BM doesn't correct her name (remarried and divorced again) in emails and such any ideas???
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:? So we get email from softball coach (SD coach) and it is sent also to BM and her last name is now different than what coach is sending...her name (from her second marriage and also my SD last name) is also my new married name but it is not her last name anymore (she has been married and divorced again) but she doesn't have him change it. Do you think she just does this to bug me??? or maybe she has name envy...and can't let go of the past. I would feel very uncomfortable having people think that my last name isn't what it really is. I would not want them to think it was my last name from my first marriage...any suggestions???
My initial feeling is that
My initial feeling is that she's doing that to bug you. BUT, she may be doing that so she has the same last name as her daughter. Bugging you may just be an added bonus. You didn't say that she legally changed it back. If she does, then there's no doubt. She wants to get to you.
Well...she has another
Well...she has another daughter from her third marriage so why wouldn't she want to make sure people know the proper name she has now? I'm sure it is just an oversite on the coachs part. But she doesn't say anything about it. I'm the type that would correct it out of respect for myself and for my DH's new wife. Some people have no integrity or respect. I also work part time with coachs wife so I wonder if I should correct it through her. I think that would make me look kind of issue like...although it is an issue...I don't think BM can let go of the old relationship and this is one small way to keep holding on...it's been 10 years since she and my husband got divorced. We have had boundarie issues with her for years.
So my question to you would
So my question to you would be? If you had another child in your second marriage would you have still changed your last name back? Wouldn't that be unfair to your child of the second marriage? I know it is just a senario but that is what I am dealing with. The BM has not changed her name back but doesn't correct people with what her name really is.
My boyfriend's ex still has
My boyfriend's ex still has his name, despite the fact that she got married a year and a half ago. This guy left her already, and while he was pretty strange, he probably could not deal with her and the brats (my bf's adult children who live with her) anymore. She actually called my bf and asked if he would pay for her to get an annulment (we found out she thought this would get her alimony back-she is a sad comedy routine). When that did not work, she asked my bf if he would take her back and when he laughed hysterically and said HELL NO, she told him and me to eff off. More comedy. Then, their daughter made her a Facebook page and they all linked to each other, her and the 3 kids, as a family-they cannot stand one another
In between all this, I was told by the lovely children that I am evil, do not count bc I am not blood, can never have kids with my bf, cannot get married to him, and pretty much told that they think they can all come here and live in our home and do what they want. No one wants to work, they are lazy beyond belief, so I think the children, despite being adults, think mom and dad are getting back together and they will all be a family again where dad supports everyone. That will never happen, they NEVER were a family. My bf was emotionally abused by the BM and his kids for years, and still is today. The kids do not love him, and treat him horribly. We never hear from BM, but I do think she is hoping the kids can convince him to get rid of me. That is why she kept my bf's last name, I am sure of it. The daughter spent several months on a mission to get me to leave the house. That did not work, so now she and her brother are not talking to my bf until he gets rid of the ****.
I do think your BM may be holding on, even though it is never going to happen. They just don't get it.
I am sorry to hear about your
I am sorry to hear about your story...it is very painful and people who haven't experienced it will never understand...instead of getting sucked into the misery we have to focus on our own happiness and do the things that make us happy
I so agree about not getting
I so agree about not getting sucked in. That is why I won't allow my bf's kids in our home and have learned to keep my conversations with his mother to a minimum now (she unintentionally causes him more stress with her BAD advice about his kids).
I agree that sometimes it's
I agree that sometimes it's best not to share all the information with someone who gives bad advice. It sounds like you have learned that (his mother) Plus, complaining to an in law is a bad move anyway...they surely don't get it...at all! I think that the kids will always have hope that their parents would get back together...I know with my BC that I encourage them to want happiness on both sides of the families (their BD is remarried also) I think it helps them focus on reality.
I sent an email to the coach as an FYI to make sure he knows BM correct last name. I hope that wasn't the wrong thing to do. It was a brief FYI and thanks note to him. What do you think?
My bf's mom is a smart, kind
My bf's mom is a smart, kind woman, but she has this ridiculous idea that if he buys the "kids" things, gives into their demands, etc. etc., they will "wake up one day and love him." They are adults who will never grow up. Nothing has ever been good enough for them, and whatever he buys them, they sell on Craigslist later down the road. She doesnt want them in her house, bc they are SO nasty, but she thinks he should put up with their abuse bc he will be "rewarded with loving children one day." I dont know what she is thinking, and they are only getting worse, and will never change. She bombards us with questions about them, and reads his daughter's Facebook, which is constant drama and lies. We can't go to her house without hearing a ton of questions. Last Spring, she wanted my bf to rent his daughter an apartment. He cannot and never could afford that, the daughter won't work full-time, has no concept of money, and treats him terribly. His mom thought I should encourage him to rent and furnish an apt. for her. Seriously? So, that is why I cannot deal with her much now. I feel like she should call them if she wants all this information. As for BM, I have never met her, and I know that is a good thing.
I think your email to the coach was fine!!!!! He needs to know who is who. As someone who has worked in education, and is hoping to get back into it, I appreciate knowing who is who.
I have two mother in laws.
I have two mother in laws. One of which is the "hundred question" kind and it is very annoying. I feel like if its still that important for her to know about the BM (ex wife) then she should effen call her. It's like she can't let go of the relationship. Really weird. The other mother in law isn't like that at all. She asks minimal questions and seems to know where the boundary should be and what ex means...at least to my knowledge. They probably secretly communicate also. Who knows...to me they all seem chaotic and crazy. I just want peace in my life...and BM and SD are so dramatic all the time.
How old are bf children? When you say adult what ages are the children? Buying them things is a mistake. Getting them what they need is important when they are growing up but at some point it doesn't benefit the children to continue the handouts. It only hurts them and doesn't make them take responsibility for themselves. Entitlement is unhealthy. It sounds like they adult children need some lessons on how to manage their lives for what they are now.
My SD BM has just moved into a trailor park (renting) because she has no credit...her third husband filed foreclosure on house she was living in with SD and daughter she had with third husband (now divorced) He really screwed her over but we only know one side of the story...I know she really screwed us over when I got married to BF. She filed bankrupcy, hid a card from BF and we almost couldn't close on a loan because he discovered the bankrupcy at that time. We had to pay for her excursions with her bf. Then her car got repossed and she wanted to negotiate child support and take my car...when hell freezes over. We ended up giving her 5000 for a car and negotiating the child support down over the years left to pay. So now she is on food stamps, cleans house under the table, and continues to scam and manipulate for things that she wants. I will NEVER trust her. It's really sad. Anyway...that is why it's important to teach the children how to manage their lives without anyone else. This BM also had someone else taking care of her and she ended up in a mess! Constantly expecting someone else to bail her out. Nobody will bail her out anymore! That is why SD is so protective and defensive...I think she knows what her mom is all about but her allegiance will always be with her BM. Not that I want to compete with her at all. I have my own 3 children to worry about. Although I want what is best for SD. Sorry this got so long.......
I still get called by my ex's
I still get called by my ex's last name especially when dealing with my two bio sons. I don't say anything either. I do, however, always fill out paperwork appropriately and sports information especially when my ex and his new wife are also listed. Thanks for your feedback...
We are experiencing this same
We are experiencing this same issue as well. My DH's ex has still not changed her last name and its been 2 years since the divorce! Not only that she is pregnant with another baby and is in the process of snapping herself up a new money train, you would think that in times like these she would be trying to make herself as appealing as possible and not look like some crazy still attached jealous weirdo who is still packing around her ex-husbands last name.
I am stick and tired of hearing people still call her by his last name, a name that I strongly feel she lost the rights to use the moment the divorce was finalized. If only there was a way to force them to stop being so damn lazy and get the appropriate paperwork filled out to make all the changes.
Many people keep the married
Many people keep the married name until they remarry. I kept my married name until I remarried. I have two children though and it was easier to do that. I just think that with remarriage it makes sense to take the new name or go back to a maiden name. I prefer married name. Life sometimes seems so complicated and in the scheme of things this shouldn't be an issue to get so ticked off about. Although I know how quickly I can get fired up about some of the little things that I think are just so wrong. I find when I get fired up about something I take the time to decide how to react instead of just "reacting" I usually make better decisions that way.
Focus on what makes you happy and spend as little time as possible worrying about the things that you can't control (and yes I need to heed my own advice) LOL!
I was all aboard the whole
I was all aboard the whole "doesnt really matter thing" about the exs keeping the last name after a divorce- just for the best interest of the kids... and of course, when a woman remarries she should change her name to appease her new husband.
What I was not expecting was a pregnant ex still using the married name...that babys going to be in the hospital with your partners name on it!! THATS CRAZY!
I wouldn't bother to correct
I wouldn't bother to correct it either, it just seems petty to me. I know who I am, that's good enough for me. Maybe she just doesn't care?
She doesn't care about
She doesn't care about anything but herself...that's the problem...
I kept my DD's last name and
I kept my DD's last name and hyphenated it with my DH's last name. Until I read this post, I never even thought of it any other way than as my DD's last name. I certainly never thought about how it affected my EH's new wife, and quite frankly, if she cares... She needs to grow up, not me change my name. It is my child's last name. It is a connection I have with my DD, should my DD change her last name when she gets married as an adult, I will drop the name.
Why do you feel such a
Why do you feel such a connection to the name? I never would have thought about keeping my ex husbands name. I have two bio sons with ex but didn't feel the need to keep the name. I would not do that to my husband now. Everytime he sees my name he would also see my ex's name. I know my sons, 19 and 17, would understand this and through the years I still have been called Mrs. (ex's name) by some of their friends. No big deal and understandable. Yes the children are a connection but they its not all about a last name. Just my opinion. I see it as a way of not letting go of the past and being a road block to the future and the future relationship.
My mother has been married to
My mother has been married to her second husband for 22 years, and still has my dad's last name. The only people who had a problem with it were the cruise ship reservation people.
It's not always a way of not letting go of the past, and being a road block to the future. Sometimes it's just not wanting to change a last name. Nothing more, nothing less.
I'm surprised her second
I'm surprised her second husband was okay with that. I don't think most men would be okay with that senario. I'd like to get some mens opinions on that one. Why would the cruise ship people care about the last name?
Knowing my stepdad, it's not
Knowing my stepdad, it's not surprising. His concerns about life are different than what my mother chooses as her last name. I myself have my first husband's last name, and even though DH doesn't like it, it's not so tragic that he can't see that my last name and committment to him are independent of each other.
I have no idea why the cruise ship had a problem. It was over 20 years ago, I wasn't there, so who knows.
So I take it you are not
So I take it you are not remarried? If that is the case will you keep your first husbands last name? if you remarry?
I've been married to my
I've been married to my second husband for 6 years, and have my first husband's last name.
I'm remarried, and kept my
I'm remarried, and kept my first husband's name for some time. Now it's hyphenated.
My DH didn't care.
In my case, my husband adores
In my case, my husband adores me and my daughter both, so very much, and never questioned why I would want to continue to have the same last name as her. When we got married the only problem any of us had (my DH, EH, DD, and myself) was that my poor DD could not understand why she wasn't hyphenating her name to include my DH's name as well.
That one got confusing...but
That one got confusing...but if it works for you that is great!
In our family's culture the
In our family's culture the child's last name being the same as the parent is a very big deal. I didn't see any reason to put any more stress on my DD by having a different last name. She had already been dragged through enough by her father and I making poor choices, there was no reason for me to cause her any worry over me having a different last name than her.
She sees the name as a huge connection, why would I change that?
There is so much more to this
There is so much more to this story. Credit issues with BM, bankrupcy that affected us 8 years ago that she hid and we ended up having to pay. So much more...It's just best if she did not have the same name and have anything associated to us. She also has a difficulty moving on with her life and would love to hold on to her past. She remarried, now divorce AGAIN, has another daughter and now has a different last name and should use IT! and leave us alone!
If BF ex never got remarried
If BF ex never got remarried I can understant why she would not have changed her name. But if she had and then goes back to using the other name sometimes don't you think there could be an issue there? She has had some major credit issues also and so I would prefer she stay away from the old married name. We get calls sometimes asking for her from collection agencies...in this case she is better sticking to her new married/divorced name
When we get calls from
When we get calls from collection agencies asking for BM and she has been remarried and divorced again and does have a new name than why wouldn't see use her new name and let people know. It seems really strange to me. I do not want any ties to her and having a different last name is one way to try to break away from any connection. She has caused us grief financially and so I think she should use her new married and now divorced name, not BF. It shouldn't be that complicated but sometimes other people make my life complicated and I have no control over their actions. So question is? Do I sit and continue to be walked on or do I speak up and defend myself? I usually don't say anything but I think this time its worth it. I just sent a note to the coach letting him know that her last name is different and what it is. Whether he corrects it or not is up to him. It was more of an FYI
The BM I deal with is more
The BM I deal with is more than a few fries short of a happy meal. The first time she was married she took his last name, when she divorced him she went back to her maiden name. Then she became engaged to another man, dumped him to marry my husband and took his last name. When she divorced him she kept his last name and I think it was because they had three children together. My husband and I were married,later that same year BM was remarried too. BM never took the 3rd husbands last name. She married him knowing he was terminally ill with cancer, not because she loved or cared for him, but because she was looking to get death bennefits from him to supplement her alimony which was about to end :jawdrop:
The best gratification I get is when the Judge addresses BM as Ms. not Mrs. I also loved it when or atty pretended to address me as Ms and then said "I'm sorry...Mrs." It irked the hell out of her
Good story...I do have to
Good story...I do have to admit that I would get some pleasure out of irky the BM...Im sure I irk her alot more than I will ever know :)I know that it's not right to feel this way...but...oh well.