DH is parenting like our kids are my skids
Why is DH looking to make me into an enemy?
Now that the skids aren't allowed here, DH is doing the same thing he used to do with them, but with our kids. He is always taking up for them when I get on their cases about cleaning up after themselves and trying harder, and he does stuff with them and excludes me, has "tickle fights" with them when they are too old for that. DS5 was trying to have "tickle fights" with the other kids on his soccer team and they started hitting him and getting angry with him. I hate tickle fights, watching my 9 and 5 year old screech like 2 year olds, ugh. When the kids run around and scream and jump on the furniture he just ignores it or gets mad at me for being annoyed by it. I am tired of dinner conversations where my kids and DH just say stupid nonsense things instead of having an actual conversation. When I try to include myself he either makes fun of me or gets angry at me. It's making me crazy! I don't want my kids to be like the skids!
defeatedsm-----From reading
defeatedsm-----From reading your other post it sounds like DH's other children turned out rather low life and trashy. My 1st thoughts were that perhaps he may be initiating these problems with your own kids together. If this group of kids become problem children then in his mind it will have nothing to do with him. Just as the other kids problems have nothing to do with him. Must be the mother's fault in both cases.
Could there be a little passive agressive anger on his part that for what ever reason he is alienated from his other children. In stead of accepting that he is the one at fault you are the one he blames. So if he encourages unacceptable behaviors from the children you have together and buddies up with them against you then you become the odd man out. He creates a situation that alienates you from the relationship you had with your children. Your relationship with them becomes strained as the " bitch always correcting or yelling at them" and he is the nice guy. What he is pulling is not as innocent as it appears.
Yeah, when the kids screw up
Yeah, when the kids screw up he doesn't punish them because "they are just kids," and he can't enforce any rules because I will just screw it up. But he also thinks we don''t need to have any rules. Instead of telling the kids "No" he says "Go ask your mom." If they are doing something wrong, the best I can get from him is "your mom doesn't want you to do that." Lately husband has decided he isn't really interested in anything I have to say (like my hobbies, interests, opinions), so he just ignores me or makes fun me when I try to have a conversation with him. Now the kids ignore me and all other adults and children who aren't their friends because we are all "boring." I told DH we need to communicate better so now he talks to me via email, but only about himself and the things he is interested in, which don't include our family.
There's nothing wrong with
There's nothing wrong with tickle fights, per say, and even at 11 and 12 ours would do the 'poke, dig, aggravate' thing in passing and it was just for fun. I draw the line at ear piercing screams though! Furniture? If they want to tickle fight then they should go in the den, or some other area where they cannot hurt themselves on furniture.
I honestly believe that if you make it an 'issue' he'll use it more and more.
I'd be telling them to 'keep it down to a dull roar please!'
Think about your main objective here, you feel excluded...right?
What fun things do you like to do with the kids that everyone enjoys?
Try to balance it out whereby you all get to have fun.
I believe he really is a big kid at heart, I know, it does not bode well with being a responsible parent but kids need to burn off their excess energy too.
I'd be saying 'OK kids, time to rest now!' I'd be looking him straight in the eye as I said 'kids' too.
Mind you, I am the one running and playing soccer with SD and doing all the physical activities, even at age 50+ so I think we get old because we stop playing and laughing!
Can you lighten up on them a little? Just enough that he gets fun time with them and you get to call the shots, like 'take that noise somewhere else please!' You are not directly telling them to stop...just move it along...play him at his OWN passive games...LOL
Definitely feeling excluded.
Definitely feeling excluded. I like to play board and card games, cook, do crafty art projects, sew, play sports, and wrestle with the boys. I like playing with the kids and get to do that, I just don't like playing with DH. He always throws the game if it is competitive, so there isn't any real competition for me which is boring. When we do projects he takes over and doesn't let anyone do anything because we will just screw it up. When we carved the pumpkin for Halloween, DH designed it and carved it while we all got to watch until we got bored and left, and then I cleaned up after he was done. I guess to me something needs to require some effort on my part in order to be interesting, but to my husband doing everything for us is being a good dad. I think he actually says that last part sometimes.
Oh, so your DH is immature
Oh, so your DH is immature like my SO. I swear he's stuck at 14 with his vulgar and stupid humor (fart jokes aren't funny after a certain age). They have flicking and punch competitions. You think anyone around here talks about art or history with the skids? Ha. No, its better that life be like the movie stepbrothers.
When skids aren't here, he actually has mature intelligent conversations with me. Its like he dumbs down when they are here (well he dumbs down more).
I know exactly what you are
I know exactly what you are talking about, DH uses baby words and nonsense words all the time and even though one of my rules is "no name calling" basically name calling takes the place of actual conversation.
That's the friend parent
That's the friend parent coming out. SO thinks its no big deal and cool (and so do his kids) for him to say "what's up mo-fo" to them.
Its so low class. But that's why his kids behave the way they do.
You could just do the reverse
You could just do the reverse psychology thing with them all?? LOL
There's something about manipulating, controlling, people and I think your DH is one of them, they have a higher sense of 'self' and awareness of a lot of issues...so much so that they cannot see the wood for the trees!
My DH is too, to an extent and it infringes upon my sense of ME so there's a clash of personalities/egos going on sometimes.
I think we are all a bit passive at times, after all we are writing here instead of dealing with the issues in hand, until we get a better perspective...right?
A lot of us are writing from previous experience and hindsight too. Since childhood I was told that 'there's no accounting for folks' and it gave me the perspective that I cannot change people.
What I struggled with was getting DH to see my perspective on things...I quit that! I disengaged and he saw for himself how much ACTUAL work goes into raising kids, his kids since mine are grown (Thank you Lord.
I think that if he actually KNEW and experienced all the aspects of raising kids he might just develop a different outlook. Suggest to him that you are tired out, he'll lap up being 'given' control for a while and he'll do EVERYTHING perfectly for the first day or so...compliment him...boost his ego...then watch his house of cards come tumbling down! He will not be able to maintain any sort of disciplines in the kids, they will want to goof off the whole time and he'll be lumbered with the chores and the homework falling behind etc. SHOW him!!