Sorry, but that is weird and inappropriate. It would be one thing if this was a "loose end" that needs to get tied up, but it is clearly still an active arrangement...

I would be very bothered and upset. If you are his life partner, then all assets, powers, etc. should be in your name.

((HUGS))

You have every right to be upset, in my opinion. I would have to dig deeper and find out the reasons for this. I don't know if I would be able to trust him. There should be NO ties with ex except children. If it was one month after the divorce, sure...but three years? Ummmm...NO!

I'd be leaving until it changed. That is way too many ties for an ex. Definitely not ok.

She does NOT need to be the POA for him "b/c she's BM". If he wants to leave anything to BD then all he has to do is state that in his will, if she is not old enough to take it on it can be stipulated that it goes into an account of sorts until she is. But there is no reason in HELL she still needs to be POA. (besides even if she is POA that doesnt mean that she will give anything to BD. it just means she has control of EVERYTHING!!)
that means the house too, so think about it, if SO dies then she can kick you out and take everything from right under you.

The reason my ex gave for doing about the same thing is "Nobody will take care of our children like you and I don't trust anyone else to do it."

To this day, I still take care of some of his business and finances. Kids are grown now and it is still going on.

I don't have a problem with DF leaving a set amount for his minor kids and allowing the mother's to have control of it. That way I won't have to deal with Crazy BM ever again. If she's dumb enough to blow it all foolishness (and she is) then that's on her.

Thank goodness you don't have any accounts together! I definitely wouldn't be joining my money with someone who is still financially tied with his ex wife.

I really cannot stand the very idea of living in a house that I have not put my name to. Investments, this woman is sitting on what should become yours if you marry this man and he goes before you do. She'd have to buy you out or you buy her out or you'd be in legal wrangles forever if an agreement could not be reached. Has he willed his share to his child?? This is too much. It's better you find out now before you actually do invest more than living expenses (which you'd have to pay anywhere you live really). How much say does the ex have in the upkeep of the house? How much equity is there? I'd be thinking in financial terms too!! He could remorgage and take her name off the title, does she pay half the note? If he remorgages now he'll get a decent interest rate. Hell's teeth...Ohhh noooooo!! Get out of there my friend. You could potentially be left homeless, ex gets one half and child the other half, if you were to continue to live in ignorance, which he should not be allowing to happen if he's committing to you in a relationship. Disrespect in the extreme!
What else does he lie, withholding truth is still lying, about? I'd sorely lose trust here. To think that he'd actually LET you pay half of the household expenses and live a lie like that? How much is the ex paying towards the house? Is he living large at the expense of both of you?? To have the audacity to consider you should not be upset is atrocious! Look into his paperwork, have him lay it all out for you if he wants this relationship to work out. Get some financial advice too! If he will not lay it out for you then you lay out the red carpet for you to walk OUT the door. Are you earning enough to get your own house note? It does not have to be an extravagant place...you know it's a buyer's market right now...yes? What he SHOULD be doing is having an appraisal done to buy her out...lowball it! I am still speechless! Wow!! I wish you luck.

I am sure her name is on the house becasue he has not refinanced since the divorce. However, the joint checking, the POA? You've asked him about this and it's "for the kids"? I say BS on that. I'd tell him to break the ties NOW...or I'd be looking for someone who wanted only me.

You might as well be paying your own bills, my friend, for all that you are going through.
I've been to hell and back with SKids, BM, DH having his head so far up his ass it's incredable, yet we have worked some stuff through.
I agree with you that 'making' people do stuff just causes resentments down the line, not to mention 'paybacks'!
I think you have some huge choices to make. The first thing he might come back with is 'It was like this before so what is your problem?' Anyone can 'justify' any action if they are squeazed into a corner, trust me, 'for the kids' sakes' is the prime excuse for being cowardly.
The thing that strikes me the most is that he seems like he's the sort who would still live there for financial reasons, the sort of guy who has a mistress and his wife knows about it and tolerates it...for financial security. He's a step apart from that, she no longer lives with him. This arrangement has probably been going on so long that to suddenly stop it now might cause problems. I am speculating here. You are not married yet, right? I think that I would discuss with him what would happen with finances once you are married. I would suggest that more stuff goes jointly in your names and you appoint a relative of his the POA over his estated should you not survive him. If you are married you automatically get POA, right? The only issue would be, and this is a huge issue, the security of your HOME.
I think I would still be maintaining some sort of safeguard for his child, and consider ways and means to do that taking BM out of that picture. As for the vehicle insurance? That's really chump change, she can get her own!
I do understand not 'rocking the boat' with BM to a large extent, we did it too, but not putting our home in jeopardy! In discussions I would let him know that this would be your marital home and you really do want to feel that it's secure for both of you. Selling the house really is not viable right now, suggest to him that you'd thought about it and the practicalities involved. You have thought about that...right?
I'm just throwing stuff out here, not being in the situation my own self and not knowing the full story.
Find out for your own self how to go about taking the name off the deed? I think it's a legal and financial process? Maybe he was not being forced into thinking about it until now? DH here is a bit of an eleventh hour adventist, I know to ask for stuff WELL in advance...LOL
Now that he is aware that you are upset by this I'd ease off a little...softly softly catchee monkey...right? It's been a 'way of life' for him for how long now? BM could still refuse to sign paperwork and she could get a proverbial 'hair up her ass' and cause problems. Are you ready for all of that? A new will could make a difference that BM is not aware of. The bank can be dealt with by closing the account but, again, two signatures might be required? How about he takes his name off the account and opens a new one with you? It's just the ONE account...right? Am I correct in thinking that a major transaction would require TWO signatures? I do not think she can really do any great damage there.
I'd approach DH on a practical level with this, tell him you are over the initial shock, hurt and betrayal and now you want to work on a solution. I do not think anyone truly 'gets over' hurt and betrayal but there are things that ease the pain somewhat. I think that he will begin to make amends with you once he knows you are going to be receptive...that's human nature...right? The solution is looking at you, follow your instincts, discuss, get other perspectives from people who know the situation. Being a wimp with BM really does seem to be 'standard procedure' until the kids come of age, I do not think that means he is a bad person. I know DH has qualities that far outweigh his wimpyness in that situation. He's drawn the line with her now, I put the bug inhis ear a year or so ago that once the kids made 18 they can have their own relationship with their mother and it's none of our business. SKids sometimes are THE cause of problems between BM and DH too! Little monsters! Gotta love them though, and I do!
I sincerely hope that things work out, they seemed to be going well until this happened. Try to consider it a 'glitch' on the map of your future together if you can. Sometimes people really do not THINK and if somethings' always been that way and no problems arose they honestly do not see the need to change it!!
If you still feel like creating a new life just for you then that's the course you should take, I am not sure if you are aware but you really do have more power over this situation than you might be aware of. Whatever you do, do with dignity! Good luck my friend.

I'm glad to hear you are very strong, and have another good option to go to. Because this sounds a smidge familiar in terms of exes who refuse to give up control and are... control-freaky (I'm in a situation with a... something-pathic BM to my husband, pathological lying, absolutely -needs- to control absolutely everything re kids and gets getting to husband and me often), I can identify at least kinda.

My husband is basically afraid of BM still, 5 yrs post divorce, and my asking him to even ask her to, say, call before barging into the house where he and I live when she drops of kids sets her off, and he takes 45 min to send her the email to ask for that.

There may be a smidge of that too, your SO might be basically afraid of his ex, and she may upset everything so much if he asks to change those things. My skids' BM is routinely threatening "court of law" and mediation over any change my husband proposes as quietly as can be. SHE needs to control, everything. She's unstable, in my eyes. While your SO is being unfair to you in my mind, and the amount of control his ex has is not right if they are divorced now, he might be as controlled as my husband was and still is quite a bit, by BM?

I am living in the house she forced him to buy so she could be closer to her affair, her boss at work (nice!), which she then convinced (manipulated) my husband into buying from her at $50k over market price at the time, so at least she's off the deed though also made sure my husband had $0 leftover, having also spent every last dollar they made over their 8-yr marriage where they earned an obscene amount of money. I have the quote of, "I will -not- live on a budget" So charming.

If your SO tries to buy her out, he may be facing a similar struggle-theft of an outrageous selling price, though I hope not if he chooses that path to make your relationship his life, and if his ex is similarly controlling.

I'd be outraged at your situation too, and it makes sense to feel this way. I live in the BM-my husband's house, and feel uncomfortable enough there, in addition to really disliking the actual house. But, I've seen my husband actually start freaking out / trembling etc when he needs to confront BM over any tiny detail he disagrees with her about. And he is otherwise super confident, so a super controlling bully of an ex can be scary. She scares me, for sure, too! I've come to the conclusion though that she's just basically crazy, genuinely unstable, which helps me feel better about her, bullying doesn't scare me. I'm taking the laughing at her track, for my own sanity.

Best of luck with this. My best wishes. Get in touch if she's off her rocker controlling; I've got tons of book recommendations if this is the case and you stick around if he doesn't come around to wanting to understand your perspective. That's the real negative in my view, and I'm dealing with plenty of that struggle in my situation too.

Energy of Lawyer is a papers which is lawful and which is to be finalized by a person who plans to accept someone else to take the liability as his (grantor's) broker, in regards to handling and dealing with the choices regarding his financial situation, investment strategies and other financial agreements. Revoking a Energy of Lawyer indicates eliminating the abilities of taking choices with regards to financial issues that were formerly allowed to another personal.
surveillance

Energy of Lawyer is a papers which is lawful and which is to be finalized by a individual who plans to accept someone else to take the liability as his (grantor's) broker, in regards to handling and dealing with the choices regarding his economical situation, investment strategies and other economical agreements. There are certain actions which should be performed in providing the ability of attorney.
security service

Not cool at all! :jawdrop: WHY does he still have financial ties with the ex??? I agree with you as far as being uncomfortable. Hopefully, he changes these things soon, or some ultimatums may have to be issued. Good luck!

This is what is called a deal breaker. IMHO of course. He needs to get a Will that dispensates his estate as he wishes with an independent executor or executrix.

I would not do anything jointly with an SO who had residual crap like this with their X regardless of if that X helped spawn my SO's children or not.

OMG - this has SOOOOO many red flags about it.

Why did they get divorced if they can still be so chummy? Doesn't he care that you'd be out on your ass if he died?

Screw that. This guy has NO ZERO ZIP concept of boundaries. AND he doesn't understand why it would bother you?? DO NOT COMBINE FINANCES...he is still combined with BM. Probably emotionally, too. ICK.

I found out recentely that my partner still have accont with his EX and I try to talk about and I asked to close the accont in UK and he gets really mad at me and come out with excuses that he has to go there to close so I prove to him that he could close it online. Than he gets evem more mad and said he will not close it and asked me to get out of his fanancial business. I can not accept it and I dont know how to act. I move here with my kids from Texas March last year and I found out about this together with her and motocycle with her name too! I wondering what welse I will found out if I continue dig on.

I dont know what to do and it is taking my sleep alway from me. 

If it is a joint account of course she has POA on the account.  That she has POA on anything else for  YOUR BF.  That crap needs to stop immediately.  Since you are not married he should shift his POA to his attorney or to his parents. 

Do not hitch your star to this turd unless he rectifies this now.

My concern is why you are just finding this out??? Just because your finances aren't joined doesn't mean you should have been kept in the dark. Secrecy is a big red flag for me. My SO and I have seperate finances due so his monster of an ex can't see our assests and she destroyed his credit after their divorce, so we are very cautious. We both have access to view each other's accounts  - online banking makes this easy. 

On the flip side - I have full POA for my ex. He has never remarried and wants our BS to inherit all of his stuff. This may change if he was to ever remarry, but as for now I am the only one he trusts to manage his estate. My SO knows about this. I also have one joint bank account with my ex. This account was set up when our BS was still in school and we used it as a convieneint way to tranfer money when BS needed something (we live in differnt states). The account is still set up in case there is an emergency, but otherwise unsued. It is also seperate from my main bank account. And finally, my SO knows about this account and has fromteh beginning. My name is on my ex's house, but his name is not on mine. This was his choice, again, so if something happened to him prior to our BS coming of age I could easily give him the estate. My ex has an OS who did not go down a good path and he does not want our BS to have to fight his OS or his family after his death.