Need help?! What can I do, if anything.
Some background. I've been living with my DH for 8 yrs, married for 5yrs. We've had a regular agreement in that time about when my SS comes to visit, every other weekend and 2-3 times in the week (plus any other times he fancies!) However, he's never got on that well with his BM and now that he's getting older it's even worse. They row all the time.
BM is mentally ill and been on tablets since he was born, she's always been very uncompromising, awkward, selfish and unreasonable but lately she's just been ridiculous. After smashing up SS's laptop and throwing a phone at him in a fit of rage she admitted she had run out of her meds so hadn't had any for 4 days but as far as we know she's been taking them since.
Last weekend though she flipped. She's kicked him out so he's now living with us along with his dog!!! I'm so stressed out about the situation, to suddenly have to cope with him living with us full time, along with his dog. I feel like no one is doing anything to try and resolve the situation as 1. she won't talk reasonably, she just yells all the time and 2. my DH obviously likes having his son about. I know it's a shame for my SS, he's in the middle of his exams. But surely it's his mother needs tackling? We've suggested counselling but she's locked herself in the house and won't talk to anyone, if you try she just starts f'ing and blinding away. You can't have a reasonable conversation with her. Not that I ever talk to her.
It's so frustrating as my whole life is being turned upside down and I don't get a say in any of it. I have this knot in my stomach constantly, I can't sleep, I feel like crap. I'm worried it will cause problems between me and DH. I just don't know what to do, if I complain I look like I'm being selfish but it's so maddening that I'm not taken into account of anything. It's my house too!
We're having to cancel our holiday now as there's no one to stay at home with him, I bet she just loves that! Should we try talking to her doctor or will that be a waste of time. Is there actually anything that can be done?! Can she just chuck her son out of his home?! The woman is a proper nutcase, I feel like I'll be going crazy soon as well. 
I probably haven't explained this well but my head is all over the place.
Agree.
Agree.
I agree too.
I agree too.
OMG! That poor kid! I feel so
OMG! That poor kid! I feel so bad for him! I can't imagine putting my own amazing sons through that. He must feel so torn and awful!
I'm sorry this is turning your life upside down, and I'd be stressed about that, too. Poor SS though! He has to get out of there. She's abusing him!
He's got to get out! He's going to be scarred for life and get some horrible woman who mistreats him and end up paying CS and putting up with some psycho BM of his own children.
I do agree that he's better
I do agree that he's better off in our house and I know it's selfish of me to be pissed off. I never wanted children, just happened to fall in love with someone who already had one. We get on fine though, there has never been any animosity between us and I think he sees me as a friend, but I can't go as far as be a loving parent, as that's just not in me I'm afraid. I shall just be understanding and objective.
I had a long think yesterday and told DH that if this is how things are then I just have to get on with it. My SS is 16 in a week (I'll be interested to see what if anything she does about his birthday!!) So he's not a little kid but he's still not an adult. She's such a selfish cow as he's right in the middle of his exams.
The holiday wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't the fact that it's a big family holiday with my parents who are in their 70's. It's taken a couple of years to get everyone together and I doubt we will ever take a family holiday again. Thankfully my MIL has managed to get time off work and she's coming over to look after SS. I don't want the mad BM to win and ruin my parents holiday (or my marriage come to that!!)
I do feel very sorry for my SS, it's not his fault his mother is mental. We've decided we're just going to ignore her, no contact at all and see what she does. Surely she will miss her son at some point and get in touch?!?!!? :? I tell you I'm a better mother than she is. We may have to speak to her dr though because to me that is just not normal behaviour.
Tread with caution. I am now
Tread with caution. I am now raising my step son (15) whom I've been father to for 12 of those years. All was fine and dandy until my wife (his bio) started taking 20 vicodin a day along with other things which ultimately killed her. She was a raving nutt at the end and my poor kids (bio daughter-8, SS-15) have seen things that most people never will. She overdosed and died while we were all home. 2 yrs ago this happend and what did step son do? He's fallen off the deep end like her. He's now a conviced felon, lies about everyting, steals, etc...
He does not see me as his father now that mom isn't here. He's had a very good life and I've been dad for almost all of it. You're fortunate you have his dad there with you, hopefully that will offset any issues in his head. Lean on dad to be the best role model he can and involved with him. If he doesn't you stand no chance with him.
Good luck, and listen to the little voice in your head. It'll tell you wether to run or stay.