To break up a blended family??

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I am wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way....
I have a son, and a new step-daughter, I have been married to my 2nd husband for about 4 months now. We knew each other for quite some time before getting married, but now that everything has seemed to settle down, I find myself thinking maybe we rushed into this. I am honestly having thoughts about my first husband (my son's father), and how life could be so much easier if the original three of us were back together again. Then I would have my son every day, instead of heartache for half of every week, for one thing. However, my son loves the new hubby and step-sister, and I know if I was to end this situation, he would miss them dearly. He is 5, so I also wonder if maybe it would be easier on him now, rather than waiting. I need advice, BAD! I don't know how long I can stay married to this guy, if he really is the one for me....but I don't want to hurt either of the kids more than what they've already been through in their lives......any thoughts?

WTH? People take marriage too

WTH? People take marriage too lightly-I don't buy it. I suggest therapy.

oh, and I forgot to mention

oh, and I forgot to mention that my son still cries because he misses daddy sometimes, and says he cries for me at daddy's house. He also occasionally mentions that he wishes I could live with his dad again... I feel very guilty and don't know what to do.

Are you saying you to want go

Are you saying you to want go back to your ex? If so,does he feel the same way about you?

WOW

Yeah, my ex has come a long

Yeah, my ex has come a long way in bettering himself as a person and as a father....I didn't give him enough credit before, and maybe just didn't give him enough time to figure it out. And, yes, he still wants me back.

Is this a joke? If it is

Is this a joke?

If it is real, why come to a step parent board and not a marraige board?

This is not a joke. And I

This is not a joke. And I came to the step-parent board because I created with my new husband, a blended family....a decision which I am now doubting myself on. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through what I am feeling, and if anyone here has ever divorced again after blending families. I didn't realize this was a place to come to get "hated" on...

"and how life could be so

"and how life could be so much easier if the original three of us were back together again. Then I would have my son every day, instead of heartache for half of every week"

I always encourage people to do everything they can do to save a marriage before they pull the life support. If you think its tough the first time you don't know what hell is until you become a step parent/2nd marriage.

Now that you in this one I think you should try to make it work.

I see your point, and the

I see your point, and the truth is I didn't do everything I could to save the first one. And now I want to go back in time and change my decisions, because I see new potential with my ex, and I see and feel the stress of blending a family. And honestly, my feelings for my new husband have changed. That's the main reason I've started feeling like maybe we jumped into this.

Ooh boy. Figure out how you

Ooh boy. Figure out how you feel about your HUSBAND because it seems like this stems mostly about you missing your SON.

I understand the heartache of not being about to have my kids around at all times. That's why it's hard to understand some moms who don't want custody of their kids. It also helps me to be more sensitive to how my ex-dh feels and also how my DH feels about his own kids.

Do you live close enough to your ex where you can have a more liberal visitation? Ex-dh and I have an arrangement where the kids live with me but he takes my oldest to school in the mornings, is there for the other 2DS soccer practices and games 5x a week, and can basically call me to say anytime that he wants to see them or take them out to dinner or whatever.

Perhaps you could just drop by to see DS afterschool for a quick hug and kiss and "how was school today?" kind of thing. It sound like the two of you are suffering separation anxiety but look hard enough for a solution, you'll find one.

I have lunch at my son's

I have lunch at my son's school with him every other Friday (when it's daddy's day), and we do call each other on the phone. So it's not like contact is lost completely....But as I replied to the previous person, my feelings for my husband have changed. I guess it's my own fault for not seeing certain things about him before, that are changing how I feel about him now. And at the same time, I'm seeing new growth in my ex, as a father and in general.

After reading all your posts,

After reading all your posts, I'm wondering about your expectations for men. I don't know the issues you have with either your EX or current husband, but maybe you are not being realistic? It also seems that if things aren't perfect, you bolt. Again, I don't know the circumstances from what you've posted here, but take a good hard look at yourself before you make any decisions. What happens if you go back to your ex and he hasn't made the progress you wanted him to? You sound like a "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" kind of person. That's ok if you're the only one getting hurt, but you're not. You have a child who will never have stability and a trail of men who are hurt as well. I hope I'm wrong, but my gut is telling me the problem is within you.

My general policy this that

My general policy this that recycling husbands is a bad thing, but that's just me.

Hi 2nd, I have been in your

Hi 2nd,

I have been in your shoes somewhat. I fell out of love with my first husband and left him. I totally wanted to find the opposite of him. Not that he was a bad guy - he was great. I just felt he was lacking in certain areas, so I looked for someone who had the missing qualities.

However, that brought me a whole new set of problems - namely stepchildren who I saw more than my own children. I yearned for my old life, not necessarily my ex husband, but he did start to look better when compared to the life I was living. I felt guilty for leaving my husband and my children and also felt that life was so much easier before. It would have been easy to leave and just go back to my old life, but I had to tell myself that eventually I would feel the same way about him, and I wouldn't want to put my children and him through that again.

I have since left that relationship and married my current husband. We are very happy, his kids and I get along great, although sometimes there is still that feeling tugging at me that I did the wrong thing, even though I know I could never go back to my ex husband.

First of all, I LOVE your

First of all, I LOVE your quotes
I kind of got confused in your story, though....did you end up leaving the second marriage? Or was it that you ended up finding happiness after all in that second marraige?

Thanks 2nd The 2nd "marriage"

Thanks 2nd

The 2nd "marriage" was actually a common-law relationship I was in for 9 years. I was just totally looking for someone who was the opposite of my ex-husband. I left that relationship, and am now married to a great guy.

So, after getting out of that

So, after getting out of that relationship, how did your kids handle it? I worry that my son will miss his step-sister, and that it will always be something on his mind. But he is only 5, so I don't really know how much of it he will remember...do your kids still see their ex-step-siblings?

My kids couldn't stand his

My kids couldn't stand his kids, and when we broke up they were older, so no it didn't bother them, and no they don't see their ex-step siblings. My BD24 did run into her former Step Sister at a funeral and they were happy to see each other, but that's about it.

Sorry for the late reply...I just got back on.

there is a reason why you

there is a reason why you left your ex husband and why it didn't work out. i think a lot of people have those feelings or second thoughts like- oh they changed, or they have done x,y,z and are a different person now- the bottom line is no matter what "changes" they made (or have told you they made) you will most likely fall back into your old routine and realize why you left him in the first place. ex's are ex's for a reason.

you possibly are just not happy in your new relationship and are glamorizing the relationship you had with your ex and only remembering the good times or missing the comforts you once knew. it is hard when you can't put your finger on why it didn't work in your first marriage and it wasn't a BAD divorce- like someone cheated, etc. Sometimes it just doesn't work or there is nothing there anymore and it just...well, dies- those are the ones where you are left thinking- did i give up too easy? could i have done more? honestly- you should have worked those issues out before you got remarried- but it is too late now. you do need to see a therapist to work through all of this...

every once in a while you hear those stories about people who were married, got divorced and years later got remarried (even after marring someone else in between)- my own grandparents did. but i think they are far and few between...i wish you the best of luck.