please help this is why i joined this site
my step son has been diagnosed with conduct disorder. thats why i am here. i came in to his life when he was 4 he is now 10 ive seen it all from, at 6 years old pulling a knife on the baby sitter to now 10 he tried to kill my infant by suffocating him. there has been plenty of other things along the way like killing pets lighting things on fire hurting his siblings self mutilation he ripped two of his teeth out with pliers before. he is in a treatment center right now and i refuse to go and see him if my wife forces me to get on the phone with him its like saying hi to my mother in law (get off the phone asap). this might not be right or im sorry if this upsets you fellow parents but i fucking hate him. that being said me and my wife fight all the time about him coming home or she aways lies to me about him getting better and the worst part of it all is she works alot and on the days she has off she gos and sees him and might take my sd with her but we have 4 (2 of them mine and 2 other step kids) at home its like they dont even matter i dont know what to do i never want this kid around mine again. and that argument is going to be the end of our marriage
has anyone been through this?
Wow..I'm so sorry to hear
Wow..I'm so sorry to hear that. I haven't been through it, but I certainly understand your position. I wouldn't want him in my home either. You have to keep the other kids safe, first and foremost. I have no idea what the prognosis is for that kind of disorder, but you might want to find out. I wouldn't trust her, either, if she lies about his condition. In a situation like this, I would err on the side of safety. Sorry I wasn't much help, but we're here if you need to vent. Good luck. Keep us updated.
^^^^^^^^ I agree with Calgon
^^^^^^^^ I agree with Calgon ^^^^^^^^
Your safety comes first...
& You owe it to your Biological children to keep them safe as well...
Its so sad but the child is very odd now at 10....can you imagine how things will be once he turns into the weirdo teenager.
My SS16 now listens to Hitlers 'most inspiring' speech daily and even told my BS13 that Hitler was the most smartest man in the world and that parents are all dumb....SS16 also proclaims he is now an athiest.
Thank God the BM PAS's him and apart from FB my BS hasnt much to do with this nutter ....
I have considered leaving for the sake of the safety and serenity of my children too....oh and me.
this isnt the first time he
this isnt the first time he has been institutionalized im too the point that if she trys to bring him home again im going to leave with my kids and because of him cys has been involved and the lady that was in charge of our case told me that if i wanted out that i would have full custody with supervised visits with mom now i dont want to do that to someone i once d loved im trying to keep our family together but hes the nail and mom is the hammer
Oh this is one of the worst
Oh this is one of the worst stories I've ever read here. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him. He sounds like he'd murder a family in their sleep. I am so sorry about this for you. I think I'd have to cut my losses on this one. He'd come no where near me or my kid.
I'm sorry to tell you this,
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are absolutely on the right track.
Do not let him near your kids. That is your first priority and you will never forgive yourself if he hurts one of them. Neither will anyone else, probably. Mom will get pity because she was out of her mind with grief and love for her son. You will get blamed as the failed protector.
I am not suggesting that you have to get a divorce, but I think living in separate houses might be a good idea. If it's financially possible, rent an apartment for mom to live in with SS until some sort of conclusion can be reached.
Alot of married people live separately for years on end. It's not fun, but if it's in the best interest of your children--and protects them from immediate physical danger--I'd say it's your best bet in this situation.
Sorry. Try to keep us updated and try not to be too hard on yourself. This is an impossible situation. The only thing you can really focus on is the safety of the other kids in the house.
does your wife realize the
does your wife realize the seriousness of the situation, what do his doctors say? can you find out?
doesyour wife know how close you are to taking the other kids and leaving? I think he should definitely NOT be around the other kids.
conduct disorder in childhood is one of the defining traits of adult sociopaths.
she needs to know it can not and will not happen and that you will actually leave her if you must.
I am so sorry. I have to say
I am so sorry. I have to say kids are NOT born that way. I think your wife has ALOT to do with a kid being that violent, etc. I can understand she loves her kiddo...but if she is putting YOUR kids life in jeopardy, you need to forget about her and protect YOUR KIDS. I don't care what you think of this woman. I am sorry if this is hurtful, but kids are crazy and violent because they have crazy parents. Period. And she is even more crazy putting her other kid's life in jeopardy. I think you need to get out, take your kids (ALL OF THEM that are BIO yours) and RUN!
PS - believe me I used to know a lady who had a small child that was the same way!!! My friend, an older man in his 50s would always say the same thing "just look at the mother..." He was right.
I have to disagree with some
I have to disagree with some of this. I looked up conduct disorder because I didn't know what it was. It CAN be genetic, and there are other causes besides a "crazy" parent.
Our girl, SD 18, was
Our girl, SD 18, was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade, then ODD at age 13 and then emerging borderline personality disorder. BM is a total psycho.
DH is also very intelligent and he really, he'll deny it all the way, really does have an arrogance to him.
Look at the gene pool? Our girl is getting intensive therapy right now in a secure juvenile facility and is doing well so far. Actually, a lot of her issues are pretty much teenage crap but, because she was in the juvenile system and on probation so she was penalized on EVERYTHING from sneaking out to disrespect etc. This kid is so damned smart it's incredable how dumb she could be at times though. She got her GED at age 16, then she came out of juvenile detention, no study time, and took her SAT for university, she'd just made 17, and got enough points to go to uni.
I love this kid, we've had our hell raising events but deep down she's a good kid. She's always going to want things her own way, she'll always try to manipulate to get what she wants but we are hoping she'll use honey instead of vinegar...that's about our best we can hope for! She will make a damned good CEO! She wants to study law and become an attorney...may God help her opponents!
You have to protect your own
You have to protect your own children first priority. I wonder what type of life he's had up till now. His diet? His sleeping patterns? Discipline (not over the top discipline but consistent "pruning")? Consequences for his actions?
This type of stuff is not overcome easily; he also needs therapy accompanied by good, wholesome natural food diet, boundaries, proper sleep, complete removal of all electronic devices (phones, computers, tv, etc) unless UBER educational. Constant supervision. He may also need meds but I suspect that your wife has just medicated him as a crutch for his "conduct disorder" and then makes excuses for his behaviour.
If you are not allowed to put your foot down with him (you are in a better position to do this since you are stepdad; most NCP stepmoms have ZERO authority yet 100% responsibility) then I would definitely RUN!!
Thank you so much everyone to
Thank you so much everyone to answer some of your q's his doctors are at the point that they throw there hands in the air and say well we can try this. Mom is defiantly on the pity bus and all of my in-laws hate me because I hate him and love to say that I don't support my wife in this. Now I try and be a good husband and let her talk to me about him but I always try and hint that I never want him to come home. We really got into last night about him she is going to see him 3 times this week, now that might not sound weird but she has worked since last wed. had sun. off she saw him has this wed. off going to see him again and this weekend he is going to his grandmothers for a home visit (my wife won't let me and him be home alone she thinks I'll kill him) this is what started all this yesterday she is spending more time with him than the ones that live with us (sd, ss, bs, bs,) and their starting to ask why I don't know what to do
{{{HUGS}}} Suffocate your
{{{HUGS}}}
Suffocate your infant??? This kid has future psychopath written all over him. You need to think of your children first. You could lose custody or worse a child because of this behavior. There is no way to watch someone 24/7.
^^^^^^^ This!! You can NOT
^^^^^^^
This!!
You can NOT watch him as closely as you need to for everyone to be safe. I wish I had gotten this advice when my DD was born. Everyone kept telling me to stay, that my ex-SS needed a mom and that was all that was wrong. I stayed... I wasted a decade of my life, endangered my DD, and exposed her to things I can never take back.
I, also, exhausted myself as a parent. My DD got the short end of the stick, too often...
I was in a very abusive
I was in a very abusive relationship when I was 18 with some guy who I thought I loved....
Mom took me out to lunch one day and in her mater of fact way she said to me....'you know that half them people that run around murdering their parents and their siblings, then themselves are usually labelled as normal, and that no one could have ever detected prior that they could have ever done anything like this'
My heart goes out to the mom....look at Casey Anthony's mom....no matter how bad your child is....you always love them....I would hug my son for the rest of his life even if he took up a life of crime...
Can this kid be saved by correct diet? So many young kids these days are totally off their dials from too much coke, sugar, preservatives and food dyes/chemicals....
My BS13 shld be on meds but I make him go out side and run around, I have turned off the tv, xbox, sugar, sugar drinks, ipod crap and make him eat vegies, fresh lean steaks fruit and lots of fresh water....after all this I may allow him a couple of sweets....but if he has too many...he is horrible...
Ya I agree I know what needs
Ya I agree I know what needs done. My biggest fear is that we get the divorce and I lose custody. I know what I was told but everyone of my friends that have kids and isn't with mom gets fucked with cs and very rearlly gets thire kids. I am a 26 year old that started a landscaping company last year I'm doing pretty well for running it for a year. But what will a judge think my wife is older she's 30 and a nurse so she dose pretty well. But I'd rather be there to protect them than be divorced and not have my kids and lose my mind if he's there and I can't be. That's why I think I've procrastinated this long.
Has anyone gone through a
Has anyone gone through a divorce where one of the kids is abusive and how did that pan out??
oh for christs sake
oh for christs sake mate....
forget the monitory side of things....who cares what you are not left with...just look after yourself.
All of us can talk about being done over by our ex's .... my ex owes me so much money you would not believe....90k was last count...ill never get it but Ide rather be broke than have to live with him and his horrible manner....
I'm not worried about myself
I'm not worried about myself at all this isnt about cs i want full custody I just don't want to be out looking in then I would not be able to protect them
can you maybe talk to a
can you maybe talk to a lawyer? I'd check into laws in your state, the fact that she wants to bring an ODD kid into the household after he attacked a baby might mean you could automatically get custody. I'd find a good lawyer, and find out, before you put it off any longer
keep us posted too, we care