parents /step parents rights
hi i have a 16 year old daughter and the other day a argument occured regarding a missing memory card,my husband accussed my daughter (his step daughter) of taking it,my daughter is no thief,she started shouting,swearing and banging her bed against the wall,so my husband went in to her bedroom shouting back at her and he pushed her into her wardrobe ,leaving her with a bruised elbow,she called the police and the police listened to both sides of the story and said they were going to take no action as they were both to blame,she should not have been shouting,swearing and slamming things and he should not have pushed her,anyway she went to stop with her older sister as soon as the police left.later that night i received a text from her saying she didnt want to come home and that i had taken sides,when i didnt,i asked my husband to apoligise to her and he says no way as the child as no respect whats so ever he said he wasnt brought up like this,he said back in the carribean children where dealt with strictly by there parents,i have to keep reminding him that he is in the uk and that is not allowed here but i carnt get through to him,this as put our marriage on the rocks.i took his 13 year old daughter on as my own when she was 9 as her mum didnt want nothing to do with her but he is ok with her ,she obeys his rules sort of yes dad no dad.i dont know what to do or say im so stressed i know its all wrong but how do i make him see he is wrong.
My children are much, much
My children are much, much younger (DD6, SS4 and DS1). We don't really believin in hitting as punishment here unless in severe situations. My DH has only spanked DD6 ONCE and that was for screaming that I was a B*tch to the entire neighborhood. I would be LIVID if DH ever pushed, shoved, smacked, etc. any of the children. Younger children sometimes benefit from a spank on the hiney but an older child being pushed is wrong. I would hope that he would apoligize, if not, your in a tough situation trying to get them to get along again. I don't agree with punishing an older child that way but I don't know what the answer should be. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.
Your husband didn't shove
Your husband didn't shove your daughter as a means of discipline. He shoved her because he was angry & lost his temper. He can call it what he wants, but it is what is. PHYSICAL ABUSE.
They're both old enough to understand the idea of self-control. They both need to learn to practice it.
He owes your daughter an apology, & he needs to get his temper in check.
Has he ever gotten violent with you that way?
Last night my SS15 threaten
Last night my SS15 threaten to flatten all 4 tires, ruin my new car and told me his BM was heading over & has some serious problems with me. I told him if anything happens to my car I'll report it to the police. All b.c. I washed my car in the driveway when he wanted to play basketball last night. He kept insisting I go to a carwash & spend $6. I told him I'd prefer to do it myself & save the $/gas, and being a new car I don't want the brushes on it (yet). He would not stop though. He turned off the water a few times. Hit my car several times with his basketball. Reported my to DH. DH comes out, hands on hips: "What's the problem here". I say: I am washing the car, skid wasn't playing basketball when I started." He tells skids, do something else & goes inside. Skid continues to hassle me & uses "F" word alot. I tell him I am not impressed with his vocub. He then says, f.f.f.f.f.f.f I laugh. He throws the basketball right at me. I dodge it & go inside. Now I'm shaking though. Worried about my new car. SM came & got him. He told her- DH pushed me. He didn't. A complete lie. But damn would I have liked to have lost my temper on him? YES. Instead I kept quiet, took his F words & abuse - then took it out on water kayaking. Please tell me what you would have done.
1) It wouldn't have mattered
1) It wouldn't have mattered if SS WAS playing basketball before you started washing your car. You're the adult. You have every right to wash your car in the driveway anytime you want to.
2) If something happens to your car, follow through on your threat to file a police report.
3) If you want to make a deal with SS, let him know the car wash is $6 & the gas is more. If he wants to give you the money to cover it plus a bit to make it worth your while to take the time to drive there and back, you can work something out.
4) Your DH is an issue if he's allowing his son to speak to a woman...muchless his WIFE the way he was, your DH is disrespecting you.
5) When your SS threw the basketball at you, you should've picked it up & carried it inside with you, cut a hole in it & hurled it back at him.
Your husband should be taking up for you against his son. If he isn't going to, it's up to you to take up for yourself.
The more you ignore it, the more acceptable, expected & "normal" it will become in your home.
Options: 1) I move back to my
Options: 1) I move back to my condo where DD has been living, 2) Insist Skid goes to counseling as his ADHD causes him to misbehave 3) Just continue dodging basketballs and lay low.
I did think I had every right
I did think I had every right to wash the car. Skid acted up on BM on mother's day at a brunch. Whenever he doesn't get his way he goes NUTS. I agree DH is not supporting me in these situations. Disney Dad's don't change their stripes... I look for skid to get a huge gift this weekend from DH. This is why he got the husky. And the police did drive by later last night, once this morning. I do think a neighbor called & complained about skid screaming F.F.F. @ me. I was afraid BM was going to shot me. She's licensed to carry a gun. She came by this morning and her & DH talked out front about skid. Skid told her I said when he told me she's coming over and has some choice words for me: I can't wait to tell your mother what a terrible kid you are. But I said: I welcome the opportunity to talk to your mom about you or brother anytime. He such a liar. While I go through hoops to be mature & think out appropriate replies. Any damage to car will be reported & I will prosecute. I do believe the last two vehicles I've had were damaged by skids "playing" but I didn't see it happen. They play with paintball, pellet guns in the driveway. I park at very end of the drive, sticking out in the road to protect the car. Garage is off-limits, for skids toys to be spread out unless its snowing.