Help
Okay, so here it goes....I am in a situation that is completely puzzeling to me. My better half and I have been together for a longtime. He has two biological children to his ex-wife and she has a child that she brought into the marriage. They are divorced and still battling over custody for not only his two children that he has with her, but for the child that she brought into the marriage. He constantly bashes her and let me tell you I am not a fan of hers, but in my opinion he should not be saying the things he is saying about her to them, he constantly puts her down, makes the kids say mean things about her and now, the kids are so messed up that they hate their mother and are now in counseling...also now the kids have no respect for women, are constantly rude, talk back, and refuse to listen to anyone but their father. These kids do not pick up after themselves, leave garbage around the house, leave messes everywhere...they do not have any friends at school, they have no social skills, that cannot and do not know how to interact with other children...the basics of sharing and social skills that one learns in the early years of development. Did I mention that they are 9yrs old and 8yrs old.
So, I spoke with my husband I told him, that i understand that the kids are going thru a hard time, but the things that you are saying are not right, that is their mother, they need to respect her, regardless of the situation she is an adult, and what happened between you two, is between you two, this is an adult situation, and yes it does effect your children, you need to keep them out of it. Its gotten to the point that I do not even want to come home from work, I feel like I am not even welcomed in my own home. I told him that the kids are acting out.
He had hired a babysitter for the kids for after school, she quit after the first day, she told him that his kids were bad, rude, and had no respect for her or any adults. He was upset and of course defened his kids, but you know, he is so blind, because she was telling the truth. I told him that if things did not change that I was leaving. I am so unhappy, and I love him, but his kids drive me up the wall, please help before I loose control.
OK....If I were you I would
OK....If I were you I would leave....plan your exit strategy NOW
MAKE SURE YOU ARE GONE BY XMAS - which Germaine Greer says is just another thing that women are used to organise anyway....leave him to his horrible children and his nasty ways....go to your family and be blessed you dont have children to him that will pick up his values....
One question...Why does he have the kids and she dont?
Mind you if you really love him then you better look for others to give you advice on that one...but for me...you summed it up....YOU DONT WANNA GO HOME FROM WORK...That there is the first sign that your heading for a split...and its innevitable....so just HARDEN UP AND GET OUT NOW!
Oh....before you accidently get preggo
Thank you so much....I have
Thank you so much....I have started working on my exit plan. The reason why she doesnt have the kids and he does...because he has made up half truths about her to the court and has made her out to be a monster. Which she is not, she left him, and now I see why, I do not blame her. She was alienated in her own home. She claimed that he was mentally and emotionally abusive, so she left. She also claimed that the children would tell her that they hated her and would tell her to leave and go away forever. He allowed this to go on. In court she claimed that he has brainwashed the kids to thinking all of these bad things about her,and you know what he has.
He is very mentally and emotionally abusive and so are his kids. I cannt remember the last time he told me he loved me or even gave me a kiss. He starves you of human touch, he mentally makes you feel like you are worthless and well, makes you feel unattractive because he takes not interest in you sexually. So, i confronted him once about it, and he told me that he would change, and he did for a week, and right back to ignoring that I exsist until he needs me to run to the grocery store, or pick his kids up from school, or do anything that benefits him. I am so done with all of this.
Any advice?
http://www.divorce-lawyer-sou
http://www.divorce-lawyer-source.com/html/custody/parental-alienation-sy...
I've had to put a stop to my SO doing this. He does it a lot. The skids bad mouth their mom and he jumps on board. Or he has made really bad comments about her. I finally told him it just not allowed. If the kids vent about their mom and he won't stop them, then at the very least, he cannot contribute.
Angel680, you know exactly
Angel680, you know exactly what is right and wrong here, and you know he is not going to change. Should you have children with this man he is going to bring your children up the same way. These kids don't respect you at 8 and 9, you have no idea what they are going to be like to you when they are 18 and 19. Leave, run, don't walk.
You love him, fair enough, but he has no respect for you if he allows your children to bad mouth their birth mother what makes you think he will teach them to respect you. This situation is only going to get worse, and God forbid you should become pregnant to him at this time.
Perhaps you should leave or tell him you will (no idle threats please, if you say it be prepared to follow through, game playing is never on and especially not to just get the upper hand), unless he gets professional help for his lack of parenting skills. I would not suggest you put it in that way, telling him he lacks parenting skills will not make him go running off for help. Just let him know you see these issues, and you think both of you could use some help in dealing with them. If he refuses, well I'm sure you know what to do, no one in their right mind would want a life like this. Good luck.
You cannot have a good solid
You cannot have a good solid relationship with anyone if there is no respect. And being that I am his wife he and his children should respect me.
My threats are not idle I have already looked into another job and got some quotes from a couple of moving companies. I do not want to get help, he needs to get some professional help.. Oh yeah...parenting classes...mmmmm....get this, he was madated by the court to go to parenting classes...he's got a cert and everything...all he does is blame his ex for everything....there is no stability. I am done with him and his familiy.
Thank you for your posts. I
Thank you for your posts. I think that I was looking for someome to validate what I really wanted to do, now I am planning my exit strategy. You are right...this situation is wrong...and maybe...iv been blind all this time....maybe he has been using me for another source of income or someone to help him with his kids, and never....never ....ever....truly excepted me as part of the family. He told me the other day that his mother invited them to her house for christmas(in another state)she didn't invited me just him and his kids, his mother and i get along, we have a good relationship, but he told me that they were going away and that I was to be home alone for the holidays...go figure
That's so mean! I'm sorry.
That's so mean! I'm sorry. Yes exiting is good. Luckily you have a lot of power here. You can do whatever you want.
Okay, so last night I came
Okay, so last night I came home from work around 0100. He was still awake playing his stupid video games and messing around on facebook. I went upstairs and got a shower and layed down. I was unable to fall asleep so i went downstairs and turned the tv on. He came over after about 20 minutes and sat down with me. At 0130 one of his kids wakes up and says in a freaken baby voice to him, can I sleep with you...he said go to bed...I look at this child and in my mind, please forgive me, but I was like I cannot stand this kid, seriously, he is too old to be acting like this. This is adult time, let's have a conversation about all of the problems we are having, but instead, he babies his child like he's a freaken infant and I get up I look at him in disgust and go up stairs and go to sleep. I am so done with this whole situation, I am starting to freaken hate everyone in this house especially his children, because I blame them, I think that they know exactly what they are doing, and they have purposely ruined our relationship, and I blame him for allowing all of this to take place. I understand in life that your children come first, but there comes a time when enough is enough, they have to understand that they are not always the focus of everything. I come and sit down beside him, they come and sit on his lap, if I am sitting down beside him and I get up to get a drink, they take my seat, and he doesnt freaken say anything. I want out of this soooo soooo bad. I am working on my exit plan, but its going to take a little time. Does anyone have any words of encouragement for me? I could really use some