Stepdaughter is pregnant and is telling her Dad I'm going to be jealous
This nightmare with Shelbi, my stepdaughter, is ongoing and nuts. She is extremely disrespectful, seems to have no conscience and obviously has serious mental health issues. She has already physically attacked me once and tells me all the time that she will do whatever it takes to make sure her father doesn't actually marry me (Sam and I are engaged, but the wedding was put on hold after my mother passed in Feb of this year).
I have taken to leave her completely alone. I don't do a damn thing for her. Nothing. I don't because I know that no matter what I do or buy her, she will simply turn around and 'dump' all over me (don't think I can use the one word I mean here.. lol). I know this may sound like I'm being terribly unfair, but I've already tried to do the friendly bonding thing, and all that came of it was I spent a lot of money I didn't have. I tried to be 'there' for her if she had problems, but most of the time she just looked at me and said 'you aren't my mother so shut up'. So fine then.. I'm done.
Oh but NOW... at the nice ripe age of 15, she is pregnant. We just found out yesterday. KNow what she is doing now? Telling her father that I'm going to be jealous of her because she will get to be a mother where I have been unable in my life to carry to term. Now how *&!tty is that?
I have already made up my mind that since she wanted to get pregnant so badly, that she can just do for herself. I'm not going to help with anything for the baby, nor for her. I feel since she has obviously determined she is grown up enough to get pregnant and want a baby, then she is grown up enough to do for herself.
Here is my question: Am I being selfish? Part of me feels like I'm doing the right thing, but the other part says I'm being a royal B with an 'itch'. And her comments about my being 'jealous' are just sad, to me, but now I feel like Sam will be thinking the same no matter what I do.
Ok, thats kinda what I was
Ok, thats kinda what I was thinking too. I had the thought that NOW is the time that I make MYSELF busy doing the things I love, and living MY life for ME. I love her father to death, but I know that Shelbi getting pregnant is HIS fault as much as shelbi's. He knew she was sexually active and I told him long ago she was trying to get pregnant on purpose. He didn't believe me nor did he get her on the depo shot like I strongly urged him to do. I have also told Sam repeatedly, and I'll reinforce it when necessary, that I'm NOT the live-in babysitter.
Though to be honest with you, I have a bad feeling that Sam and I will end up with custody of and raising the child ourselves. shelbi won't even get herself up for school and is a nightmare to try to get up. But for now, I'm just going to concentrate on myself because no one else is going to help me but me, and I know this.
I still don't know how to deal with the jealousy remark. Its really got me floored.
No, I don't think she did it
No, I don't think she did it out of spite for me. I'm pretty sure she was trying this even before I arrived on the scene. But I gave up trying to teach her what her mother obviously didn't. See, Sam is not totaly to blame for her horrid behavior. He has only had full custody of her for about two years. He has oft times said that her mother ruined her, and that he didn't think anything was going to help her. He said he has tried counseling to no avail, tried the medications that she refused to take, and even tried to have her committed to a mental health facility for young adults but that her insurance woudln't pay for it unless she put someone in the hospital. (can you believe that????) Yes, its his fault she is pregnant. He had ample time and warning to do something to prevent it. But her behavior no.
Although I will say this: She interferes a LOT in mine and Sam's relationship by constantly being the whisperer in Sam's ear.. and she is so coniving and so manipulative... you just have no clue.. she has it down to a science! It doesn't work on me, she knows it. Thats ONE reason she hates me, because she can't manipulate me like she does everyone else.
"I still don't know how to
"I still don't know how to deal with the jealousy remark. Its really got me floored"
I have learned that teenage girls and SD especially, are down right mean ass bitches and will say or do anything to hurt you or to try to drve a wedge between you and husband...Just ignore it. It hurts to much to try to figure out why they hate you.
Or if she says it again...ask her what you are jealous about exactly...and bring up all the difficults that come form being a teen mom...lol "oh yes I would love to be 15, homeless, jobless, on welfare, and being called mommy at 15, yep you got me on that one"
It sounds to me like your SD
It sounds to me like your SD is the one who is jealous, of you. That is the reality no one is supposed to notice IMO!!
She will get hers if she keeps and raises this baby. I would not lift one finger, since SD is so obnoxious and knows everything.
Definitely do not be a babysitter!! She chose to have a baby, she needs to take care of it, or either grow up and treat you with respect - which is free, by the way!! so she can't say she can't do it.
"Or if she says it
"Or if she says it again...ask her what you are jealous about exactly...and bring up all the difficults that come form being a teen mom...lol "oh yes I would love to be 15, homeless, jobless, on welfare, and being called mommy at 15, yep you got me on that one"
ROFL!!! Oh HELL yeah!! I should do just that!! thats a good one, truly!
Unfortunately she knows how
Unfortunately she knows how babies come out.. she watches that '16 and pregnant' show all the time.. so she knows. BUT... I don't think she realizes what its going to do to her body, and I'm not gonna tell her. She will just tell me 'so?' and just doesn't 'get it.' She has no clue that her freedom is going to be absolutely GONE when that kid arrives, and as she gets further along in her pregnancy, her friends will dwindle to nothing.. as she isn't going to be feeling like going out and doing all the stuff she once did.. and her friends will. They will have the slender bodies, and be unencumbered.. she will learn. The hard way. And in the meantime, I think I'm going to start doing belly dancing classes (GREAT excercise) and taichi.. and lose weight.. and while she is miserable and huge, I'm going to be thinner and have tons of energy.. while she sits here at home wondering where all her friends are, I'm going to invite mine over and have fun. And I've decided if Sam doesn't like it he can suck an egg. This isn't MY mess she is in, its hers.. I'm just wondering what Sam is going to say about it all when it comes to a head.
And this is in response to
And this is in response to her 'Marquette is going to be jealous of me...' crap. I'm going to show her how NOT jealous I am.. I know this all may sound petty, but I'm so totally floored that she would think it..
Even if you were jealous, it
Even if you were jealous, it does not excuse her behavior. You have not displayed abusive behavior toward her. I would not get attached to the baby, she'll use her child as a bargaining chip (probably learned that trick from the BM!) Just sit back and watch, she'll eat her words one day. In the meantime, set another wedding date, and ignore her as much as possible. Be happy and strong, be your fiancee's respite from the mess that is his biodaughter and her drama.
Ok so a friend of Sam's, who
Ok so a friend of Sam's, who just happens to be a dhs worker, is supposedly helping Sam by getting counseling for us all, and has the paperwork for sam to fill out where if shelbi keeps up what she is doing (we hear any more of her drinking or smoking pot) Sam can sign those papers and she goes to a juvenile facility that is for pregnant teens, she will stay till the baby is born, dhs takes custody of the baby (I would assume that means the baby would presented to us, first) and she doesn't get the baby back till she has a job, a home and all her drug tests and such come back clean, has had parenting classes and dhs approves it all.
Now, this sounds like great news, but my worry is whether or not Sam will actually do this if its needed. The reason I say this is because I know how he has let her get away with stuff in the past.. I guess we will see. :/
No you are not selfish and
No you are not selfish and why didn't your fiance say anything to her about her comment?
I wasn't in the car, and for
I wasn't in the car, and for all I know he could have. But Sam's moto is 'just ignore it' when it comes to some of the things she says. I think he believes that if he doesn't give it any attention, she will not keep making the comment. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.