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Parent Teacher conferences

iqrt's picture

Submitted by iqrt on Tue, 11/15/2011 - 10:54pm

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Parenting Issues

We have SD(5) every other weekend and a couple nights a week. I don't know what she does in school. BM never sends her over with homework or tells us how she is doing or what she is learning. She has been having behavior problems and she's been sent home from school for jumping on the bus seats, cutting other kids' hair, and generally having an attitude problem. When I ask her what she learns in school she just says she eats snack and nothing else. I ask her if she's learning to read or write all of her letters, she says no, she just has snack.

P/T conferences are coming up and we have a joint slot with BM and step dad. (yay?)
I don't particularly care for either of them. They are being civil right now, but BM accused her dad of molesting her earlier this year (he was cleared by CPS, and apparently it's totally okay to coach your children into saying such things), and step dad has put out death threats against dad on facebook. So, there's kind of a lack of trust and I don't really want to be in the same room with them.

My SO really wants me to go and says I need to be more supportive of SD, and be a real mom to her. I kind of feel like this is a bio parent thing especially since we really don't have anything to do with her education at this point. BM won't even allow us to be emergency contacts for her at the school, or to pick her up from school or anything.

Am I supposed to go to these things as step mom? not even legal step mom? SO and I are not married, though we've been together for 3 years.

iqrt's picture

Submitted by iqrt on Tue, 11/15/2011 - 11:06pm

Thank you.

I'm totally happy to have him report back and let me know what we can do to help her behave better at school, and/or learn at our house. But I really, really do not want to be stuck in the same room with that woman for 30 minutes. Ever.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 12:04am

I also think that your boyfriend needs to back off from telling you to get more involved and be more of a mom to her; you will only end up resenting her more. I don't think you should go.

icecubenow's picture

Submitted by icecubenow on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 12:33am

The only way your boyfriend can be denied access to his child at school is for a court order to be in place. Otherwise, he can call the school and add himself to the pick-up list and add his own contact information.

I would agree with Echo and StepfamilyFriend...stay OUT of it. Let the parents handle anything and everything to do with school. Better yet, contact the teacher and request a different conference all together. No reason to have one conference with divorced parents. He has the right to request his own time slot.

my.kids.mom's picture

Submitted by my.kids.mom on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 7:51am

icecubenow is correct on all counts. Dad needs to make himself visible at the school. My bf has just dealt with this. He found out that he was not on the emergency contact list, and there was an alert that he could not pick up the kids from school as if he was a criminal or something. He had that changed. He also had his own conferences with all 3 teachers. iqrt, your SO needs to get out of the "visiting dad" mentality where he has been pushed into feeling he has no rights with his child. This is common, and unfortunate, because there are a LOT of bm's making poor decisions for kids because the bd is nowhere involved. He needs to enforce his rights as her father and step in to make sure she is being disciplined appropriately and given a fair chance with input from them both.

ms.blessed.n.distressed's picture

Submitted by ms.blessed.n.di... on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 1:33am

I think u should go for one reason, as a support system for your FH. BM has accused him of something horrible and her DH threatened his life... Don't you think you should be there for him emotionally? I would feel so alone, betrayed and like my SO didn't care about me if I had to face ppl like that alone. He probably said those things about SD to get you to go bc he is to prideful to tell you he doesn't want to face those ppl alone.. I would be there for my DH esp in a situation like that. I've never been to a parent teacher conference before and I've been with DH for 5yrs but if he asked I wouldnt go unless I knew he needed me there for emotional support. Btw BM is bringing her husband so she made it an open invitation for you. Think about your FH and put your feelings aside. This is going to be a lot harder on him than it will be on you but it won't be near as hard on him knowing he has you, someone who loves, cares for him and has his back.