OMG!!! I think you are a carbon copy of my situation!! I swear, I read this and my jaw dropped to the floor! I have the same thing..she is controlling us, she is always the topic of conversation, we don't have the money to spoil the kids and do all the awesome things she does (florida for spring break..etc.) and I too feel like the other woman!! AND, my poor bio kids suffer as well, when skids come back home (we have 50% custody) and brag and rub in all the cool stuff they got to do, and my girls don't get too!!

I too have told DH that it drives me crazy..but he claims the smae thing..he only brings her up when she does something, which just like you is all the time!!

I am trying to get a handle on it. If she calls or txts him...unless it is an emergency, rgardless of what she says, his response is "we can talk about then during the child exchange" and it is left there. It was bad..she was making up lame as reasons to contact him at least twice a day..I swear, she can't stand going a day without talking to or seeing him, and he is my husband damnit!! She used to txt and say "I need to talk to you" then he thought it was important and would call her and it would be something like "what color dress do you think we should get SD7 for easter"...bs like that..just to control him, to talk to him, and to feel good because she interupted our time togeher. Hence, the new way of handling it, he asks if it is an emergency, if no, it waits. Period. I have also taken a stance with the SKIDS. When they say "we get to have this at mom's or do that at mom's" I politely remind them that they are not at their mom's and when they persist, I tell them to have their mom let them bring it (whatever it is) to our house, or when they brag about their vacations, I tell them "that's nice, I don't need to waste money on vacation, I have fun doing cool things here at home". (not really true, but it gets them quiet! lol ) And I don't do that to be mean to them, we learned a long time ago that they go back and tell their mom the reaction they get out of us, so when they don't get one, it drives the BM nuts, Now THAT i take pleasure in.

Look at your situation legally too..see if there is anythinglegal you can do to turn this situation around. We are now in court for primary custody, and her to pay support (long story, but she took a job out of state, hardly ever home, and makes more than double the income..and she thinks we shouldstill pay half of everything...WRONG!) and although she has beenfighting us, she is realizing that she may not be the one in control any more,..and it is a harsh reality, but one that needed to happen. Also, it has stopped the constant communication, because she learned quickly that we would use her behavior and things she said against her.

All I can say is try to set boundaries, and stick to them. Give your DH 15 mins to vent about her, then DONE. It has to be tabled till the next day. If you don't..it will destroy your relationship, it almost did ours. And yes, you are becoming the other woman, and that is now what should be happening, you have to get it in check, and he needs to respect you and your relationship on this. We went to marriage counseling, and the counselor basically told him all of this, and that was a huge eye openor. When he said that the ex wife needed boundaries, both in person, and in communication, that really helped us. so, maybe try that as well?

Good luck, keep me posted!!

I definately know what you're going through! Right now Im at my wits end with the ex wife!