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Habitual Lying

AMM730's picture

I need help! I'm at the end of the line... My SS10 has a HUGE issue with Habitual Lying that has steadily got worse over the last 2.5 years. He was diagnosed as ADHD 2 years ago and has been on meds and in counseling since. He lies about EVERYTHING! We've tried grounding him, taking things away, talking, writing sentences...NOTHING works! The kid would be content sitting in his room, looking at his walls ALL day. Sometimes I wonder if he's capable of telling the truth... Any advice of an effective and appropriate punishment would be graetly appreciated!

Kes's picture

Lying can be a particular problem with children with ADHD. I suggest you look at this article - it is short and straightforward. But if you feel the problem is very severe I would consider getting professional help from a child psychologist - counselling may not be enough to tackle the issue, particularly if it is the person-centred type. http://addadhdadvances.com/lying.html

AMM730's picture

Thank you! I do have to add that he is in cognitive behavioral therapy AND that his BM has switched his Councellor 5 times in the last year (maybe just a little over a year). I'm sure this doesn't help the situation any. :?

Kes's picture

The CBT does not sound as if it is doing much good, then. Maybe trying family therapy would be useful, as it is a family dynamic in which he tells lies. The trouble with trying to organise family therapy in Step families, is that it is usually impossible to get all concerned in the same room! I sure as hell would not set foot in a therapy room with BM before hell froze over!

AMM730's picture

I agree! I have been to 1 session in which just his father and I were there and 1 where it was SS10, BM and SD, myself and BD. The problem is, if it was up to BM, "we" (FDH and I) wouldn't be involved in his treatment even though they have shared parenting. The last time she switched the Counselor the only way we found out was by the office calling to verify BD's SSN and insurance information. I honestly believe that BM is Dr. "shopping"...trying to find one that will agree with her and with-holding information in which she may "look bad". She can not do this if we are involved as it's our nature to be truthful. She's setting this kid up to have life long issues in more way than one. Sad

hismineandours's picture

I'm not sure I have any advice for you-just wanted to say I know how you feel. My ss13 is a habitual liar. He lies about everything and always has. He creates his own reality-one that suits him-and just chooses to believe it. He lies for attention. He lies to get out of trouble. He lies because he's bored. It's gotten to the point in which I dont think he has any genuine relationships (I am sure he thinks he does) but I really dont believe he does because it's hard to even have a convesation with him or get to know him on any level as everything is lies.

mombydefault's picture

I have no answers, but I am in the exact same situation. I will be following this blog to see if anyone has any advice for you.

mannin's picture

Same for me too.

I'm seriously the only one that calls my SS out on his lying. When I point out he's lying to family, they tell me they don't want to pick on him. He started lying since seeing his BM again this past February - she's a habitual liar too.

His lying is so bad, I have to talk with his teacher regularly about assignments, his behaviors at school, etc.

It's tiring.

Rags's picture

Lying was a spanking offense in my parent's home and it was a spanking offense in our home. I can assure you that lying did not happen often in my parent's home or in our home.

Lighting up some lying kid ass may prove to be an effective discipline method for you too.

Give it a try.