How to get over it
So this morning I was ticked off and wrote I hate being a stepmother...and nothing has changed.
But, How do you the stepparents get over this...I work and have a decent job (college educated, MS and everything) I make a pretty good living. My husband works and makes a deent living, he pays $1,000 in child suport, medical and dental insurance, and all medical bills, and the numerous court fees from always going becasue ex-wife is a nut job. Becasue we also have the children every other week all year long we have to buy groceries for a family of 5 ( We have a 3 month old together), and clothes and all the other things you do for children......My thing is we have to hear all the time " this house isn't fun, my mom will buy me what I want, why do you buy clothes for us at the thrift store instead of at the stores new like my mom does, we have fun at my mom's, why can't we go to the movies and go out to dinner over here, why can't we go on vacation over here, my mom bought me a new bedroom set, my mom bought me a new_______(fill in the blank).It's like a competition,we cannot afford to do all the extra things their mother and her boyfriend are able to do. It hurts though becasue I want to vacation, I would love to do things for them and give them some of those luxuaries...it's just not possible we are on a very tight budget and we don't so any extras...we don't eat out, we don't go on shopping sprees, or out to the movies, we have a modest home, and pay our bills on-time. I feel bad becasue I wish I could do these things, but it seems like we are the bad parents becasue we can't do the extras...why is this okay? Why is the system so skewed?
I'm sorry but your DH is
I'm sorry but your DH is paying $1,000 a month and you guys have 50/50? That's insane!
It really is...and I am all
It really is...and I am all for the children being taken care of, but at what expense
Sheesh do we eat dog food so they live good at mom's?
jenw they won't have a better
jenw they won't have a better appreciation for you, instead they'll resent you even more... at least that's what it's like in my neck o' the woods!
Ain't this the truth. My
Ain't this the truth. My skids all act like we are loaded since me and their mom work fulltime jobs. Heaven forbid their ungrateful little asses get (and KEEP) fulltime jobs and learn to provide for themselves. They have no clue of how much anything in this world costs because they are too used to having everything handed to them.
I just have so much
I just have so much resentment because here I am not spending a penny and thinking about the future...becasue we have to pay for college for the two of them too...and as always we are the bad guys. Just makes me sick to my stomach.
OMG. What state do you live
OMG. What state do you live in that she gets THAT much money?
We live in Florida and my FDH
We live in Florida and my FDH pays 1200 a month and we have them half of the time as well. He also pays for all medical and dental for them. And he makes a decent living but not a lot.
They also talk about how mom gets them anything they want. And she does. They work for nothing at her house, no chores, no responsibilities etc. Our house is night and day from hers.
It amazes me how skewed the system is. I realize for yrs prior to the late 70's early 80's. Men walked away from their families with little to no recourse. But do we need to go to the other end of the spectrum?
Well luckily our BM has a
Well luckily our BM has a job. I explain all of those things about how they have a home and tv and internet, but even from my own perspective and it makes me sad that we work everyday and can't do any of the fun extras every once in a while.Like mom just took them to Disney World...sigh...I would love to treat them from time to time. I know it won't always be like this becasue if we stay the course we will one day be debt free, but man to hear them whispering in their bedrooms at night...man daddy and stepmother are poor...I hate coming over here...sadens me
As much as I wish the child
As much as I wish the child support was less becasue of the living arrangements I understand wanting to provide for your children....if I was a BM or divirced mother I would want my children taken care of too....but man banlkrupt one family so the otehr is ok...no cool. They live better with her divorced than they did as a family under the same roof....Oh and we live in Ohio they go by guidelines doesn't matter if they have shared parenting goes by income
I understand your
I understand your frustration. The only thing I would advise (unless you have some way of revamping the current system), is trying to find FREE or CHEAP things in the area to do instead.
The skids want to go to a movie? Go to the library, rent a DVD, pop some popcorn (popping it yourself is WAY cheaper than microwave popcorn) and have some cheap drinks - maybe lemonade.
There are tons of ways to create good memories, even if the skids are being brought up as greedy little shits. I talk from experience.
Great ideas skylarksms!
Great ideas skylarksms! Thanks. The little things that count!
I got out of the "arms race"
I got out of the "arms race" a long time ago. I am a step-father, and we have always had SD17 the majority of the time. We've taken her to Disneyworld, on a cruise (with another scheduled next year), and other trips. DW always dresses SD in the latest clothes, and buys her pretty much whatever she wants. Anytime a movie comes out that SD17 wants to see, DW takes her.
You would think that SD17 would at least appreciate all of this a little, but she doesn't. She is ENTITLED to all of those things; it is a problem is she does not get them, but if she does get them, it doesn't count for anything positive. However, her perfect bio-daddy never gets her anything, and that is just fine. In fact, if perfect bio-daddy took a shit on the floor, SD would be so appreciative that she'd would pick up the turd and turn it into the central religious artificat in her daddy-worshiping religion. PUKE