Thank you! I am getting the book tonight!

The only thing these biodads should feel guilty about is the fact that they didn't wear a condom. = Best quote ever!

The blank stare is when he doesn't get his way. For example, he will ask to go outside in freezing weather without his shoes on. I will respond by telling him that we can definitely go outside, but he has to have a coat and shoes on. Instead of putting on the appropriate attire, he will sit in the floor and stare at the wall for up to an hour. He doesn't have speech issues, he talks like a baby only when referring to his mother...not a clue as to why. He has zero interest in toys. I thought it was because we didn't have enough toys at our house, I took him to pick out toys that interested him, we got them home and he still wasn't interested. I will say that the only thing that does seem to perk his interest is helping me with day to day chores...for him, that's playing. He is a daycare child and he has two half siblings and three step-siblings. I have taken him to friend's houses and he doesn't play with their kids, he just stares at them. He seems to prefer adults to children his own age. My theory is that he doesn't interact with his siblings. I honestly believe that his evenings and weekends at this mother's house consist of her toting him around like he's a baby instead of allowing him to be a child.

I'm a little confused as to why you are even on this site. However, yes, that kind of talk is gross and for that I apologize. Like I stated, I was venting, ranting, whatever.

As far as fantasizing...it's just that, a fantasy. I have never, nor would I ever lay a finger on this child. I have never even uttered an unkind word to him.

Thank you for recommending counseling. You are too kind! I would also like to recommend that you get some counseling yourself...not sure why you are even looking at these posts.

Take care!

You are right. He doesn't do anything that terrible, he truly doesn't. I do realize that things could be much worse. The things I think he could use a little discipline for are the rolling of the eyes, not doing what he is told to do, hitting our cat with a curtain rod on purpose, ect. ect. Just the typical things I would discipline my own child for. I guess if I were to be completely honest with myself, I would have to say that my anger "should be/is" more directed towards my husband. I just don't think that these things should be ignored just because we rarely see him and DH wants our house to be Disney Land. I see the bigger picture, if he doesn't have structure now...what does the future hold??
I will say that my original post was just pure anger. I know with all my being that none of this is the childs fault. It's not his fault that his mother has six kids to take care of so he gets shoved to the side. It's not his fault that his father wants to be "happy dad" instead of just "dad." My frustrations stem from the fact that I don't want him to be just another statistic. I want him to be the best he can be. I also don't feel that I should be the one to ensure that. Does that make sense?

Just because

I never said you didn't belong here. I even apologized for my offensive language. What I meant was, if I had already explained that I was "venting" in my original post, why did you feel the need to attack me? AND, come back to give your "last word." Just seemed kind of silly to me, that's all. Then again, maybe you are one of the precious few that never has a bad day. Do you work? I do. I deal with lenders and attorneys on a daily basis, and let me tell you, they are not always the most pleasant people to deal with. However, it is my job to keep control of the situation, make them happy and to never lose my cool. I have been in this position for twelve years. I also have my own gym in the house due to my job. I love my job, and most days I walk out feeling like a million bucks. Other days, I have to get in the gym, punch the punching bag and run like hell for two hours. It's a release. It's how I get my agressions and frustrations out. That's what "this" was intended to be...venting. Saying things you would never say out loud because they are mean and hurtful. So, you say them in an attempt to find someone that understands or has had the same feelings before...someone you can relate to so that you don't feel so alone. Someone that will tell you everything worked out in the end or give guidance as to how to make things better.
Just a suggestion, take it for what it's worth, maybe instead of (cause I doubt I'm the only one) automatically attacking someone, you should make an attempt to see where they are coming from first. With more information, you just may have a different outlook later on. Just saying.

Thank you for that! No, I didn't come here to be judged. Yes, I agree that my original post could have been worded with a bit more class. I am not a hateful or horrible person, that I assume I originally portrayed myself to be. I was very frustrated at the time and considering the website and prior posts I had read, I "thought" it was okay to let loose. I was wrong in that assumption. I have never directed my frustrations at my stepson. When it comes down to it, when we have him, I am the person he prefers to be around...which totally baffles me. However, I also do not tolerate his behaviour when he is with me. What I mean by that, since there are so many posters that give the impression that I'm a heartless witch, is that I talk to him and explain to him how bossing someone around is not nice and not exceptable in our house, hitting is not exceptable ect. ect. I then try to incorporate something postive so that he doesn't feel that I am a constant nag. I find things he enjoys and interact with him...basically, I show that I care about his well being.
As far as his neglect from his bio mom, we are documenting everything to the best of our ability. This has been a trying time. There is so much more to the story, but I would never be able to post all of it. We deal with a lot when it comes to his mother and I know that his homelife is not the best. This is why my dear husband wants the time his son has with us to be nothing but roses. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the time I feel the same way. I hate that he lives in hell (even though he doesn't see it that way) the majority of the time, therefore, I DO try to incorporate lots of happy and fun time. However, I can't say it enough, "I" see the big picture. His mother flat out told me that she doesn't help him with potty training because that's the daycare's job. For her, anything and everything is the daycare's job. I do not agree. That's not how I was raised. I was a daycare child. I also had two, albiet not perfect, parents that stayed together till I moved out. My parents corrected me and taught me right from wrong, they didn't leave it up to my grandparents, teachers, ect. ect. It all starts at home. That's my frustration in a nutshell. His mother doesn't want to raise him, my husband just wants him to be happy and I want him to be a well-mannered, happy child that eventually turns out to be a successful adult.

That definitely puts a different spin on to it! To be honest with you, it never occurred to me that he may not know what to do in the situations when we ask him to do something we consider basic. However, you couldn't be more right...if that's something he doesn't do at his mother's house, he's probably clueless at our house. I have always thought that our house is probably overwhelming for him. At his mother's house there are five other kids that come and go...when I say they come and go, he has two half siblings and three step siblings, their visitation schedules are different from ours, so he may spend two days with two siblings, three with other siblings and sometimes just completely alone. At our house he is the only child. We are also very different from his mother and step father. I'm not saying this to totally trash his mother and step father, however, they aren't very clean people (then again, they DO have six kids lol) when we take him to his mom's house, you can see food laying all over the floor, dog feces, laundry covers every surface, ect. ect. We, on the other hand are very clean. Not to the point of craziness, but we take care of our things and our house is free of clutter. His mother is very loud and obnoxious, whereas, even though I may have foul language from time to time, I'm actually very soft spoken, I have never raised my voice to him, even though sometimes it can be a struggle! We do not scream in our house, slam doors, throw things when something goes wrong, ect. ect., all the things he is used to hearing and seeing. My husband is also very soft spoken. I'm not sure of my step child's step-father, in my dealings with him, he is very quiet. I do beleive that he treats my step child well, because my step child mentions him often and it's always in a kind way.

All in all, I honestly can't even imagine what does go through the childs mind. I thankfully had both my parents growing up, I was never shipped from house to house and I was an only child. Therefore, it's just an extremely foreign concept to me. Even though my original post was horrid and I received a lot of flack for it, I have actually experienced some healing too. An eye-opener if you will. I have also had several wonderful conversations with my husband. What I will probably continue to battle is the fact that even though he lives and behaves completely different at his mother's house than he does at ours, I still want him to behave by our rules and I still have the hope that we can make a difference in his life. What kills me is that the "rules" at our house are just the basics, pick up your toys and put them back where they belong, use manners (which isn't strictly enforced, just reminders), if we tell you not to do something...dont' do it, such as touching the stove when it's on, walking outside without asking first and not to hurt our animals. That's it!!!! That's all I ask for! My frustration is that he (the step child) has the ability to do these things, he's done them, it's when he deliberately goes against our orders that I think there should be disciplinary action for. Once again, I'm not an ogre, I have never so much as popped his hand, even though I thought he needed it. I have never raised my voice nor spoken an unkind word to him. I personally do not feel that it's my place to constantly correct him. I feel my husband should step up to the plate. One of the talks we had earlier this week, I gave him examples in the hopes that something would sink in. I told him that the fact that he (ss) doesn't listen to us when we tell him not to do something, or the opposite, it's something he was told to do, can have extreme consequences. Example - if we tell him to ask before going outside and he doesn't, what's going to stop him from running in the street and getting hit by a car. Get my point? Plus, if he doesn't listen now, the older he gets, the harder it's going to be.

It's just so darn difficult to attempt to instill any kind of morals and values into a child that you only see five days a month.

I do now clearly see that my anger has been directed at the wrong person. It's not him (ss) that I have been so upset with this entire time, it's my husband.

As far as counseling goes, we are looking into it for us and for him.

Yes, it was harsh! I felt pure rage when I wrote it. Now that I reread it, I can't believe it was even me! However, believe it or not, I do give a damn about the kid, I think that's why I have become someone I never knew I had the capability of becoming. I give a damn about him, because in my observations, no one else does. His mother treats him as if she just brought him home from the hospital and my DH treats him like a fragile flower because he feels so sorry for him. I give a damn about him because I see how his lack of parenting can affect the rest of his life. We all know people that we have uttered the statement, "they just weren't raised right", or "someone obviously didn't get enough butt whippings when they were a child." I don't want that to be him. I would give anything in the world for him to eventually grow into a wonderful adult that I'm proud to call my step-son.

Anywho, it probably wasn't meant to be funny, however, when you wrote "his mommish obviously isn't." I literally laughed out loud! lol