I would have walked straight out the door & not looked back. Red Flags are flying all over the place. Why would you put up with being treated like a second class citizen?

It will only change if your BF wants it to. I am in the same situation with my DH and SD...until someone from the outside looking in calls him on it he sees nothing wrong with it because in his eyes she is still 5 years old. My 11 yr old SD only weighs about 70 lbs so her being small makes it even harder for him to see her as a young lady not a little child. DH and his mom seem to hold on to this child not growing up. It will only stop when BF acknowledges that there needs to be a change...and from what I have read on here...sometimes it never happens. We can only hope for the best right?? Good luck to you...many of us know how difficult it is to deal with so we're here for you when you need us!

NO.BED.EVER. That is your dealbreaker. She doesn't sleep with your BF.

I have the same problem with sd 9. Will pick up remote and do the same thing. Still needs dad to lay with her at nite, since I will not let her in our bed. Half the time dad falls asleep in her bed because she can stay up half the nite. UGH!!! Been married 8mnts now, bd says we are making progress NOT!!!! also, she will hang all over him, kinda makes me sick!!! BM-BIG LOSER-We have custody and visitation is at BM schedule-aka when she is not messed up are in jail!! see big time trouble with this kid. dh is a guiltzilla so we indulge a spoiled brat on a daily basis. You need to express your concerns to your bf and if there is no change RUN LIKE HELL........I thought this family needed a good woman in their lives, but did not realize that a crazy bitch-bm-already ran the place or her well trained mini me did.
love my husband but did not count on the CRAP from these 2. bm is a master manipulator and sd has learned well, they push dh's buttons and watch him react. bm calls if she has to fart-sick of it.

Another thing I've seen and come to realize that one of the major problems is that these kids have absolutely no respect for their Step parents...Partly this is to blame on the father/mother who doesn't demand that their children respect their SO and also the personality of the child. I know that at the age these girls are at 10 and up and even younger maybe who try and sleep in the bed with their father and hang all over them like "He is mine and you are not getting any of his attention" is pure jealousy and attention seeking and that is their personality. Some people/kids have absolutely no filter between what is appropriate and what is not and unfortunately my SD is one of them who is filterless....she is the most rude, socially unacceptable, and inappropriate kid I have ever seen...I think my DH knows..he even appears to be uncomfortable with it lately but he doesn't do much about it and he is afraid to reject her and make her mad because he can't deal with drama that will follow. Manipulation at its finest...

I agree, my dh seems to be terrified of bm and sd's DRAMA. I believe firm rules need to be put in place from the start........wish i had came to this site before getting married!!! I have a well adjusted 14yr. old but this sd-is an alien child to me, i know a certain amount of jealousy is normal but this outright manipulation is a result of years of bm's antics.

"He says if he challanges her there is a huge scene - "

He's afraid of a 12 year old.... uhhh attractive. Honey, cut your losses and leave now.

Given the red flags and how you are taking all this, I would say leave before you have to deal with much more difficult issues. If this gets to you, the rest will be unbearable.

Hi,
My step-daughter was the same and it went onfrom 4 til about 7. I've said it loads on here but aged 6 I said "why does Dad sleep in that big room with me?" (Tryin to help her grasp that I'm the bloody adult here!) She said "because there isn't enough room in my small bed for both of us!". NO LITTLE LADY! Had the same thing-id go out the room and turn a second and she'd be there. Admittedly, 12 is quite old for thAt and from my experience it looks like a bumpy road ahead. I wouldn't walk right away but I'd lay the law down with your fella. Explain the situ and see if he is going to man up or not. Its highly likely that like most men, he won't see it! Or "what are you implying??" May leap out and he may take great offence. I would be open and honest from the get go or I would cut my losses. Take It from people who've lived it as step parents (without sounding patronising). Just behaviour like that isn't going to dissolve with a short telling off from dad. It'll be YEARS!

Equally, you can put her in her place? (My option) but be prepared for further manipulation "Dad, she just called me names (tears) and that she wants me to leave (more crocodile tears) I don't waant to come here anymore". As dad hugs her she'll look up at you with a sneer on her face like you see in the films...yep, its real, people do actually do it ha ha. Work out what you want from your relationship and a future with your blokey. It could be an easy solved issue (in that case you lucky mare) but equally this little girl may not let go of her daddy without a fight!! Good luck xxx

Are you 24? Just guessing by your name. Regardless, even if you're older....please run, far far away from this man. Find a man who doesn't have kids. They're out there!! They MUST be. Fall in love with THAT guy.

Because if you tangle yourself up with this guy, you will spend the rest of the relationship putting him first and wrapping your life around his, while his children are forever before you. No matter that its not their fault...it just is.

I love my husband. I do....but in order for me to remain sane and married to him, I must tolerate his daughter every other week FOREVER. Or until he decides to move her in full time. He expects me to wrap my life around THEM and I'm made to feel guilty when I don't want to.

Please PLEASE just realize that you are in a NO WIN situation here.

I think that by the time we come to this site to vent...its too late. We're sucked into these relationships. But you...you're not living together, your just dating. START DATING SOMEONE ELSE.

Please, for the love of GOD I beg you....RUUUUUNNNNN!

Ugh my SD's are like this also and there's TWO of them (9 and almost 11). They also lay all over "daddy" and have to be holding his hand all the time and commandeering the TV. He can't even go to the bathroom without them asking "Where's my daddy? When's he gonna be done? Why's he taking so long?" etc. They are basically like his mini-girlfriends. I understand though that I am a threat to them and so they feel like they need to reinforce their position in his life. At least thats what I hope it is. However, DH makes sure that he hugs me and holds my hand in front of them as well so they understand that we are a couple and I ain't going nowhere and to also reassure me of my place in the family.

I do agree with TheBrightSide though. If you are a young spring chicken, go find yourself a man without baggage and you will save yourself from all this drama you see on these boards.

I feel your pain completely... I've been w/boyfriend for 2 years, since his daughter was 5. She is big for 7, too (bigger than my 9-y.o., actually) so the sight of her HANGING on him like a 2-y.o. is extra disturbing. She crawled into bed w/him & me the other day. He still helps her in the shower. The list goes on and on. She is so immature and manipulative. Almost NOTHING comes out of her mouth if it isn't whining. She walks away from me when I'm TALKING straight to her FACE. I tell her no to something, so she asks him (TOTAL no-no; let me find out one of my BDs asks their dad, or any other adult, for something I already said no to, or vice-versa!) Nothing I ever do (amusement, food, etc.) is good enough for her, and what does she do? Whines to him about it. He sides with her. She's slowly steering me from a level of tolerance to complete and total resentment.