This may be hard but please remember that this wedding is about your SS and his Finance - she wanted you in the wedding- it is her day and just try to ignore the bitchy ex-wife - if it gets to a point where you can't take it anymore than have a talk with your DH and SS and have them put her in her place almost to the point of telling her that if she can't behave she is not invited - considering that you and your DH are paying then I would say you have every right to have a pleasant evening and if she can't do that too bad on her.

Also the part about being married for 25 years and she is still a bitch is a very sad commentary on her life - can you imagine holding a grudge for over 25 years and not being able to let it go - it has to be eating a hole inside of her somewhere - so while it sucks to be dealing with this now - just remember every time she is being nasty that a little more of her is being eaten up inside and smile to yourself and go about your day - and quite frankly no matter what she says to the Finance it sounds like the girl has a good head on her shoulders and loves you enough to want you to be in the wedding so I would not worry about that relationship.

The best revenge is just to have a good time - so don't get caught up in her drama (I know easier said than done) and if she gets out of line then have your DH and SS put her in her place. Good luck and enjoy the wedding - it sounds like you SS and his Finance love you and really in the end that is all that matters - and as to your next question - NO THERE DOES NOT NEED TO BE ANY PHOTOS OF DH, HIS EX, and the NEW COUPLE - and if she tries that shit put your foot down - there is no need for it and quite frankly most of the wedding pictures today show the bio parents with their respective spouses and not the exes unless there is a huge family picture. Considering that the divorce rate is 66% it is actually kind of odd to find the couple that actually managed to stay together long enough to see their kids get married so the rules are all different about the wedding pictures!!

When and if my SS ever gets married and if they try to pull that shit at the wedding believe me I will be putting my foot down - it is ridiculous that these BM's feel that they need to fake it for the one day that their child is getting married - especially mine that cheated on my DH with many men - there will be no photo of just the bio parents. I am very lucky in that way that my BM knows she cheated - knows we know (even though she has now tried to re-write history - we have emails, pictures and taped phone conversations to refute her so she keeps pretty quite about the whole break up) she is just an utter bitch in many other cases that I can't wait until June 2012 and we are done with her.

You've been married 25 years and the ex is acting like this?? Ugh!!
It sounds like you and SS and his fiance all have a very good relationship. Ignore BM. This is about SS and his fiance, and NOT her. Weddings can be stressful times and some people aren't on their best behavior. Try to focus on the couple and their day, and if BM starts spouting, simply ignore her.

I fully agree with caregiver1127. BM is showing her true colors. SS and his Fiance will see her for the troublemaker she is. This is about SS and Fiance. Do NOT worry about what BM says about you. You're actions for the past 25 years are what matter, not what a resentful BM says, she's causing stress, not you. They see it.

I was recently married and I thank my divorced parents so much for the maturity and grace they showed throughout the entire wedding. Both my father and my step-father walked me down the isle and they both shared the father/daughter dance. I did not choose for my parents to divorce but by that choice I gained another father and mother figure and they were both honored in my wedding and a big part of the process. The wedding is about MY family and that includes everybody, not just the original persons.

If they want you in the wedding, ignore the BM. If they are concerned about her behavior then SS needs to make this clear to BM and define clear boundaries for her, not fiance, it's his mom, he needs to deal with her.

If the fiance is rethinking your position as Matron of Honor, because of the stress it is causing, then graciously accept this and simply support her. If she's not rethinking it, then no matter what BM is spewing it won't matter one bit to her and she will see through the hate!

I know how uncomfortable this feels, I have my own crazy Ex Wife/BM to deal with. I hate being around her and there is only so much I can take.

Maybe talk to the fiance and tell her how uncomfortable you are around BM, she's seen her explode, so she should understand completely. Let her know you are happy to support her in any way but maybe she could have separate jobs for you and BM. Then you won't really have to deal with BM until the day of and then it might not seem so overwhelming. One day is more manageable then having to deal with a person consistently for months before the event and then on the big day too.

But as a daughter of divorced parents your involvement and support means a lot to them! You can't change the BM in their life and you can't protect them from her drama, but you can be a peaceful calm for them to depend on.

After 25 years, I'm sure you know this. We are here for you whenever you need to vent. I often think I would never have exposed myself to this hateful vile person. But because my husband married her and had kids with her, I have to find a way to deal with something I would never willing put up with. Know your own boundaries, tell your SS and fiance what they are, because after all, we are human and we have limits, and finally find ways to recharge your batteries and make yourself feel good.

I wish you the best and you are doing a great job and the kids see that.