Now on Day 3 without showers...
SS12 and SS7 are here for the summer. The eldest is one of the nastiest, smelly creatures I have crossed paths with. I fault his trifling mother who (for years) let him be dirty, wear unclean clothes to school, not wash his hands before going in the fridge/pantry or before meals, etc... SS7 (he'll be 8 in a month) is so immature that he doesn't know how to turn the shower on by himself or pick out his own clothes. (WTF) I have suspected for months that SS12 only turns the water on, but doesn't really wash.
I wonder how long it will be. In the meantime, I feel like a voodoo priestess because I'm burning candles and incense at all times, trying to fight the funk that is taking over my home...
Why are some BM's so nasty? And why don't some H's/BD's seem to notice how trifling their children are>
Because I'm tired of being
Because I'm tired of being the villain in my home. I told their father. That should be enough. He needs to take action from this point on. I simply will not continue to "co-parent," only to have his children throw me under the bus, so I can end up in a pissing match with a child, trying to convince my husband I have not mistreated his brats.
Until HE steps up or gives me the greenlight to co-parent (all the time, not just when he wants to), candles and incense it shall be.
I can't believe the dad won't
I can't believe the dad won't step up and make him take showers. I would basically go on strike until the dad steps up. No more cooking dinners, no more doing laundry, no more sex. I guarantee you he will step and do something about it then.
I totally get what you are
I totally get what you are saying!
I have a SS12 and SS9 (soon to be 10) and they will not shower unless they are told to shower - and argue with you for 10 minutes about it.
SS12 smells horrible and comes inside from shooting baskets on a 90 degree day, plops his sweaty butt down on the couch and starts to watch TV - stinking up the entire room. I can't say anything about it or I am picking on him. His bed smells like a dog kennel too.. their dog sleeps with him every night. He's a "water dog" and has natural oils in his coat that repel water.. well they also stink and get all over the sheets. I point it out to DH and get told I am mean for not wanting the "boy" to sleep with "his dog"... Ok, then wash his smelly ass sheets your self. Not my problem. Needless to say, the door to his room stays closed because of the stench.
SS9 smells too. He is an overweight slob that eats like a toddler - meaning food on face, hands, table clothes, etc. Won't shower without a fight. I also suspect he just turns on the water and doesn't use soap. He has even had a rash in his private area from dirt rubbing against fat because he doesn't wash there either.
I hate always having to be the one that says things about cleanliness. I'm the bad guy. I'm the over worried step-bitch. Well, in a normal non-divorced home the mom does the same damn thing and she is just "being a mom"... but when you are a step-parent everything is scrutinized and you are the bad guy.. total BS.
I'm sick of it. I tell their dad and it's a 50/50 split depending on if he's too lazy to enforce a shower or if he feels like fighting the fight. If I point out "they haven't showered in 2 days and they stink" and he says he will get them to shower and doesn't... then I get frustrated because I feel like my "wants" (like a nice smelling home) are being ignored. This leads to resentment - resentment against him for being a slacker and resentment towards the S-kids for causing the issue to begin with..
Plain and simple.. you just can't win.
I can relate. I told GG that
I can relate. I told GG that Prince Hygiene was continually taking soapless showers in which he's squat down and just play with the drain for 30 minutes not unlike a 3 year old would (he was almost seven at the time)
GG couldn't care less that he was running the water for 30 minutes without washing.
I started to burn sage and put salt in front of the door. Priestess rituals help you get back the feeling of control over what happens in your own home! I also have a few banishing mantras that I repeat as well. Helps me keep the sanity while the damacles sword of skids PASing out then threatening to come back to cause more havoc dangles in the wind.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am over
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am over here in TEARS, imagining your skid playing with the drain. LMAO! It wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so true.
I tell you what: Going through this experience shows me a glimpse of what the awful adults I've met over the years must have been like as children and why they are the way they are. Smh...
I see it this way...like many
I see it this way...like many parents, you'll clean your own child's nose, change the diaper, etc....smell your baby's feet etc...I personally dont think BM/BD's see their kids as stinky. It must be an adjustment to smelling their kids. One time I was in my car with my BF and his teens. And from the moment we left the house to go into the car, there was this most nastiest smell in the car where I practically almost vomitted!!!! The BF couldnt smell what i was smelling neither did the kids smell it. When I turn around to get something under my seat, I realized its SS10 fingers because he had them in his MOUTH!!!!! His breath and fingers created this nasty FUNK! Boy, was I so nauseas. Then to only realize whatever he touches, the funk stays behind! Point is, the BF failed to smell his BS stinky fingers! It's like they dont smell or see certain things as gross when it really is.
LMAO! Oh gosh... You guys are
LMAO! Oh gosh... You guys are on a ROLL today! Belly laughs all around...
I couldn't take it today. I put on my StepBitch hat and told the little buggers to WASH THEIR ARSES! I'm tired of it. Do you know what SS12 said? "Well I didn't know you meant for us to shower when you said get dressed."
Stop. Lying. You did know. Both his father and I have had the conversation with him about what it means to "get dressed." It does NOT mean to simply put on more clothes. WASH! How is that hard?
I completely understand your
I completely understand your frustration! My SS is almost 13 and his room stinks to high hell! Wow! I too think he takes a soapless shower or at times uses soap in some places and none in others. Yours sounds like mine!!!
At this point I would take a
At this point I would take a soapless shower. I don't think he even gets IN the shower. I just think he runs the water. Yuck!
I e-mailed H about it and he seems like he's pissed at them for being filthy. We'll see...
My ss has gone 7 days at our
My ss has gone 7 days at our house with no shower. No lie. He has gone a month at our home without brushing his teeth. He's 13. He's seriously foul. He also wets himself every night and still doesnt bother to shower. This was during my complete disengagement years. However, I have turned over a new leaf. I dont care about ss's hygiene when he is not at our house-if he never wants to bathe at bm's I dont care-but in MY house you are not going to make others smell your funk any longer. I have told my dh pointedly that he needs to work on this with ss-that he needs to make him shower and brush his teeth EVERY DAY he is here. And I have told him if he does not then I will not hesitate to tell him myself and that I have no problems very bluntly telling him he smells. So far so good. Dh bought him yet another new toothbrush-told him he is not allowed to take it to bm's (he takes EVERYthing we purchase him to bm's)and he told him he is to use it daily. I told him twice last visit to take a shower. He refused both times. I went to dh told him his son smelled bad and he come up and made him shower. On the most recent visit-I awoke on Sunday morning to find ss13 in the shower!!!!! I have no idea if he actually used soap or not-but ladies this is a huge victory-I cannot remember one other occassion EVER that this child has willingly on his own got in the shower.
Seriously-stop caring if dh says your picking on him. I used to say that to-I didnt want to hear dh say that to me so I am shutting my mouth-but this is your home too and you have a right to have a stink free zone. If dh doesnt want to hear you "pick on" his son-the solution is very simple for your dh-all he needs to do is make your ss shower.
By the way I do agree with the above poster-that some men are just clueless. When I first broached this subject with my dh about 6 weeks ago-he had NO clue that my ss was not bathing, brushing his teeth, and was still wetting the bed. He does not have much of a sense of smell due to years of smoking and he jsut assumed that ss was doing these things independently at his age-because all the other kids do so for the most part (they are 13, 12, and 9). I do remind my two youngest to brush their teeth at times, but that's about it-but they all shower independently and my 13 year old girl would rather die than go more than 1 day without a shower or brushing her teeth.
You could also try the tactic that you are really afraid that the otehr kids at school will make fun of ss and ostracize him because of his odor. And it's just your deep concern and love for him that makes you encourage him to have good hygiene.