Some of us are able to disconnect from the past more easily than others.

IMO he is always going to harbor some type of emotional attachment to her because she is the mother of his child/children. I had to accept that very early on in mine and my DH's relationship.

My DH's relationship with BM has changed drastically over the years. It was difficult for me when we first started dating because they were still fairly close (it doesn't help that my DH is a peace keeper also). Now he despises her for all the antics and games she plays. I don't know your DH personally so I cannot give you exact advice but if you could possibly set down with him and discuss it. If the conversation seems to start going south just tell him, this isn't going the way I invisioned so lets table this discussion and come back to it later. That will give him time to possibly reflect on how he acts towards his ex and maybe fix the problem.

You are right to feel that way.
I just told my DH that he had no need to get upset or react at all to his ex unless there was still feelings there. There aren't, so he's stopped. He doesn't discuss her or talk about her any more.
Your DH needs to back away and not let his ex pull him in to a fight. Besides, what leverage does she really have? If there is something that she's using, help him neutralize it.

I don't think the emotions necessarily have to have anything to do with anything between the two exes. When there are children involved, the emotions, at least for me, surround the *child* not my ex. When your ex tries to make things as difficult as possible for you regarding your *child* of course it's going to get emotional.

The ones who just fight between each other about stupid things baffle me though. That, to me, is an issue.

My dh used to get pretty pissed at bm-every once in awhile he still does. I dont believe he has any sort of emotional attachment to her, in fact, if she fell off the face of the earth tomorrow I dont think it would even phase him. But she can be such a bitch sometimes. She can go months being perfectly pleasant, fine to work with,etc and then out of the blue she will put out her bitch hat and put it on. Even the simplest interactions are made with her yelling and making snide comments and just making visits and everything in general very difficult. So yep he gets mad. Then she will put the bitch hat away until a few months later.

My DH has gotten emotional about BM, but in ways that make me dumbfounded to believe that they were ever married!

DH has said to me that he'd love to see her "bleed from her eyeballs" when cs finally ends and she can't get his money anymore. (She's financially irresponsible.)

He said he wants to throw a huge party when she dies, although he has said it's wrong for him to say that for SD's sake.

The first time I met her, they bickered so horribly that it's obvious this woman brings out the worst in him...instantly.

When I met her and he snapped at me and I got upset, she turned to me and said to get used to it. Hell no! That's not the way we are together even if he was like that with her. They definitely pushed each other's buttons, and it was ugly.

So DH is VERY emotional about BM, but in ways that show they will NEVER in a million years get back together, or just be "friends" around SD for that matter!

They can be emotional without the attachment you're thinking!

I agree totally! i had the same thing with my ex, but since ie gotten married and totally over him, no more i might get annoyed at him but i just say "whatever" and move on. i would be upset too