It's tough isn't it? Since SD will be 18 in a few years, why don't you start looking forward to her going off to college, planting that seed in her head now, and pray that she won't want to move back home. I know four years is a long time, but nobody wants her so she's pretty much stuck there because you can't put her out on the streets. Bottom line is that nobody wants to live w/a trouble maker. And just their presence can make you miserable because everytime you look at them, you're reminded of all the crap they've pulled. Try to find a way to ride out the next few years.

I've been there, trust me. My SD is 27 and still lives w/us. Just last night she was talking to DH and I walked away because she annoys the living !@@ out of me just hearing her voice. I've tried to get past it, but I can't seem to because I don't like her.

In her case as well, BM didn't want her living w/her, so she's been w/DH for the last 15 years. When we got married, I moved in with them and it's been a nightmare. Before I moved in, she went to college, moved back home to get an advanced degree, and is still here. Don't let this happen to you. Set the rules before she leaves for college. Had SD been my BD, she would have been gone a long time ago. Fortunately she's supposedly looking for a place and is getting married next year. If DH allows her to move back home for any reason other than sickness, I'm prepared to end my marriage.

I have made it clear that I want her to go
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Where would she go?

I understansd your feelings! I miss the times when SS didn't live with us! It's horrible to say, but it is truely how I feel! I can't stand when he comes home and says hi and the eye rolling begins! Just like you said....I cannot stand to sit at the same table with him and have to watch him eat, have him but his nose into OUR conversation (I tell him that this conversation does not involve you) The smell of his rrom, the messiness! On and on!!! What has your SD done? Not judging, just wondering!!!!

Sounds like you two need to start looking up some military schools for her to attend. A co-worker of mine did this to his teenage son. Just had the school come to the house and pick him up. After about 6 months they let him come back home and he is way more respectful and appreciative of his parents. Just a though....

I can relate to how you are feeling. Your SD sounds a lot like my SD and it's similar to my situation.

My SD came into my life unexpectedly. I tried to be very welcoming and accommodating, but her attitude and behavior made me truly hate her. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but when someone threatens my family and is hateful to me and my son, I react defensively.

The situation we were in with her living in our home was no way to live and my husband's daddy guilt was no reason to subject his family to this girl 24/7. It was not helping her or anyone else, just prolonging things so he could pretend he was being a father when he truly wasn't.

My situation is a very long story, but my SD's was living with her grandmother, who passed away last year and we got stuck with her. She was 14 then (now 15) and an absolute nightmare - uncontrollable, will not follow even the simplest rule, will not listen to me or even treat me with the smallest amount of respect, nearly failed 9th grade and she tries controls everyone with her tantrums and violent outbursts.

We’ve run out of things to do with her. Therapy has been useless.

I will not allow her in my home, disrupting my live or my son and stepsons lives unless her behavior improves. We simply shouldn’t have to live like this because of this girl. I’m sorry for what happened to her, but when other children’s well-being is at stake, you have to make sacrifices.

For the summer, my husband was guilted into letting her return to her home town and live with her older half-sister. I wanted to send her to a camp for troubled youth, but daddy guilt prevented it.

But finally there is peace and quiet at our home and our kids don’t need to spend the summer subjected to her tantrums, attitude and hatred.

If SD wants to return to our home, we have created a list of requirements which includes written and verbal apologies and signing a House Rules Contract that we have put together that clearly outlines the rules, expectations and consequences.

It’s doubtful she will agree to follow the rules or agree to accept the consequences when she doesn’t. She does not think rules apply to her.

If things don’t work out at her sister’s, then we have looked into placing her into a therapeutic boarding school where she can get the help she needs before she ends up like her BM.

I wanted to send her to a military school because she needs someone to teach her discipline, respect and how to obey rules. There are boot camp style programs for troubled youths that will do that (I wish she was at one of those now), but military high schools will not accept kids who don’t want to be there and will expel them if they cause trouble and not refund your tuition. With out of control SDs, I can see that easily happening.

But my advice is that there is no reason that your family should be subjected to a teenager who is causing nothing but conflict and making your home a living hell. Find someone else who can take her or some place she can get the help she needs, since continuing to stay in your home is not going to help her and it will damage the other children.