Husband with his head in the sand
I have been married to my husband for 5 years but together for 10. We have 4 young kids and a SD aged 20. Until very recently she lived abroad and my husband saw her once a year due to her vindictive mother keeping her away from him. The past 2-3 trips have been for a few weeks and not successful. They were stressful for all. Caused lots of arguments and were generally unpleasant. However SD turned up yesterday to stay for a year, my husband told me a week ago that this was what he and SD had planned - all last minute.
I am finding it really hard to adjust. My husband thinks me and SD should get on. Neither of us know each other and I know SD has been fed a load of lies about me by her mother. How do you talk to a 20 year old SD? I have been called selfish and a liar by my husband - just for trying to explain how I am feeling. He says I'm the one with the problem. But I feel there is a massive wedge between him and I and I don't like the man he is when SD is around. He's not tolerant of the kids, takes SD side if the kids are being a bit overexcited (they range in age from 7-1) and teases them, with her. When I point this out - I've got the issue.
This is the first time I have sought advice because I thought things would be better this time - as my husband thinks they will be.
Does anybody have a similar situation or has been through this and is out the other side? I would really appreciate some help.
Wait, he decided at the last
Wait, he decided at the last minute that his 20 yo daughter was moving in with you guys? Or she's just going to be living close by? There's a huge difference between the two, IMO. No way in hell would I go along with the former; the latter there isn't much you can do about.
She's going to live close by
She's going to live close by but hasn't left our apartment yet. do you think I'm being over sensitive? It's hard to tell as me and SD don't have a relationship.
No, you're not being too
No, you're not being too sensitive. Set a deadline for when she has to be out. If she's grown enough to move to another country, she's grown enough to get a job, apartment, and all the rest.
I'm sorry, but he only told
I'm sorry, but he only told you last week ??? That is awful and crazy, so they have been cooking this up behind your back !!! :jawdrop:
I am upping my vigilance after some of the scary stories on here with my SD21, not in the same country as us too, and I can see it leading down the same path as you are in, when she finishes her education in maybe 4 years !!!!
If my DH tried to sneek her back in I would be ALL over that and then some !!! Not in my home ever again, been there done that, been treated like poop for too long !!! Is she paying you guys rent ??? Is she working ??? I would want her out ASAP, old enough to livee somewhere else, and I expect live her own life....old enough to be in her own place !!! And you have a house full of little ones as well ??
That is madness, I would get a contract sorted out, as she IS already there. What a nightmare situation, I would threaten DH with the door too if she doesn't go soon !!!