I want to encourage NOT to give up..anything is possible and you can still make a difference in him and your own personal relationship with him. Even tho he lives with BM you can out win the bad by doing the good in your home and time with him, its ok to vent...thats why were all here believe me, I am on here for a reason too. I do apologze if I offended you but I hope you find some decent advice that I left for you. Good luck

Christiechurch..OH HOW WRONG YOU ARE!!! I DID READ EVERYTHING and I was as real and honest with you as I could be because your situation with BM WAS MY LIFE like many other ppl on here. Let me tell you, I went to school to do nails and did SD nails BM called and b*tched out of jealousey, I did SD hair fixen it up because BM didnt and she threw a fit of jealousey on that.. NOT MATTER what I did she DID NOT like me around her kids...I have lived and STILL do. The only differnce is I handle it better and ALWAYS put my best foot forward no matter HOW complicated she likes to make it..I dont and will not let that immature crap phase me. I was NOT downing you, and having raised a son of my own and being 5 SK that are in and out from playng bothsides of their parents I think Im pretty well into the experience part here, I was NOT disrespecting you, by no means are any of us perfect...we all are learning HOW to deal with SK and family issues thats WHY we are here..and as for dealing with BM...live your life and do the best you can with their 7yr old..its ALL you CAN do, you let her get to you through him SHE WINS! sometimes you just got to be the bigger person, and the better you learn to handle her bullcrap and she sees it is not breaking you the more she will feel like she does not have control...thats my sound advice..and thats a HUGE part of what I do understand

Christiechruch-
Please don't feel bad. You went a bit far over the line, true, but we have *ALL* been to the point where were are fed UP!
There is always support for those who ask. I hope you can find that support here Chin up.

Between his weight and his speech issues it sounds like your step son has self confidence issues which will only get worse if he feels all of your negativity and that of those around him. He probably gets enough crap from his peers at school. Please try to be patient with him and bolster his confidence. You never know who he's going to be when he grows up. That fat little kid who talks like a 3 year old girl might just end up running the country some day and wouldn't it be awesome if you got to say you were a part of that?

Christie, you are far from the worst person on earth. We ALL come on here to "bitch" about shitty things our sbrats do, have done, and will do again! I've got two sd's, thank your lucky stars you've only got one little boy to contend with. I often wonder how different it would be if dh's girls were boys.
I felt like the devil himself before I found this site, and discovered I AM NOT ALONE, and nethier are you! Your feelings are normal. And expecting you to love this child, like your own is stupid. Could you love the kid three houses down like your own? No. You fell in love with his dad, not him. I'm not saying be cruel, kill him with kindness. Just don't expect these feelings of unconditional love to bubble up one day, they might not ever.
When dh and I tell people about our collective skids, he always says "I love her kids like their my own, and she loves mine the same" because I love the man more than anything, I would never break his heart and tell him otherwise. But, everytime sd8 hugs me and says "love you sm" I wanna puke, but, I force a hug and a "Love you too". Because, KIDS ARE TEMPORARY! They grow up and,(please lord) move away. Keep your chin up, and if bd won't teach the kid manners, take charge! Only buy healthy snacks. Let him know, different house, different rules. What bm let's him eat and say, doesn't fly at your and daddy's house. If he's rude and gross at the dinner table, take his plate away, and tell him its will be returned IF he can use good table manners. If he wants to keep being gross, send him to bed without finishing his meal. I promise next time he'll think about it. One night with a half eaten dinner won't kill the kid. When he asks for a snack, have fresh fruit and veggies on hand for him. If he doesn't eat it, no snack! He might suprise you and eat every bit of it! Mine are always shocking me! Good Luck, and just remember, you are not alone in this.

Christie,

I can understand, very well, the sensations you are having about the BM. My boyfriend's BM has, after a year and a half, only verbally said my name a grand total of 3 times and only 2 of those were in my presence. Even when she was questioning me in court during the custody hearing (she was acting as her own lawyer since she couldn't afford one) she would close her eyes any time she turned her face to me so that she couldn't see me. Any time the child acts happy to see me, gives me a hug or anything of that nature she gets tense and frowns at him to the point that now, he's reluctant to greet me or give me a hug in front of her, but she doesn't realize the damage she is doing.

I do wonder if some of your disgust about the child could be branching from your disgust of the mother? Just my personal wonder, only you can answer that. I do think reading "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin might be something to help you deal with some of these emotions. And if you can, seek out some counseling for no other reason than it will give you a place to vent with someone who can maybe help you find some ways to cope better and even change your outlook a bit.

As far as what you've said about the child himself, I feel sorry for him. He has a mother that is obviously not keeping him active, interacting with him on a good level, and is placating him with food. I doubt she even realizes what she is doing to him. If the child isn't in some sort of speech therapy, get your boyfriend to start talking to his son's school about that. The longer he goes without proper intervention, the harder it will be on him. When the child is with you, get your boyfriend to do things with his son like take him to the park and throw a ball around. Get the kid active, and whats more, gives you a break from him from time to time so you can breathe.

My boyfriend's son, when I first met him, was so far behind on so many things. The fact that my BF ended up having to be the primary parent shortly after we started dating was a blessing in disguise for his son. At 13 months this child could barely stand, was still relying so much on a pacifier that he only spoke about 3 words and they were garbled, and could barely crawl. Why? His "stay at home" mom's way of caring for him was put him on the futon, surrounded by cushions to keep him from falling off, put him in the walker, put him in the swing, or put him in the high chair and always in front of a TV. He has since caught up, namely because my BF and I got him off the pacifier, I used to chase him around the house on my hands and knees, and I always would sit down on the floor with him to talk to him about anything and every thing.

Neglectful parenting is a horrific thing. Your boyfriend needs to be the child's advocate now. He also needs to stop expecting you to become "insta-mommy."

I think that's what we all have to remember, this is a place to vent - right or wrong, mean or not, what helps everyone on here is knowing they can speak their mind and not get judged or criticized by it. Everyone on here knows that there are things that go through your mind sometimes that you would NEVER say aloud in a million years, but sometimes it helps just to get it off your chest - even if you don't really mean it - and sometimes while your blood pressure is still elevated because one of your sks just did something that drove you crazy, you tend to spout off!