How long does it take for men to let go of grown daughters financially?
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My now husband is going to pay off the mortgage on his home (that his married daughter and children live in) and deed the home over to his three children so they can have their inheritance now instead of later.
Does the giving ever stop?
BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!! I DID
BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!! I DID THIS WITH MY OLDEST SON. MARRIED AFTER RAISING MY CHILDREN ALONE. GAVE HIM THE HOUSE THAT WAS PAID OFF BEFORE I REMARRIED. I COULD HAVE CONTINUED TO USE IT AS RENTAL INCOME TO SUPPLIMENT MY OWN LIFE BUT WAS A FOOL TO GIVE HIM AND THE NEW WIFE THE HOUSE THINKING HE WAS IN HIS LATE 20'S AND HE WOULD APPRECIATE THE EARLY INHERITANCE. FIRST THING THEY DID WAS TAKE OUT EQUITY LOANS ,DID A LOT OF TRAVELING, AND SHE WENT BACK TO SCHOOL BECAUSE WITH NO HOUSE PAYMENT SHE DID NOT HAVE TO WORK. FAST FORWARD 5 YEARS----THEY SOLD THE HOUSE. THEY WALKED AWAY WITH 10 THOUSAND DOLLARS. NOW SHE HAS A PHD, HE HAS A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA. THE YEAR SHE GOT HER PHD SHE WAS HISTORY-MOVED ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER CROWD OF FRIENDS. I STILL HAD TO PROVIDE HIM WITH HOUSING SO MY GRANDCHILD WOULD HAVE A DECENT PLACE TO LIVE UNTIL SHE GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL.[MY SON'S CHILD FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE} THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH STEPS. IT IS ALWAYS A MISTAKE TO SPEND A LIFETIME SACRIFICING FOR YEARS TO PAY OFF A MORTGAGE THEN THINK THE KIDS WILL TAKE THIS FREE GIFT AND USE IT WISELY. GREATER VALUE IS PLACED ON THE THINGS WE HAVE WORKED HARD AND PUT THE EFFORT INTO ACHIEVING. WHEN IT COMES FREE IT SEEMS TO GET SQUANDERED. THINK OF ALL THE LOTTERY WINNERS WHO BLOW THEIR CHANCE OF A LIFETIME WITHIN A FEW SHORT YEARS.
So does that mean the SD and
So does that mean the SD and kids will remain there, or are they selling the house and splitting the money???? DH and I have already decided that the house we have now and will eventually own will be the nest egg we live off when we retire. It looks like DH is supporting SD21 until she finishes her education at around 25. With a younger skid as well, this soon adds up to a lot of money !!! Also, we are planning to have a family too, again expensive.... I do not see a future where there will be an " inheritance " for the future generation. People are living longer and now your retirement may actually be like 30 years or so. Does anyone else think like that??
Lynette, When my DH gave SD a
Lynette, When my DH gave SD a coin collection worth thousands of dollars I never even heard her say, "thank you." She's entitled to it, you know. Mustang1 brought up a good point - how has he provided for you? I knew a woman who had to go to court to keep her own house from greedy Skids.
According to my bf's
According to my bf's misplaced guilt and his mother's constant bad advice and adding to the guilt, "it must never stop, because it is a parent's job to do what their kids want." In my case, there are 3 Askids, all of whom are nasty and selfish, but his mother believes that one day they will wake up, because by giving them things, it shows he loves him. :jawdrop: I mentioned to her that we are (well now it seems we were bc I think I am leaving soon) planning to get my name on the deed to the house he just bought, and life insurance policies on each other only. His mom said that was a bad idea, because the kids deserve it all. She won't allow them in her home, but I guess it is ok that I could be on the streets. He doesnt really listen to her crap, but I know she makes him feel guilty.
Lynnette, I guess the only bright side of this is you are dealing it with now, and they can't fight over the house later. This should be more than enough now, your husband should now focus on you and him.
Sandye, my bf never hears thank you's. Same thing-entitlement. His 3 only call when they want something. I could SO see them trying to throw me out of this house if something happened to him. Then they would lose it, bc they dont feel they have to work.
My husband said he has my
My husband said he has my name on his IRA. Honestly, I don't care that he is giving them the house but I suspect it won't stop there and that is what truly bothers me. I know he feels guilty for "not being there" when they were little because he worked away and drank beer back then to cope with personality conflicts with his ex. He provided a very good living for his children and his ex. Since he owns the home and his daughter lives there ...then his ex is, so to speak, only allowed there by his good graces. He said himself that is what he kind of hates to give up by giving the "kids" the home..he called it "the hammer" If it would truly stop his dropping $600 and $1,000, anytime they said "Daddy" (so tiresome with them in 20's and 30's). He blames himself by saying he didn't do them or their spouses any favors because they were so spoiled growing up. His is a kind soul but sometimes I think, now that we are married, if we are going to pass it out...well I have a couple of adult children who do nicely on their own after working hard to get what they have and don't expect squat..maybe we should just pass it all around. I work and don't make near the income he does, though.
Obviously YOU just don't get
Obviously YOU just don't get it! You say this to a woman who has been marreid to her husband for 20 years. The first priority in a man's life should be his marriage. Do you honestly think that those kids have willed THEIR house to DH in case of their death? Strongly doubt it!