So as many of you know my dh returned home after a 6 month absence this week-one of the things dh and I talked about while he was gone was ss visiting elsewhere as ss refuses and has no desire to be respectful or polite to me-as well as he has a hx of being aggressive with the other children. This has been a long time coming and we've discussed it before, but always opted not to do it-mostly due to our various living arrangments. Dh is now finally home full time so it was time to address this issue fully.

So when I brought this up to dh he was 100 percent in agreement-not happy about it really-but just agreed that he had made alot of mistakes where ss was concerned and in turn put me thru alot and just wants to make it up to me. He talked about where he could visit ss and that perhaps in time we could eventually do things together and transition back into home visits if things went well. I also told dh I did not want to be obligated to do the transport for these visits-dh has no drivers license due to his medical issues (brain injury). And he agreed.

Welp, he got home on Tuesday. He suggested that we give a visit in the home a try first. Shot that one down. Asked me, "you are going to help with transportation right"-shot that down as well. Then he never said anything else about it all week. So I didnt say anything more either. I obviously assumed that he wasnt seeing ss this weekend and I asked him about camping next weekend and he said, sure-so I thought maybe he wouldnt be visiting with ss that weekend either (ss will be out of school in days-so a visit during the week is not out of the question). Well, saturday he informs me that he is getting ss next weekend and referenced us going camping, I was like, "wait a minute-ss cant go camping with us"-well he acted frustrated and made some complaints and I suggested that I was not the person he should be mad at-and his reply,'Well, ss is not saying I cant go camping with the rest of my family" and I said, "no, but he is saying that no matter what he is not going to respect me or the other kids". That did shut him up for a bit. But then he said, "I was going to get him this weekend-Itold bm we could pick him up on Saturday but she cant pick him up this weekend" I said, "hold up, why would you say "we" could pick him up?" and he said, "well, we are going to his city on Saturday so I just assumed". Urgh! What does he not understand about-I dont want to be held responsible for transportation, I dont want to visit with ss. He has also suggested that 1)he and ss could get a campsite next to ours 2)they could stay with us all weekend, but go back to our house to sleep (campground is only 5 minutes away)-these were alternatives he thought might work.

I also asked him earlier-what the plan was? How was he going to get ss on Friday? What time was ss leaving on Monday? I am trying to stay disengaged, but ask because I dont want this to be shoved on me-last minute. He has no idea how he is getting ss on Friday-he assumes ss will leave Monday evening but does not know yet-he has to ask bm of course. He said when we come home at noon on Monday he and ss will leave. Yet, he has no way to leave unless I take him. This really sucks. I do not want to keep my dh from his son-I really dont-although it does suck that we cant spend the time with dh-BUT ok I can deal with that-but it seems like I am still being put on the line to help him visit his son and I just dont want any of that responsibility whatsoever. I dont wan to make sure he gets him, or transport him anywhere, -but I am starting to feel guilt. Like it would jsut be easier if I gave in and let him come visit and stay with us. But if I do that nothing will change- I will be looking at anther 5 years of this shit-and I asked dh-how many more YEARS do you think I should be patient with ss and you? As he was accusing me of not giving it a chance. We have been a family for 12 years-since ss was 1. He suggested, that until ss was 18. OMG? Really? I am expected to let this person just disrespect me for another 5 years? Our marriage would never survive that-I dont even think it would survive another month of ss disrespecting me. Just frustrated right now.